Random Rhyme and Petty Prose
Viewing comments for Chapter 27 "Funeral Parlor"a collection of phenomenally mundane work.
18 total reviews
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi Bill,
You had me fooled. I thought this guy was some sort of highfalutin' businessman, who could barely pause five minutes to say goodbye to his dear departed mother who was laid out at a funeral parlor. But as it turns out, she worked that the funeral home (or owned it). She was the deceased after all!
Nicely penned!
Cheers,
Kimbob
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2022
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Hi Bill,
You had me fooled. I thought this guy was some sort of highfalutin' businessman, who could barely pause five minutes to say goodbye to his dear departed mother who was laid out at a funeral parlor. But as it turns out, she worked that the funeral home (or owned it). She was the deceased after all!
Nicely penned!
Cheers,
Kimbob
Comment Written 05-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2022
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Thank you, Kimbob
Comment from susand3022
And, as usual, Bill, your story turns on a dime! In this case, it could totally reflect something from my own family, or it could one day. I have a niece who is a mortician, or should I say, she has her degree. She's allowed to do pick-ups these days, though why they don't let her work much, I don't know. They're afraid she can't handle a body by herself because of her size. She's fairly diminutive. She couldn't even get work during Covid, except finally, to do pick-ups. Her boyfriend of several years is also in the field. So, I can see them one day, in their own mortuary, which is actually their plan... live upstairs, work downstairs, in a big old house that they would own. So, I can totally see your story in their future! To me, very convincing! :)
Susan :)
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2022
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And, as usual, Bill, your story turns on a dime! In this case, it could totally reflect something from my own family, or it could one day. I have a niece who is a mortician, or should I say, she has her degree. She's allowed to do pick-ups these days, though why they don't let her work much, I don't know. They're afraid she can't handle a body by herself because of her size. She's fairly diminutive. She couldn't even get work during Covid, except finally, to do pick-ups. Her boyfriend of several years is also in the field. So, I can see them one day, in their own mortuary, which is actually their plan... live upstairs, work downstairs, in a big old house that they would own. So, I can totally see your story in their future! To me, very convincing! :)
Susan :)
Comment Written 04-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2022
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Thank you, Susan. Talk about taking their work home with them.
Comment from judiverse
Great flash fiction. I'm surprised this wasn't for a contest. I have just one question. If Gabe hated funeral parlors, why was he getting a degree in mortuary science? Maybe he felt like he was obliged to go into the family business. Great build-up to the ending. Yeah, it's important to say a final farewell to Dear Mum. Excellent development. judi
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2022
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Great flash fiction. I'm surprised this wasn't for a contest. I have just one question. If Gabe hated funeral parlors, why was he getting a degree in mortuary science? Maybe he felt like he was obliged to go into the family business. Great build-up to the ending. Yeah, it's important to say a final farewell to Dear Mum. Excellent development. judi
Comment Written 02-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2022
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Thanks, Judi. I threw the mortuary science in just to wrap it up with some relevance.
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You're very welcome. Maybe you could just omit your early reference to his dislike of funeral homes. judi
Comment from Annmuma
Well, I walked right down that weird little path through the funeral home door and back out to the waiting cab! Good writing and I enjoy the trip. Well done. ann
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2022
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Well, I walked right down that weird little path through the funeral home door and back out to the waiting cab! Good writing and I enjoy the trip. Well done. ann
Comment Written 02-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2022
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Thanks, Ann
Comment from patricia dillon
This is a story with a twist. Presumably the funeral parlor is a family business. But if Gabe hates funeral parlors, I fear he has chosen the wrong profession.
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2022
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This is a story with a twist. Presumably the funeral parlor is a family business. But if Gabe hates funeral parlors, I fear he has chosen the wrong profession.
Comment Written 02-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2022
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I thought the tension would be distracting enough to allow Gabe to get to his mom with the readers not catching on.
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I understand
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
This must be the American humour that he British just don't get Bill, but I dare say you brought a smile to a few faces here, a fine presentation, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2022
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This must be the American humour that he British just don't get Bill, but I dare say you brought a smile to a few faces here, a fine presentation, love Dolly x
Comment Written 02-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2022
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Thank you, Dolly. I think readers were just relieved Gabe wasn't an ass.
Comment from Jay Squires
Oh, Man! You had me like a fish on the hook right up to the shore. I even thought at first that the voice was someone being sarcastic about his only devoting a brief sentence in goodbye to his corpse of a mother. Okay, you got me. I have a hunch you got everyone who read it. That was some good writing, friend.
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2022
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Oh, Man! You had me like a fish on the hook right up to the shore. I even thought at first that the voice was someone being sarcastic about his only devoting a brief sentence in goodbye to his corpse of a mother. Okay, you got me. I have a hunch you got everyone who read it. That was some good writing, friend.
Comment Written 01-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2022
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This turned out pretty well. I am so happy this worked out and folks were surprised.
Comment from Gloria ....
This is flash fiction in its finest. At the mention of a funeral parlor, those less than pleasant memories of the death of a loved one.
Then with a brilliant twist at the end that sums up this turn of expectations and he is studying mortuary science.
Very, very well done.
Gloria
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2022
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This is flash fiction in its finest. At the mention of a funeral parlor, those less than pleasant memories of the death of a loved one.
Then with a brilliant twist at the end that sums up this turn of expectations and he is studying mortuary science.
Very, very well done.
Gloria
Comment Written 01-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2022
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Thank you, Gloria, for the great review. Bill
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
So, he hates funeral parlors, but will earn a degree in time
in mortuary science. Maybe by that time he will have changed
his mind. You did a great job, Bill, with the twist of Gabe going
to say goodbye to his mom who turned out not to be dead.
Thanks for sharing, Jan
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2022
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So, he hates funeral parlors, but will earn a degree in time
in mortuary science. Maybe by that time he will have changed
his mind. You did a great job, Bill, with the twist of Gabe going
to say goodbye to his mom who turned out not to be dead.
Thanks for sharing, Jan
Comment Written 01-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2022
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Thank you, Jan
Comment from BethShelby
So here you make us think he is just going give his dead mom 5 minutes but it turns out she only works there. The most disturbing part of the story is he hates funeral parlors, but he's completing his mortuary science degree. It shoulds out like he has a hard life ahead of him.
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2022
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So here you make us think he is just going give his dead mom 5 minutes but it turns out she only works there. The most disturbing part of the story is he hates funeral parlors, but he's completing his mortuary science degree. It shoulds out like he has a hard life ahead of him.
Comment Written 01-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2022
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It?s a dead end job.
