Bury My Heart in Colorado
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Homeward Bound"Paul seeks truth over death of soulmate.
3 total reviews
Comment from robyn corum
Stan,
Nice! I didn't realize this was a contemporary piece. I'm used to your historical fiction. I enjoyed this and I think I remember some of what's happening...?? hhaha Good for me!
Notes:
1.) Even if when she liked to suffocate me, I had no choice.
--> needs editing
--> Even though she liked to suffocate me...
2.) which was mainly of the AC units on (the) roof (of) another bland brick building.
3.) "Do you mind if I do some light cleaning(?")
Good job!
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2022
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Stan,
Nice! I didn't realize this was a contemporary piece. I'm used to your historical fiction. I enjoyed this and I think I remember some of what's happening...?? hhaha Good for me!
Notes:
1.) Even if when she liked to suffocate me, I had no choice.
--> needs editing
--> Even though she liked to suffocate me...
2.) which was mainly of the AC units on (the) roof (of) another bland brick building.
3.) "Do you mind if I do some light cleaning(?")
Good job!
Comment Written 05-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2022
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Thanks Robyn!
Comment from BethShelby
I was happy to see you name pop up. I was enjoying thjis story and I wanted to read more. I will waiting to see more of the story. I am curious about the big guy who he thought was part of the cleaning staff.
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2022
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I was happy to see you name pop up. I was enjoying thjis story and I wanted to read more. I will waiting to see more of the story. I am curious about the big guy who he thought was part of the cleaning staff.
Comment Written 03-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2022
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Thanks so much Beth!
Comment from MissMerri
I liked this chapter very much, and realized I've missed a few and need to go back and read what I haven't yet. The six stars is for the excellent descriptive writing and the believable dialogue, as well as the plot twists that make a reader curious and wanting to know more. The only suggestions I can offer are tiny ones:
***"Do you mind if I do some light cleaning. (Here I think you need a question mark in place of the period plus ending quotation marks)
***Where you use "into" I believe it should be "in to" as two separate words. That's pretty insignificant, but also very easily fixed.
Excellent work. I'm going to try and catch up now. ;p
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2022
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I liked this chapter very much, and realized I've missed a few and need to go back and read what I haven't yet. The six stars is for the excellent descriptive writing and the believable dialogue, as well as the plot twists that make a reader curious and wanting to know more. The only suggestions I can offer are tiny ones:
***"Do you mind if I do some light cleaning. (Here I think you need a question mark in place of the period plus ending quotation marks)
***Where you use "into" I believe it should be "in to" as two separate words. That's pretty insignificant, but also very easily fixed.
Excellent work. I'm going to try and catch up now. ;p
Comment Written 02-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2022
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Thanks Miss Merri!
