Lords Of The Glen
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Prince Nye"A A new threat arises to the north.
2 total reviews
Comment from Ulla
Hi Douglas, I will be the first to admit that I'm not into fantasy fiction, but I think I I would give this a look. It's well written, but take care you don't fall into the easy habit of telling rather than showing. I have to constantly remind myself.
So instead of just saying the noise was terrible, show it by acts. In other words, use the senses. In this case the hearing and the visual could describe the loud chaos.
All best, Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2022
  |
Hi Douglas, I will be the first to admit that I'm not into fantasy fiction, but I think I I would give this a look. It's well written, but take care you don't fall into the easy habit of telling rather than showing. I have to constantly remind myself.
So instead of just saying the noise was terrible, show it by acts. In other words, use the senses. In this case the hearing and the visual could describe the loud chaos.
All best, Ulla:)))
Comment Written 27-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2022
-
Thanks you so much ma?am. As always your reviews are not only kind, but useful as well.
Comment from easyeverett1
"The columns spiraled high
into the early morning sky blending with the now hazy-blue dawn just to the west.
I feel that "looking like the fingers of a giant black claw grasping at the sun" is rhetorical description in isolation
and places too much overload on just another morning above the village. I like the time period and will start with your early chapters. I don't normally do much reviewing because many writers don't really like advanced suggestions especially if it's a line they fell in love and makes the paragraph or line sing. I am a poet who received a note on a poem in HS from my professor that read: "Your verbosity overwhelms my cognitive boundaries." I had no friggin' idea what he meant or if it was good or bad. I found out it was a constructive bad which actually is a good. I will continue if you want me to. Take care and welcome to FS. easy
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2022
|
"The columns spiraled high
into the early morning sky blending with the now hazy-blue dawn just to the west.
I feel that "looking like the fingers of a giant black claw grasping at the sun" is rhetorical description in isolation
and places too much overload on just another morning above the village. I like the time period and will start with your early chapters. I don't normally do much reviewing because many writers don't really like advanced suggestions especially if it's a line they fell in love and makes the paragraph or line sing. I am a poet who received a note on a poem in HS from my professor that read: "Your verbosity overwhelms my cognitive boundaries." I had no friggin' idea what he meant or if it was good or bad. I found out it was a constructive bad which actually is a good. I will continue if you want me to. Take care and welcome to FS. easy
Comment Written 27-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2022
-
By all means start at the beginning! I welcome any and all corrections. I seem to be a grammatical mess. Thanks for your review and keep them coming!
