Flower Petal People
Comparing beauty to beauty.13 total reviews
Comment from harmony13
I found the author's words thought provoking, descriptive and creative.
I pondered on these words and am still pondering! The poem flows and
connects well. The artwork is lovely and compliments the words of this
poem.
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I found the author's words thought provoking, descriptive and creative.
I pondered on these words and am still pondering! The poem flows and
connects well. The artwork is lovely and compliments the words of this
poem.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2022
Comment from Tom Horonzy
No ill intent intended, but I suggest keeping things written simple make additional releases easier to understand. I think your message resonates truth but reads somewhat rough around the edges. Such as endurant; it's not recognized asa word. Literary licensing? Ok. It's your piece, and authors' can do as they please.
I also re-read the first two lines, and feel they needn't begin 'the.' How would it feel instead if read:
"Daisies born in April bloom in May.
Babies born take years to grow.
(or exchange many for eighteen though neither are needed)
It's interesting in a peculiar way
that daisies will die on a fallen snow.
I'm hope you understand these are simply suggestions. I think it is great you have taken to writing in your early years. I have been at it ... forever it seems at seventy-five. Be well, and go light up the day.
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No ill intent intended, but I suggest keeping things written simple make additional releases easier to understand. I think your message resonates truth but reads somewhat rough around the edges. Such as endurant; it's not recognized asa word. Literary licensing? Ok. It's your piece, and authors' can do as they please.
I also re-read the first two lines, and feel they needn't begin 'the.' How would it feel instead if read:
"Daisies born in April bloom in May.
Babies born take years to grow.
(or exchange many for eighteen though neither are needed)
It's interesting in a peculiar way
that daisies will die on a fallen snow.
I'm hope you understand these are simply suggestions. I think it is great you have taken to writing in your early years. I have been at it ... forever it seems at seventy-five. Be well, and go light up the day.
Comment Written 04-Nov-2022
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
This sonnet has a sad outlook and I have always thought of flowers as survivors with tenacious powers to overcome the weather and shine and never thought of them as unlucky, but plucky and strong. Your melancholy words reflect how you feel just now, a poignant sonnet Thomas, love Dolly x
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This sonnet has a sad outlook and I have always thought of flowers as survivors with tenacious powers to overcome the weather and shine and never thought of them as unlucky, but plucky and strong. Your melancholy words reflect how you feel just now, a poignant sonnet Thomas, love Dolly x
Comment Written 04-Nov-2022
Comment from Boogienights
I love the questioning nature of this well written sonnet. I ask these and other similar questions but still await the answers. I wish you the best of luck in the contest.
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I love the questioning nature of this well written sonnet. I ask these and other similar questions but still await the answers. I wish you the best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 03-Nov-2022
Comment from jake cosmos aller
nice powerful sonnet about daises and other spring time flowers. Loved the way you tied the flowers of April and May to babies being born and growing up 18 years later.
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nice powerful sonnet about daises and other spring time flowers. Loved the way you tied the flowers of April and May to babies being born and growing up 18 years later.
Comment Written 02-Nov-2022
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Your poem was interesting to read, Thomas. The rhymes the
required sonnet style. The image was a good choice too. Your
comparison of humas' lives to daisies was interesting to think
about--not sure I got it all though. You gave readers much to
think about. I liked the lines about the angels. Truthfully,
I believed you introduced to many 'things' in one sonnet like
humans, daises, angels, lions, cages that confused me. I believed
if you focused on daisies and humans for your comparison, then it
would be more understandable, but great attempt.
Best wishes in the contest, Jan
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Your poem was interesting to read, Thomas. The rhymes the
required sonnet style. The image was a good choice too. Your
comparison of humas' lives to daisies was interesting to think
about--not sure I got it all though. You gave readers much to
think about. I liked the lines about the angels. Truthfully,
I believed you introduced to many 'things' in one sonnet like
humans, daises, angels, lions, cages that confused me. I believed
if you focused on daisies and humans for your comparison, then it
would be more understandable, but great attempt.
Best wishes in the contest, Jan
Comment Written 02-Nov-2022
Comment from Mario PIERRE
Really good take on the parallel daisy/human... beauty to beauty...
I am a fan of sonnet, I like using the iambic pentameter , I find it just the correct length to be able to express feelings, awe and other things.
I did have a little question on the 3rd verse of the 1st quatrain, I counted 11 syllables... I probably am wrong somewhere
Thanks for sharing this!!!
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Really good take on the parallel daisy/human... beauty to beauty...
I am a fan of sonnet, I like using the iambic pentameter , I find it just the correct length to be able to express feelings, awe and other things.
I did have a little question on the 3rd verse of the 1st quatrain, I counted 11 syllables... I probably am wrong somewhere
Thanks for sharing this!!!
Comment Written 02-Nov-2022
Comment from Sally Law
Welcome to FanStory, Thomas! It's so nice to read you today. A marvelous sonnet and beautifully illustrated. A sure cure for a dreary day! Sending you my best today as always and best wishes for the upcoming contest,
Sally Law :))
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Welcome to FanStory, Thomas! It's so nice to read you today. A marvelous sonnet and beautifully illustrated. A sure cure for a dreary day! Sending you my best today as always and best wishes for the upcoming contest,
Sally Law :))
Comment Written 02-Nov-2022
Comment from Teri7
This is a very nice and well written Sonnet poem you have penned. You used very good descriptive words and beautiful imagery. Best wishes in the contest. Teri
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This is a very nice and well written Sonnet poem you have penned. You used very good descriptive words and beautiful imagery. Best wishes in the contest. Teri
Comment Written 02-Nov-2022
Comment from Carolann Renaud
Thomas, Your passion to write is obvious, and this is an enjoyable read. I am tempted to write a poem in answer to the poet's (you ) question. Not as a correction or critique, but purely a personal response. Perhaps I will. That's definitely a point in your direction because it moved the reader. Keep writing you have a gift, but like all gifts, if they are not used they go the way of the yardsale. tossed away and hard to get back. Thank you so much for your submission.
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Thomas, Your passion to write is obvious, and this is an enjoyable read. I am tempted to write a poem in answer to the poet's (you ) question. Not as a correction or critique, but purely a personal response. Perhaps I will. That's definitely a point in your direction because it moved the reader. Keep writing you have a gift, but like all gifts, if they are not used they go the way of the yardsale. tossed away and hard to get back. Thank you so much for your submission.
Comment Written 02-Nov-2022
