The Beast
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "The Beast Ch.2"A killer with no motive - can it even be?
11 total reviews
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is interesting and well-proofread. Using most of a chapter to introduce the people working the case and ending with the murdered person's identity, is a good way to make a story more readable. There is a single chapter to search to figure out who an investigator is. Great idea. Just read a 1000+ pages novel and there was no way to figure out who anyone I forgot was.
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2022
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This is interesting and well-proofread. Using most of a chapter to introduce the people working the case and ending with the murdered person's identity, is a good way to make a story more readable. There is a single chapter to search to figure out who an investigator is. Great idea. Just read a 1000+ pages novel and there was no way to figure out who anyone I forgot was.
Comment Written 11-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2022
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Thank you, Carol :-). I've been there with long novels before - characters start to blur and, as you say, it can be hard to find where to reference back to. I'm really happy you liked this one. I have to proof-read as I go (even when it's a Nanowrimo project) because I can't bear doing the whole novel at once!
Mike
Comment from Thesis
Mike, this is really good. You've introduced many characters, and created good banter between some of them. The scenes are easy to follow and the mystery and suspense are building. Love the twist at the end finding out who the new victim was. Looking forward to Chapter 3.
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2022
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Mike, this is really good. You've introduced many characters, and created good banter between some of them. The scenes are easy to follow and the mystery and suspense are building. Love the twist at the end finding out who the new victim was. Looking forward to Chapter 3.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2022
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Thanks so much :-). Indeed, I can only hope I haven't bitten off more than I can chew! I'm thrilled you liked it - it's my first go at a straight police thriller but enjoying it so far. Next chapter will be up later today.
Mike
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I'll be reading
Comment from Cindy Warren
I think the police are going to have a difficult time tracking this killer, because I don't think he's entirely human. Tho I still haven't figured out what he is.
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2022
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I think the police are going to have a difficult time tracking this killer, because I don't think he's entirely human. Tho I still haven't figured out what he is.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2022
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Thank you, Cindy :-). Indeed, he's definitely something ... different.
Mike
Comment from Michaela Moore
Ooo! I was dancing in my seat at the end of this chapter. What a twist! What a fun and unbelievable twist! Such fun! Such intrique! And the reason it pays off is because the tension and suspense builds so subtly and beautifully as this chapter moves toward its end. Brilliant my friend. Brilliant.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2022
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Ooo! I was dancing in my seat at the end of this chapter. What a twist! What a fun and unbelievable twist! Such fun! Such intrique! And the reason it pays off is because the tension and suspense builds so subtly and beautifully as this chapter moves toward its end. Brilliant my friend. Brilliant.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2022
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Thanks so much, Michaela :-). This was challenging to write but also exciting. It's my first stab at a contemporary police thriller without any supernatural stuff so it'll be interesting! I'm thrilled you've enjoyed the first two chapters.
Mike
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
WOW!! Mike, this is a humdinger of a story! I'm reading detectives at the moment, and this is as good and better. You've done a brilliant job getting the readers attention, and panting for the next part. What an ending to this chapter! So Bentley is in charge, and now he knows who the victim was, he'll be charging at the bit to catch the murderer this time. Great chapter, Mike, and very well written. I'll be watching for the next part. :)) Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2022
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WOW!! Mike, this is a humdinger of a story! I'm reading detectives at the moment, and this is as good and better. You've done a brilliant job getting the readers attention, and panting for the next part. What an ending to this chapter! So Bentley is in charge, and now he knows who the victim was, he'll be charging at the bit to catch the murderer this time. Great chapter, Mike, and very well written. I'll be watching for the next part. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment Written 05-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2022
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Thanks so much, Sandra :-). I've never written a non-supernatural crime story before so I'm having fun (so far) digging into this story. I'm thrilled to have you on board!
Mike
Comment from Judy Lawless
Whoa! I can see this is going to be one of those stories I don't really want to read because of the horror factor, but will anyway because of curiosity. Amazing imagination, Mike, and terrific writing.
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2022
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Whoa! I can see this is going to be one of those stories I don't really want to read because of the horror factor, but will anyway because of curiosity. Amazing imagination, Mike, and terrific writing.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2022
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Thanks so much, Judy :-). I'll make sure to run the warning notices up their flagpoles!
Mike
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You're most welcome, Mike. I've fallen behind with reviewing and replying this week, and I see you have a couple more chapters posted. I look forward to reading them.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
This is not good at any level. I am on the edge of my seat. I can't wait for the next post. Thank you for sharing. You're doing a great job. I wish I had a six left.
She gestured to a lady sitting next to Bentley. (sitting beside Bentley.)
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2022
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This is not good at any level. I am on the edge of my seat. I can't wait for the next post. Thank you for sharing. You're doing a great job. I wish I had a six left.
She gestured to a lady sitting next to Bentley. (sitting beside Bentley.)
Comment Written 03-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2022
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Thanks so much, Barbara :-). I wanted there to be a stark contrast between the Beast's opening chapter and Bentley and Chaplain's one, so this needed to be more about characters interacting rather than lost on one person's head. Next chapter is underway :-)
Mike
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
Oh wow, what a twist right from chapter two. You'll have us all running off to our printers (which I still don't have) to build up the whole thing as you go, to read in a similar way to singing the 12 days of Christmas. On day 1 read C1, on day 2 read C1+C2, on day 3 read C1+C2+C3... it's the only way to be sure we don't miss something critical. Stupendous writing. Kate xx
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2022
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Oh wow, what a twist right from chapter two. You'll have us all running off to our printers (which I still don't have) to build up the whole thing as you go, to read in a similar way to singing the 12 days of Christmas. On day 1 read C1, on day 2 read C1+C2, on day 3 read C1+C2+C3... it's the only way to be sure we don't miss something critical. Stupendous writing. Kate xx
Comment Written 03-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2022
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Thanks so much, Kate :-). I've got a few detective scenes lined up and am now playing around with the order a bit. I enjoy writing banter so I'll have to remind myself to also get in the serious conversations!
Mike
Comment from lancellot
Your writing is good on this. I don't see any errors at all. But, I do wonder if you're overdoing it with the witty (what we've come to think of) as cop banter and language. Just something to think over.
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reply by the author on 03-Nov-2022
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Your writing is good on this. I don't see any errors at all. But, I do wonder if you're overdoing it with the witty (what we've come to think of) as cop banter and language. Just something to think over.
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Comment Written 03-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2022
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Thank you :-). Indeed, cop banter is a bit of a cliche, although I do know several Met police, and this is tame compared to how they interact. That said, I do have to be careful because I enjoy writing the banter but it doesn't progress the story! Many thanks for your thoughts.
Mike
Comment from royowen
Mmmh, even the fuzz aren't safe, with Di McHale the latest victim, killed, cut up in small pieces and placed in small packages, this perpetrator is worse even than Jack the Ripper, but then he was never caught, and didn't even kill again, unless he himself was a victim, beautifully written Mike, blessings, Roy
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reply by the author on 03-Nov-2022
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Mmmh, even the fuzz aren't safe, with Di McHale the latest victim, killed, cut up in small pieces and placed in small packages, this perpetrator is worse even than Jack the Ripper, but then he was never caught, and didn't even kill again, unless he himself was a victim, beautifully written Mike, blessings, Roy
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2022
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I do wonder, sometimes, whether the scariest killer of all is the crazed violent type who is nevertheless still in control, though hopefully still a bit odd, otherwise we're all in trouble!
Mike
