Rush of blood to the head
Life hardships overwhelming my mental state.30 total reviews
Comment from Michaela Moore
There is so much depth of purposeful allusions, metaphors, and symbolism, all woven together with impactful diction that works. However, the rhymes break me out of the spell of your mesmerizing web of words. (Just being honest about my own reading.) I challenge you to write another poem about these same conflicts and themes as a free verse poem. No rhyme. I would love to read and see what you do because the power of your imagery is brilliant.
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2022
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There is so much depth of purposeful allusions, metaphors, and symbolism, all woven together with impactful diction that works. However, the rhymes break me out of the spell of your mesmerizing web of words. (Just being honest about my own reading.) I challenge you to write another poem about these same conflicts and themes as a free verse poem. No rhyme. I would love to read and see what you do because the power of your imagery is brilliant.
Comment Written 21-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2022
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I write about how I feel and I'm the voice for all of those going through similar struggles.
Comment from Tom Horonzy
Should I feel sorry for your life? I can empathize but you are intelligent as proven by your command of the language and should be able to remove yourself from the blight describe, and improve your position in life, leaving the strife you continually write of behind.
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2022
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Should I feel sorry for your life? I can empathize but you are intelligent as proven by your command of the language and should be able to remove yourself from the blight describe, and improve your position in life, leaving the strife you continually write of behind.
Comment Written 21-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2022
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No embrace my life. It's for all those who are going to similar struggles. It's a ministry.
Comment from John Ciarmello
I can't give you anything but a SIX for this one, Charity. It is raw and grinds at the silver spoon in my mouth. I'm reluctant to say the phrase; I CAN ONLY IMAGINE because I can't. Your writing, from my perspective, is an R-rated movie in a local theatre, and I can only walk away with a feeling. You have done that in this piece! Best, JohnC
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2022
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I can't give you anything but a SIX for this one, Charity. It is raw and grinds at the silver spoon in my mouth. I'm reluctant to say the phrase; I CAN ONLY IMAGINE because I can't. Your writing, from my perspective, is an R-rated movie in a local theatre, and I can only walk away with a feeling. You have done that in this piece! Best, JohnC
Comment Written 21-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2022
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Wow thanks for the amazing review.
Comment from dragonpoet
Charity,
This poem seems to be the effect of depression and a lot of alcohol.
I like the long sections of mono-rhyme. I am sorry for all you losses and betrayals in you life. It seems hope comes in the end though. Writing can be cathartic as you say.
Some errors
Surrounds should be surround.
You can shorten the longest line to Love and respect are treated as old fashioned and then the line wouldn't break the flow of the poem.
It should be an idle mind not a idol mind. You need to make judas plural.
Keep writing and stay healthy
Joan
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2022
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Charity,
This poem seems to be the effect of depression and a lot of alcohol.
I like the long sections of mono-rhyme. I am sorry for all you losses and betrayals in you life. It seems hope comes in the end though. Writing can be cathartic as you say.
Some errors
Surrounds should be surround.
You can shorten the longest line to Love and respect are treated as old fashioned and then the line wouldn't break the flow of the poem.
It should be an idle mind not a idol mind. You need to make judas plural.
Keep writing and stay healthy
Joan
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2022
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Thanks for your feedback. I appreciate it.
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No problem, Charity.
Joan
Comment from karenina
I know when I get a notification that you've posted, I'm about to come face to face with truth...
Reality is seldom pretty. Pain is tucked neatly in like the corners of bedsheets, ah, but you, Charity, tear those covers off!
You rhyme in your own way...
You lay down lines as though daring us to step across them and enter your world.
Can't wait for a link of you "Slamming" this one.
You are NEVER a Judas to yourself...
You're opening eyes!
Karenina
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2022
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I know when I get a notification that you've posted, I'm about to come face to face with truth...
Reality is seldom pretty. Pain is tucked neatly in like the corners of bedsheets, ah, but you, Charity, tear those covers off!
You rhyme in your own way...
You lay down lines as though daring us to step across them and enter your world.
Can't wait for a link of you "Slamming" this one.
You are NEVER a Judas to yourself...
You're opening eyes!
Karenina
Comment Written 21-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2022
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Thank you for the support and amazing review. You always ❤️ kepe it real and pump me up.
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Hand on your back, my friend.
Keep on doing your thing!
Comment from Michelle Oden
Pulls you in and makes you want to keep reading. Love the rhymes. Not afraid to be real and put issues and experiences out there. Background and type color choices go well with picture chosen
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2022
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Pulls you in and makes you want to keep reading. Love the rhymes. Not afraid to be real and put issues and experiences out there. Background and type color choices go well with picture chosen
Comment Written 20-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2022
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Thank you.
Comment from Jumbo J
Hi Charity,
yes, there is blood on the page where you let it flow...
you've taken me places I'm too scared to go.
How can I undo what I've just read ...
the flow of a wordsta floating around in my head.
Got the same loose screws of my own from years gone past...
Drinking, drugging and fighting a total outcast.
Didn't think I'd make past sixteen years old...
hanging on by threads too slippery to hold.
Know what you're saying about feeling betrayed...
But with words, a sharp mind it's those so-called Judas that got played.
So it's all about knowledge, instinct and game...
experience and self belief leads to higher acclaim.
Gotta say Charity, I thought this as something I could see you slamming in front of a crowd... the flow just kept giving and the words meant something real and raw.
Well done, and I hope I get a link to see this one performed... yes, you did bleed on the page, a weaver wordsmith worth their weight in whetstone sharp!
Totally enjoyed the read, in your style of rare and raw.
With our thoughts we create...
A way forward.
Kind regards,
James.
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2022
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Hi Charity,
yes, there is blood on the page where you let it flow...
you've taken me places I'm too scared to go.
How can I undo what I've just read ...
the flow of a wordsta floating around in my head.
Got the same loose screws of my own from years gone past...
Drinking, drugging and fighting a total outcast.
Didn't think I'd make past sixteen years old...
hanging on by threads too slippery to hold.
Know what you're saying about feeling betrayed...
But with words, a sharp mind it's those so-called Judas that got played.
So it's all about knowledge, instinct and game...
experience and self belief leads to higher acclaim.
Gotta say Charity, I thought this as something I could see you slamming in front of a crowd... the flow just kept giving and the words meant something real and raw.
Well done, and I hope I get a link to see this one performed... yes, you did bleed on the page, a weaver wordsmith worth their weight in whetstone sharp!
Totally enjoyed the read, in your style of rare and raw.
With our thoughts we create...
A way forward.
Kind regards,
James.
Comment Written 20-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2022
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I will be performing this at a poetrt slam. I just hosted my own poetry slam 2 weeks ago. It was incredible. So many lives was touched.
Comment from Boogienights
This would make a great rap song for someone skilled in that sort of thing. I think you are an amazing poet, your words are so real and raw. I look forward to reading more...thanks for sharing.:)
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2022
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This would make a great rap song for someone skilled in that sort of thing. I think you are an amazing poet, your words are so real and raw. I look forward to reading more...thanks for sharing.:)
Comment Written 20-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2022
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Thank you for for awesome reviews and choice of words.
Comment from GWHARGIS
This was certainly an exercise in opening a vein and letting your blood flow. The angst with which this was written is quite satisfying to read. You express what a lot of writers feel. It's very vulnerable to put your insecurities and personal insights out there. This was exquisite.
Gretchen
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2022
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This was certainly an exercise in opening a vein and letting your blood flow. The angst with which this was written is quite satisfying to read. You express what a lot of writers feel. It's very vulnerable to put your insecurities and personal insights out there. This was exquisite.
Gretchen
Comment Written 20-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2022
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Thank you
Comment from K.L. Rockquemore
Your story changes everyday.
With everyday,
you face new challenges.
Through challenges,
you become stronger.
Take that strength and write a new story!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2022
|
Your story changes everyday.
With everyday,
you face new challenges.
Through challenges,
you become stronger.
Take that strength and write a new story!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2022
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Thank you for your review. I only write about truth and for others dealing with similar struggles.
