Flower Petal People
Comparing beauty to beauty.13 total reviews
Comment from Fleedleflump
Some great rhyme pairings here (I particularly enjoyed complex and necks) and mostly excellent rhythm. Although they flow when pronounced colloquially, if pronounced correctly, interesting and peculiar have more syllables than you've accounted for here, resulting in a 12 syllable line (which also loses its scansion at Peculiar):
it's IN-te-RES-ting IN the PE-cu-LI-ar WAY
So that needs a tweak. Perhaps:
Peculiar to see the tragic way
that daises die upon the fall of snow
The use of tragic shows how it's in the daisy's nature to die (a fatal flaw, if you like) so it enhances the meaning of the line, hopefully!
If it was me, I'd also change 'like angels joint' to 'like angels joined' as I think it flows more logically.
Hope that helps - this is a really strong piece.
Mike
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Some great rhyme pairings here (I particularly enjoyed complex and necks) and mostly excellent rhythm. Although they flow when pronounced colloquially, if pronounced correctly, interesting and peculiar have more syllables than you've accounted for here, resulting in a 12 syllable line (which also loses its scansion at Peculiar):
it's IN-te-RES-ting IN the PE-cu-LI-ar WAY
So that needs a tweak. Perhaps:
Peculiar to see the tragic way
that daises die upon the fall of snow
The use of tragic shows how it's in the daisy's nature to die (a fatal flaw, if you like) so it enhances the meaning of the line, hopefully!
If it was me, I'd also change 'like angels joint' to 'like angels joined' as I think it flows more logically.
Hope that helps - this is a really strong piece.
Mike
Comment Written 02-Nov-2022
Comment from Bill Schott
This sonnet, Flower Petal People, has the proper formatting and questions why the daisies' lives are sweet, but short. One can only extrapolate and consider that some superior lifeform wonders about we humans in this same way.
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This sonnet, Flower Petal People, has the proper formatting and questions why the daisies' lives are sweet, but short. One can only extrapolate and consider that some superior lifeform wonders about we humans in this same way.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 02-Nov-2022
Comment from Jesse James Doty
I am sorry, I do not understand this poem. I read it over several times and still could not understand the meaning or the message. I did not get the gist of the meaning, especially of the last two lines. They seem to be saying one thing and yet have nothing to do with the title.
Jesse
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
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I am sorry, I do not understand this poem. I read it over several times and still could not understand the meaning or the message. I did not get the gist of the meaning, especially of the last two lines. They seem to be saying one thing and yet have nothing to do with the title.
Jesse
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 02-Nov-2022
