Two Is Better Than One
A caveman Ohmie story9 total reviews
Comment from Judy Lawless
You have another adventurous story here, Wayne. This time, Ohmie isn't the hero. but Blado! Too bad he didn't get the deer home, but I knew he'd have to make it. Well done.
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2022
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You have another adventurous story here, Wayne. This time, Ohmie isn't the hero. but Blado! Too bad he didn't get the deer home, but I knew he'd have to make it. Well done.
Comment Written 02-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2022
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Thank you. It was a close one!
And thank you for the six stars!
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You're most welcome, Wayne. :)
Comment from Wendy G
Very well written! You described his near drowning very vividly and with great imagination. Hopefully it wasn't a real-life experience of yours. I liked the humour in the lead-up as well. An enjoyable read.
Wendy
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2022
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Very well written! You described his near drowning very vividly and with great imagination. Hopefully it wasn't a real-life experience of yours. I liked the humour in the lead-up as well. An enjoyable read.
Wendy
Comment Written 29-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2022
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Thank you. This was a tough one to make humorous.
Comment from lyenochka
Oh, what a miserable hunting trip! I liked how you started Blado's and Ohmie's discussion about TWO vs ONE. And while Blado's one mouth was doing too much talking for hunting, he was a good friend to help save Ohmie and inadvertently doing CPR. So yes, TWO is better than one.
Maybe:
Well two lungs was not going to help (were) Or:
Well, having two lungs was not going to help
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2022
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Oh, what a miserable hunting trip! I liked how you started Blado's and Ohmie's discussion about TWO vs ONE. And while Blado's one mouth was doing too much talking for hunting, he was a good friend to help save Ohmie and inadvertently doing CPR. So yes, TWO is better than one.
Maybe:
Well two lungs was not going to help (were) Or:
Well, having two lungs was not going to help
Comment Written 29-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2022
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Thank you.
Comment from Susan Newell
Wayne,
What happened? How did we get a dumb Ohmie? I guess no one is perfect, and everyone is entitled to a bad day. Blado sure earned the right to be obnoxious for a while. But did he earn the right to claim inventing resuscitation? In any case, I enjoyed the story, even though I was expecting Ohmie to cross the river on a vine that he somehow suspended across the river to make a zip line. Maybe next time. Some picked nits follow.
Sue
they would have even seen the occasional animal carcass float by. -- finer point -- better not to split have seen
He head felt as if it would explode ==> His head
Finally, his body took control. Exhaling... and -- better as: control, exhaling
Trudging downstream, wondering how much further he would go, -- always "farther" for distance
Overestimating his heft of Ohmie's wiry frame, Blado yanked Ohmie back down to his shoulders with a jerk before Ohmie went flying clear across Blado's shoulders. -- a little confusing
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2022
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Wayne,
What happened? How did we get a dumb Ohmie? I guess no one is perfect, and everyone is entitled to a bad day. Blado sure earned the right to be obnoxious for a while. But did he earn the right to claim inventing resuscitation? In any case, I enjoyed the story, even though I was expecting Ohmie to cross the river on a vine that he somehow suspended across the river to make a zip line. Maybe next time. Some picked nits follow.
Sue
they would have even seen the occasional animal carcass float by. -- finer point -- better not to split have seen
He head felt as if it would explode ==> His head
Finally, his body took control. Exhaling... and -- better as: control, exhaling
Trudging downstream, wondering how much further he would go, -- always "farther" for distance
Overestimating his heft of Ohmie's wiry frame, Blado yanked Ohmie back down to his shoulders with a jerk before Ohmie went flying clear across Blado's shoulders. -- a little confusing
Comment Written 29-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2022
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Thank you for the great review.
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You are very welcome. I like Ohmie, and I'm beginning to develop a fondness for Blado.
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lol
Especially now that he saved Ohmie's life!
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Yes! Without Blado we wouldn't have all the future Ohmies. (I forgot, is there already an Ohmie, Jr.?) All these leaps through time make me so confused . . .
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There has been several Ohmie Jrs. And you are right, I write 'em as I get em' - all over the place, and all over time. I have them more or less in a time line for self-publishing, but I keep getting new ones and can't pull the plug.
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LOL -- pull the plug on Ohmie -- did you know what you were writing?
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Hah! Yes, i did.
What I meant by pulling the plug was to gather the 60 some odd stories and call it done - book 'em. What I think I'll do, is make a set of caveman Ohmie, and another of modern stories.
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I think that would work. You could put them in the same book -Part I Prehistoric Ohmie, Part II 21st-Century Ohmie
Comment from Ric Myworld
Wow, what an outstanding, action-packed chapter that kept me on the edge of my seat throughout. Now, I only wish I had a six, so that I could reward it properly. Thanks for sharing. I think this is my favorite chapter yet.
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2022
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Wow, what an outstanding, action-packed chapter that kept me on the edge of my seat throughout. Now, I only wish I had a six, so that I could reward it properly. Thanks for sharing. I think this is my favorite chapter yet.
Comment Written 29-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2022
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Thank you.
And I accept your thoughts of six stars as if they were real ones. Thank you.
Comment from lancellot
Very interesting. There was a great deal of narration in the middle part though. And Ohmie's reasons not to wake Blado prior to entering a swollen river is on the light side. I get he needed to be alone for the story.
Good work overall
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2022
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Very interesting. There was a great deal of narration in the middle part though. And Ohmie's reasons not to wake Blado prior to entering a swollen river is on the light side. I get he needed to be alone for the story.
Good work overall
Comment Written 29-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2022
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Yes. Ohmie was somewhat impulsive. (Blado wasn''t that bad) But I was high on word count.
I don't know how I could have avoided narration when the only character was drowning.
Thanks for the review and the stars.
Comment from Sandra Nelms-Ludwig
This is a good story, and I am glad Ohmie lived. The font size is great for older readers' eyes. The plot is not rushed but told at a nice realistic pace. The descriptions of Ohmie's attempt to survive are told in great sequential order. This is a good read. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2022
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This is a good story, and I am glad Ohmie lived. The font size is great for older readers' eyes. The plot is not rushed but told at a nice realistic pace. The descriptions of Ohmie's attempt to survive are told in great sequential order. This is a good read. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 29-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2022
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Thank you for a great review.
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You are welcome. I had to correct that or/ are mistake.
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
No, this isn't violent. It's a great story, except I don't know what superpower Ohmie has to stay alive so long... and I did wonder what became of the deer. Hope he went to good use. Kate xx
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2022
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No, this isn't violent. It's a great story, except I don't know what superpower Ohmie has to stay alive so long... and I did wonder what became of the deer. Hope he went to good use. Kate xx
Comment Written 29-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2022
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Everybody has to eat, even the bugs. lol
There are many evidences of coming back if drown in cold water.
Thank you for the review.
Comment from robyn corum
Wayne,
Oh, wow. Ohmie is very, very lucky his talkative and less-serious buddy was along on this trip AND smart enough to find him. Good thing Blado didn't have to fight his way through the same thing.
Some notes, if I may:
1.) As soon as the deer reached the water.as the deer lowered his head to drink, Ohmie loosed his
--> remove the period in mid-sentence and add 'and' for flow
--> you'll notice I edited out a couple words, too (No need to repeat 'deer')
--> As soon as the deer reached the water( and lowered) his head to drink, Ohmie loosed his
2.) Ohmie's hope was the deer's neck, where the spear tip had a chance at blood veins or arteries, the windpipe, or the vertebrae.
--> Ohmie's (aim) was the deer's neck,
3.) The startled but injured animal bounded into the forest some fifty yards beyond.
--> The injured animal, (startled,) bounded into the forest (and was soon) some fifty yards beyond.
4.) Ohmie's (options were) to forget both the deer and the spear, or
5.) or to attempt the river to track and pursue
--> or attempt (a river crossing) to track and pursue
6.) The river was far colder than normal. (P16L3 -- I think...)
--> this line seems redundant, given you started the paragraph out with:
--> The river was ice cold.
--> consider combining those and/or just deleting the repeated info.
7.) Ohmie quickly built a makeshift raft for the deer (from fallen branches and bits of vine...)
8.) Off topic a bit - It's so cool to see someone writing about cavemen! For some reason - that I surely cannot remember - I have a LIST of 'official' cavemen names! In case you care or need them, I'm sharing with you! (Ahhh, yes. You can thank me later! hahaha!)
--> CAVEMAN NAMES:
Zab Craak Gnob Druc Gurk Cragzik Gugnat Raggur Grout Kark
Crag Crib Tekk Khid Zur Raak Khurv Rah Verv Bhonderv Zugvuh
Fruddalk Ghavik Doskuut Gnoog Zerk Zavall Vuzdok
--> they're fun to look at, anyway!
Thanks, Wayne! I'm so glad you allowed Ohmie to survive!
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2022
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Wayne,
Oh, wow. Ohmie is very, very lucky his talkative and less-serious buddy was along on this trip AND smart enough to find him. Good thing Blado didn't have to fight his way through the same thing.
Some notes, if I may:
1.) As soon as the deer reached the water.as the deer lowered his head to drink, Ohmie loosed his
--> remove the period in mid-sentence and add 'and' for flow
--> you'll notice I edited out a couple words, too (No need to repeat 'deer')
--> As soon as the deer reached the water( and lowered) his head to drink, Ohmie loosed his
2.) Ohmie's hope was the deer's neck, where the spear tip had a chance at blood veins or arteries, the windpipe, or the vertebrae.
--> Ohmie's (aim) was the deer's neck,
3.) The startled but injured animal bounded into the forest some fifty yards beyond.
--> The injured animal, (startled,) bounded into the forest (and was soon) some fifty yards beyond.
4.) Ohmie's (options were) to forget both the deer and the spear, or
5.) or to attempt the river to track and pursue
--> or attempt (a river crossing) to track and pursue
6.) The river was far colder than normal. (P16L3 -- I think...)
--> this line seems redundant, given you started the paragraph out with:
--> The river was ice cold.
--> consider combining those and/or just deleting the repeated info.
7.) Ohmie quickly built a makeshift raft for the deer (from fallen branches and bits of vine...)
8.) Off topic a bit - It's so cool to see someone writing about cavemen! For some reason - that I surely cannot remember - I have a LIST of 'official' cavemen names! In case you care or need them, I'm sharing with you! (Ahhh, yes. You can thank me later! hahaha!)
--> CAVEMAN NAMES:
Zab Craak Gnob Druc Gurk Cragzik Gugnat Raggur Grout Kark
Crag Crib Tekk Khid Zur Raak Khurv Rah Verv Bhonderv Zugvuh
Fruddalk Ghavik Doskuut Gnoog Zerk Zavall Vuzdok
--> they're fun to look at, anyway!
Thanks, Wayne! I'm so glad you allowed Ohmie to survive!
Comment Written 29-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2022
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My wife would never allow otherwise!
It's like Ohmie is her son.
Thank you for the very helpful review.
Did the story need the violence warning?
