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Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "Howl"A Flash Fiction Collection
9 total reviews
Comment from Shirley McLain
An excellent story to read. It was full of tension and action, keeping me interested in what was happening. You are a very good writer. Enjoy your evening. Shirley
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2022
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An excellent story to read. It was full of tension and action, keeping me interested in what was happening. You are a very good writer. Enjoy your evening. Shirley
Comment Written 25-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2022
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Thank you very much.
Comment from GWHARGIS
Ah! Loved the twist. The hunter becomes the hunted. The image alters the outcome. I did like how the doctor said they were close to a breakthru. He literally meant it. Not the one Thomas thought he meant either. Great job on this. Would make a great movie. Gretchen
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2022
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Ah! Loved the twist. The hunter becomes the hunted. The image alters the outcome. I did like how the doctor said they were close to a breakthru. He literally meant it. Not the one Thomas thought he meant either. Great job on this. Would make a great movie. Gretchen
Comment Written 25-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2022
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Thank you very much.
Comment from Judy Lawless
It took a second read, Lance, but I think I now understand what this is really about. Thomas was attacked by animals, possibly dogs, at some point. Perhaps his girlfriend had been Jessica, his first victim. This is really well done. It connected because we had to think about it, step into the scene. Now I need to read something lighter, to get me out of there! lol
One tiny spag: "as the wolf collapse(s) into a pool of dark fluids."
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2022
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It took a second read, Lance, but I think I now understand what this is really about. Thomas was attacked by animals, possibly dogs, at some point. Perhaps his girlfriend had been Jessica, his first victim. This is really well done. It connected because we had to think about it, step into the scene. Now I need to read something lighter, to get me out of there! lol
One tiny spag: "as the wolf collapse(s) into a pool of dark fluids."
Comment Written 25-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2022
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Thank you very much. : )
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You're welcome, Lance.
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Very nice story. Very well written.
"How's THAT for a cup of tea?"
Wouldn't it make for an interesting tale if the corpse returned to human form and the killer is arrested for murder? "But, but, but...."
Best wishes.
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Very nice story. Very well written.
"How's THAT for a cup of tea?"
Wouldn't it make for an interesting tale if the corpse returned to human form and the killer is arrested for murder? "But, but, but...."
Best wishes.
Comment Written 24-Oct-2022
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
There were wonderful parts to this story, but I became a little confused by the twist. Why was it therapeutic for the doctor to kill Thomas? I missed somethin critical. What I liked most was the psychological issue 'you can never run away from yourself'. I enjoyed pondering this very much, and it has provided me with enough ideas to keep me going for a month. Kate xx
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There were wonderful parts to this story, but I became a little confused by the twist. Why was it therapeutic for the doctor to kill Thomas? I missed somethin critical. What I liked most was the psychological issue 'you can never run away from yourself'. I enjoyed pondering this very much, and it has provided me with enough ideas to keep me going for a month. Kate xx
Comment Written 24-Oct-2022
Comment from dellsworthpoet
A good story. The images are clear. The vocabulary fits the plot. The narrative stays on point. The end is a good twist.
Suggestion:
You wrote:
A second and a third boom quickly follows as the Lycan howls in pain, shock, and perhaps something else. Then, finally, its heavy body staggers backward as the shotgun pumps and fires a fourth and fifth time.
Blood and entrails saturate the floor and furniture as the wolf collapse into a pool of dark fluids. Yet, remarkably, it hangs to life and turns its semi-disfigured head to lick its blood from the floor as if not understanding it belongs to him or that there's a silver-stained basketball size hole where its stomach used to be.
This passage should move faster in my opinion. Shorten the sentences. Perhaps:
A second and a third boom quickly follows. The Lycan howls in pain, shock---and perhaps something else. Finally, its heavy body staggers backward. The shotgun pumps and fires a fourth and fifth time.
Blood and entrails saturate the floor and furniture. The wolf collapses into a pool of dark fluids. Remarkably it hangs to life. Turns its semi-disfigured head---licks its blood from the floor. Not understanding it belongs to him.
There's a silver-stained basketball size hole where its stomach used to be.
Also I would suggest reading aloud and punctuating where you slow or stop for emphasis. Give these hints to the reader.
Thanks for a good read.
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A good story. The images are clear. The vocabulary fits the plot. The narrative stays on point. The end is a good twist.
Suggestion:
You wrote:
A second and a third boom quickly follows as the Lycan howls in pain, shock, and perhaps something else. Then, finally, its heavy body staggers backward as the shotgun pumps and fires a fourth and fifth time.
Blood and entrails saturate the floor and furniture as the wolf collapse into a pool of dark fluids. Yet, remarkably, it hangs to life and turns its semi-disfigured head to lick its blood from the floor as if not understanding it belongs to him or that there's a silver-stained basketball size hole where its stomach used to be.
This passage should move faster in my opinion. Shorten the sentences. Perhaps:
A second and a third boom quickly follows. The Lycan howls in pain, shock---and perhaps something else. Finally, its heavy body staggers backward. The shotgun pumps and fires a fourth and fifth time.
Blood and entrails saturate the floor and furniture. The wolf collapses into a pool of dark fluids. Remarkably it hangs to life. Turns its semi-disfigured head---licks its blood from the floor. Not understanding it belongs to him.
There's a silver-stained basketball size hole where its stomach used to be.
Also I would suggest reading aloud and punctuating where you slow or stop for emphasis. Give these hints to the reader.
Thanks for a good read.
Comment Written 23-Oct-2022
Comment from lyenochka
I normally avoid horror stories but I knew you'd make it psychologically more in depth and not just about horror and gore and you did not disappoint. You made us curious about the reaction to the dogs and we're wondering if we should worry more about Thomas or Dr. Howard. Seems like Thomas's victim was possibly Dr. Howard's daughter and Dr. Howard got his revenge.
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I normally avoid horror stories but I knew you'd make it psychologically more in depth and not just about horror and gore and you did not disappoint. You made us curious about the reaction to the dogs and we're wondering if we should worry more about Thomas or Dr. Howard. Seems like Thomas's victim was possibly Dr. Howard's daughter and Dr. Howard got his revenge.
Comment Written 23-Oct-2022
Comment from royowen
This is an excellent post my friend, I'm not fond of horror stories, I've much preferred science fiction In the past, I'm a born romantic force to be a pragmatist, this is good one, so well done, with a brilliant conclusion, "not therapeutic, well done, blessings Roy
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This is an excellent post my friend, I'm not fond of horror stories, I've much preferred science fiction In the past, I'm a born romantic force to be a pragmatist, this is good one, so well done, with a brilliant conclusion, "not therapeutic, well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 23-Oct-2022
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I wasn't expecting that ending. But then again, you did hint about it in a few places, so it did seem natural. Thank you for sharing.
Society has built into men the idea that we are the dominant species on the planet. Western culture constantly reinforces the notion that men are at the top of the food chain." (In both sentences you can remove the 'that')
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I wasn't expecting that ending. But then again, you did hint about it in a few places, so it did seem natural. Thank you for sharing.
Society has built into men the idea that we are the dominant species on the planet. Western culture constantly reinforces the notion that men are at the top of the food chain." (In both sentences you can remove the 'that')
Comment Written 23-Oct-2022