Lords Of The Glen
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "A New Threat"A A new threat arises to the north.
4 total reviews
Comment from Dr. Von
This series is one of the most entertaining fantasy stories I have read. I like the clear intention of the descriptions of your characters. They are written with purpose. I like your method of teasing the reader with engagements of magic and war. I don't have any suggestions. I think the grammar apps are helpful with structure and correct tense. I like your storyline.
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2022
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This series is one of the most entertaining fantasy stories I have read. I like the clear intention of the descriptions of your characters. They are written with purpose. I like your method of teasing the reader with engagements of magic and war. I don't have any suggestions. I think the grammar apps are helpful with structure and correct tense. I like your storyline.
Comment Written 13-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2022
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Thank you kind Sir.
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You are very welcome my friend.
Comment from Susan Newell
Douglas,
What are you doing to me? I don't read fantasy, yet I couldn't stop reading. How many books have I committed to? Thirteen? One for each king?
Beautifully written with just a couple hiccups. I could visualize all the creatures very easily. This has a "Lord of the Rings" feel to it. I'm curious as to how you will make it unique.
Notes follow.
BWF
Anew threat arises to the north. ==> A new
"We march on the land of men with the new moon. -- blue text
The black cloaked figure went back to his large window and stared out of it. -- kind of bland sentence ending. What did he see or think?
In the distance, he could see several of the flying shadows break off from the main group and began heading towards his tower. ==> begin
flowing black hair and was considered to be quite handsome. He was brash, and a bit of an adventure seeker, always traveling to where the action was. That had earned him a lot of respect. --From where comes all this blue text?
The group had dug an iron box out of the earth, that glowed with a magical hue, and had taken its contents. --Not sure if it's the box or earth that is glowing.
Hark was funny, always with quips, pranks, and loved poking fun at his companions. -- not parallel ==> always quick with quips and pranks, and loving to poke fun
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2022
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Douglas,
What are you doing to me? I don't read fantasy, yet I couldn't stop reading. How many books have I committed to? Thirteen? One for each king?
Beautifully written with just a couple hiccups. I could visualize all the creatures very easily. This has a "Lord of the Rings" feel to it. I'm curious as to how you will make it unique.
Notes follow.
BWF
Anew threat arises to the north. ==> A new
"We march on the land of men with the new moon. -- blue text
The black cloaked figure went back to his large window and stared out of it. -- kind of bland sentence ending. What did he see or think?
In the distance, he could see several of the flying shadows break off from the main group and began heading towards his tower. ==> begin
flowing black hair and was considered to be quite handsome. He was brash, and a bit of an adventure seeker, always traveling to where the action was. That had earned him a lot of respect. --From where comes all this blue text?
The group had dug an iron box out of the earth, that glowed with a magical hue, and had taken its contents. --Not sure if it's the box or earth that is glowing.
Hark was funny, always with quips, pranks, and loved poking fun at his companions. -- not parallel ==> always quick with quips and pranks, and loving to poke fun
Comment Written 22-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2022
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Hi Wing Woman,
I was working today but am finally off! I know you don't read fantasy. Jump ship anytime you feel the need. :( I understand. This will be a haul with five books in the series. Funny you said Lord of the Rings. One of my favorites. Any book with elves and dwarves threatens that comparison. Doesn't help that I develop a strong elf and dwarf relationship in these books, but there are many strong relationships like ape and man and elf and man. Also Lord of the Ring focuses on the travel of a ring. My book swirls around a royal family, mostly. I been told mine is more of a Dungeons & Dragons type feel. Anyways, this will be a slower roll out. You taught me smaller chapters, dialogue, and lots of grammar that I need to apply to each chapter before I release them.
Thank you, my friend.
Douglas
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I'll stick around for a little while, but thanks for the release. You have come a long way.
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
It's a wonderful introduction to the story to follow. A powerful first chapter. I thought the writing was solid. It easily grabbed and held onto my interest. My suggestion for improvement would be to add dialogue and other means to show us more and tell us less. But outside of that nothing stood out. Looking forward to more!
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2022
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It's a wonderful introduction to the story to follow. A powerful first chapter. I thought the writing was solid. It easily grabbed and held onto my interest. My suggestion for improvement would be to add dialogue and other means to show us more and tell us less. But outside of that nothing stood out. Looking forward to more!
Comment Written 22-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2022
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Thank you kind Sir!
Comment from Ricky1024
This was an interesting and well written story you created your characters and plot very well and had everybody waiting to find out to the very end.
Thanks,
Doctor Ricky 1024
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2022
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This was an interesting and well written story you created your characters and plot very well and had everybody waiting to find out to the very end.
Thanks,
Doctor Ricky 1024
Comment Written 22-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2022
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Thank you my friend. I appreciate the review and hope you have a great day!
