Challenge Accepted
2nd Place Finish24 total reviews
Comment from John Ciarmello
I enjoyed this read, Douglas. He is apparently in a video game/ time travel atmosphere. It seems no harm can come of him. I would love to read an ongoing saga of his travels to retrieve the sapphires for unknown purposes, and perhaps they (the sapphires) be not so readily available to him. I loved this! Intriguing! Best JohnC
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2022
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I enjoyed this read, Douglas. He is apparently in a video game/ time travel atmosphere. It seems no harm can come of him. I would love to read an ongoing saga of his travels to retrieve the sapphires for unknown purposes, and perhaps they (the sapphires) be not so readily available to him. I loved this! Intriguing! Best JohnC
Comment Written 27-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2022
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Thanks John. I?ve got some ideas to advance this!
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this contest entry with us. It kept my attention from beginning to the end. I enjoyed reading. Good luck with the contest.
Carson sat down against a boulder, closing his eyes. (You can omit 'down' it's an extra word and it's understood.)
He knew that once he fell asleep, he would wake up in another reality. (You can omit 'that' it's an unneeded word.)
He sensed that he would be lost until he had retrieved them all (You can omit 'that' it's an unneeded word.)
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2022
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Thank you for sharing this contest entry with us. It kept my attention from beginning to the end. I enjoyed reading. Good luck with the contest.
Carson sat down against a boulder, closing his eyes. (You can omit 'down' it's an extra word and it's understood.)
He knew that once he fell asleep, he would wake up in another reality. (You can omit 'that' it's an unneeded word.)
He sensed that he would be lost until he had retrieved them all (You can omit 'that' it's an unneeded word.)
Comment Written 27-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2022
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Thank you so much! You are a blessing! I appreciate the assist.
Comment from Terry Broxson
Wow, what a great flash fiction entry. I think this will be a very strong contender. Good luck in the contest. I am thinking your fifty percent genius is working on this story, well-done. Terry.
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2022
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Wow, what a great flash fiction entry. I think this will be a very strong contender. Good luck in the contest. I am thinking your fifty percent genius is working on this story, well-done. Terry.
Comment Written 27-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2022
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Thank you Sir. I was pleased to take 2nd. It was a fun write and I think that I will develop the idea further. Enjoy your day!
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
What a great contest entry, Douglas, it certainly pulled me in. I love the fantasy of it, being lost in a mental institution, but enjoying the challenges, presented to him. Now he has spoken after 3 years, and the reason? He has spotted the man's light blue sapphire ring. Trouble ahead for that man! This could be developed into a great story, you should think about it. Good luck in the contest. :) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2022
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What a great contest entry, Douglas, it certainly pulled me in. I love the fantasy of it, being lost in a mental institution, but enjoying the challenges, presented to him. Now he has spoken after 3 years, and the reason? He has spotted the man's light blue sapphire ring. Trouble ahead for that man! This could be developed into a great story, you should think about it. Good luck in the contest. :) Sandra xx
Comment Written 27-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2022
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Thank you Sandra. This was a fun write up!
Comment from Malcolm Rothery
You have a great imagination and have written an intriguing tale that could be expanded into something longer.
I have just one small suggestion: The sentence, 'The man awoke with a startle.' seems wrong and may be better as 'He awoke with a start.' Startle is a verb and doesn't scan correctly. Feel free to ignore me! Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2022
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You have a great imagination and have written an intriguing tale that could be expanded into something longer.
I have just one small suggestion: The sentence, 'The man awoke with a startle.' seems wrong and may be better as 'He awoke with a start.' Startle is a verb and doesn't scan correctly. Feel free to ignore me! Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 27-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2022
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Thank you very much. Exactly right on startle. Appreciate the catch!
Comment from GWHARGIS
I feel sorry for the poor orderly. He has something coming that he has no idea about. The sapphire is the key to something and now you have me wondering what it is. Great job on this. I thoroughly enjoyed it. Gretchen
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2022
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I feel sorry for the poor orderly. He has something coming that he has no idea about. The sapphire is the key to something and now you have me wondering what it is. Great job on this. I thoroughly enjoyed it. Gretchen
Comment Written 26-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2022
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Thanks! It's holding up fairly well in the contest. I think I'm going to develop this story further.
Comment from LJbutterfly
I really enjoyed this story. It is written with very clear descriptions and believable images. The story progresses smoothly with a constant ray of hope for Carson. His body is restored with each new reality. I liked the addition of the straitjacket. Carson was probably fighting monsters and had to be restrained. Well done. Best wishes in the contest.
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2022
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I really enjoyed this story. It is written with very clear descriptions and believable images. The story progresses smoothly with a constant ray of hope for Carson. His body is restored with each new reality. I liked the addition of the straitjacket. Carson was probably fighting monsters and had to be restrained. Well done. Best wishes in the contest.
Comment Written 26-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2022
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Thanks! The contest is tight. I?m glad you liked my story. I appreciate you!
Comment from Sandra Nelms-Ludwig
Wow! What a weird but captivating story of a madman experiencing one alternate reality after the next. The text is a nice size. The plot is well-developed. This is an unexpected way to address the prompt LOST. However, it works. The visual fits perfectly. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2022
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Wow! What a weird but captivating story of a madman experiencing one alternate reality after the next. The text is a nice size. The plot is well-developed. This is an unexpected way to address the prompt LOST. However, it works. The visual fits perfectly. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 26-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2022
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Thanks! I tried to go at it from a different angle. The contest is tight. We shall see what happens! Hope you are having an awesome week.
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You are welcome. It was a good read.
Comment from Renata Carmen
This is such a creative piece and a fun little ride! I love how you immediately bring us into this other world. I could picture the whirlydurdle in my mind. And I'd imagine truly being mentally ill and in an institution would be so terrifying, and having hallucinations like this would be so confusing. How do you know what's real? It's all in the eye of the beholder anyway, isn't it?
Cheers!
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2022
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This is such a creative piece and a fun little ride! I love how you immediately bring us into this other world. I could picture the whirlydurdle in my mind. And I'd imagine truly being mentally ill and in an institution would be so terrifying, and having hallucinations like this would be so confusing. How do you know what's real? It's all in the eye of the beholder anyway, isn't it?
Cheers!
Comment Written 26-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2022
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Thanks! Looks like it?s doing okay in the contest. Appreciate you!
Comment from Thomas Blanks
Interesting, but you telegraphed the ending in your description, "Crazy is in the eye of the beholder." Therefore, it was not an effective twist at the end. I would change the description. Perhaps: "Tale of a stone collector." Something that tells people about the story but not the ending.
Has someone already called your attention to the misspelling of "Minotaur's?" ... (No apostrophe.)
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2022
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Interesting, but you telegraphed the ending in your description, "Crazy is in the eye of the beholder." Therefore, it was not an effective twist at the end. I would change the description. Perhaps: "Tale of a stone collector." Something that tells people about the story but not the ending.
Has someone already called your attention to the misspelling of "Minotaur's?" ... (No apostrophe.)
Comment Written 26-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2022
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No, but nice catch!
