Rush of blood to the head
Life hardships overwhelming my mental state.30 total reviews
Comment from amahra
That poem was fantastic. The rhyming was awesome--with multiple words rhyming in sentences that told a story. Of all the rhymes my favorite were the ones that rhymed with "crashing" and "shoes".
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2022
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That poem was fantastic. The rhyming was awesome--with multiple words rhyming in sentences that told a story. Of all the rhymes my favorite were the ones that rhymed with "crashing" and "shoes".
Comment Written 23-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2022
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I'm glad you enjoyed my poem. Thanks for your review.
Comment from jake cosmos aller
wow another powerful and moving poem. I love your mastery of rhymes, the rhythm and the moving words showing your pain and your struggles to make sense in a crazy world.
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2022
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wow another powerful and moving poem. I love your mastery of rhymes, the rhythm and the moving words showing your pain and your struggles to make sense in a crazy world.
Comment Written 23-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2022
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Thank you. You know my poems are raw and truthful.
Comment from newilk
As someone who struggles with mental illness as well as someone who adores biblical symbolism and horror I absolutely adore this poem and the imagery you chose to pair with it. the hopelessness and fear you capture is absolutely incredible!
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2022
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As someone who struggles with mental illness as well as someone who adores biblical symbolism and horror I absolutely adore this poem and the imagery you chose to pair with it. the hopelessness and fear you capture is absolutely incredible!
Comment Written 23-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2022
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I'm glad you found something you can relate to in poem. Thanks for your review.
Comment from DeboraDyess
Whew! There's a lot there to take in...
I like the way you both began and ended with the rush of blood to the head and how one is a natural event if it can be called natural to have an aneurism, and the other is an act of violence.
I like these lines best:
A idle mind is the devil workshop so I stay multitasking.
Forgiveness and mercy, strongly grasping.
but was a bit confused by getting hit by a dump truck. :)
Thank you for sharing,
Deb
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2022
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Whew! There's a lot there to take in...
I like the way you both began and ended with the rush of blood to the head and how one is a natural event if it can be called natural to have an aneurism, and the other is an act of violence.
I like these lines best:
A idle mind is the devil workshop so I stay multitasking.
Forgiveness and mercy, strongly grasping.
but was a bit confused by getting hit by a dump truck. :)
Thank you for sharing,
Deb
Comment Written 23-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2022
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Getting hit by a dump truck refers to a young football quarterback who lost his life trying to cross a interstate highway to get to his car which was broken down and he got hit by a dump truck. Thank you for the awesome review.
Comment from GARY MACLEAN
Well, I'm glad to find you're doing kinda OK if you have a "Jammock" I mean that is designed and built for a Jeep, circa 2013 - current. So, it probably means you have a less than ten-year-old Jeep, and a Jammock, someplace to sleep. ;))
Line 6: (is too much) should be (are too much) to agree with (waters)
Line 8: (seems) should be (seem) to agree with (traps)
Line 9: (surrounds) should be (surround) to agree with (temptations)
Line 10: (doesn't) should be (don't) to agree with (tribulations)
Line 15: (old fashioned) should be (old-fashioned) Hyphenated
Line 26: (A idle) should be (An idle)
Line 26: (devil) should be (devil's)
Line 36: (I been) should be (I've been)
Line 38: (If you feeling) should be (If you're feeling) or (If you feel)
Line 41: SUGGEST (Traumatic events) instead of (The traumatic events) maintain the feel of the poem like exhibited in Line 39: (Reality alarm)
Line 42: (Judas) should be (Judases) plural
I can readily sense that "writing is your passion" and that you are full of compassion. You always have such revealing lines in your work, that is why I will always be a Charity follower. I wish I could have gotten to this one earlier. It is one of your better ones.
Great stuff Charity. Don't get upset at how many observations I wrote. It's the reviewer in me, I just have to do it. The content of this piece is its saving grace anyway.
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2022
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Well, I'm glad to find you're doing kinda OK if you have a "Jammock" I mean that is designed and built for a Jeep, circa 2013 - current. So, it probably means you have a less than ten-year-old Jeep, and a Jammock, someplace to sleep. ;))
Line 6: (is too much) should be (are too much) to agree with (waters)
Line 8: (seems) should be (seem) to agree with (traps)
Line 9: (surrounds) should be (surround) to agree with (temptations)
Line 10: (doesn't) should be (don't) to agree with (tribulations)
Line 15: (old fashioned) should be (old-fashioned) Hyphenated
Line 26: (A idle) should be (An idle)
Line 26: (devil) should be (devil's)
Line 36: (I been) should be (I've been)
Line 38: (If you feeling) should be (If you're feeling) or (If you feel)
Line 41: SUGGEST (Traumatic events) instead of (The traumatic events) maintain the feel of the poem like exhibited in Line 39: (Reality alarm)
Line 42: (Judas) should be (Judases) plural
I can readily sense that "writing is your passion" and that you are full of compassion. You always have such revealing lines in your work, that is why I will always be a Charity follower. I wish I could have gotten to this one earlier. It is one of your better ones.
Great stuff Charity. Don't get upset at how many observations I wrote. It's the reviewer in me, I just have to do it. The content of this piece is its saving grace anyway.
Comment Written 23-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2022
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Where you ever a English teacher or do you have a degree in English or writing. I know you are fan and here to stay. Thank you for your input. Much love.
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No degree, never been a teacher, but I always did excellent in English. I enjoyed it, so it was easy for me.
Oh yes, you can't shake me, I likes me some Charity poetry. That's all there is to it. I'm here for the duration.
I look forward to seeing your name in my message box. You are unique in your style and your inner message, which makes it interesting.
Don't get agitated or anything, I'm just a fat old white man who has nothing better to do. I am certainly no stalker or pesterer of any kind. I just like to read certain things. Your stuff seems to make me think.
Have a blessed FanStory day.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this extremely passionate and emotional poem. I happen to know that God is always there for everyone no matter what the circumstances are.
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2022
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Thank you for sharing this extremely passionate and emotional poem. I happen to know that God is always there for everyone no matter what the circumstances are.
Comment Written 23-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2022
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You welcome. Thanks for your review.
Comment from mermaids
You have a strong steady beat in your words and the feeling of pain and struggle comes through clearly. Your rhyming of words adds to the strength of the feelings you describe. I like many lines in your words, so many can relate to what you are describing. "Trapped in the dungeons with dragons" is a powerful line.
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2022
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You have a strong steady beat in your words and the feeling of pain and struggle comes through clearly. Your rhyming of words adds to the strength of the feelings you describe. I like many lines in your words, so many can relate to what you are describing. "Trapped in the dungeons with dragons" is a powerful line.
Comment Written 23-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2022
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I'm glad you enjoyed most of my metaphors. Thanks for your feedback.
Comment from the13thpoet
Hello Charity a Fantastic Friday to you, I hope it finds you well. I enjoy your poetry, it always has a nice flow and shows depth of thought and emotions. Nice job!
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2022
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Hello Charity a Fantastic Friday to you, I hope it finds you well. I enjoy your poetry, it always has a nice flow and shows depth of thought and emotions. Nice job!
Comment Written 23-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2022
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I appreciate your reviews. Much appreciation and love.
Comment from Paul McFarland
Good slam material. I think it could be a little shorter, but hard to choose what to leave out. The plural of Judas is Judas's or Judases. I've been away so probably have missed some of your stuff.
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2022
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Good slam material. I think it could be a little shorter, but hard to choose what to leave out. The plural of Judas is Judas's or Judases. I've been away so probably have missed some of your stuff.
Comment Written 23-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2022
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Yes you missed alot of my poems. I just hosted my own poetry event two weeks ago. It was amazing. A great turnout. So many people loves was impacted. I hope all is well with you.
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Congratulations on your event. I had my first solo reading two nights ago. We don't get big crowds in our small towns, but it went great.
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How was your first solo reading? That's awesome. It's not about the crowd but the impact you have on people lives even if it's just one person.
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My wife is not a poetry fan, and she said it was really good. I could see the emotion in many faces which is a good sign.
Comment from Charles W. Johnson
Ouch. That was difficult to read and I mean that in the most complimentary way. I could feel your pain, hopelessness and frustration in every line. I didn't want to continue but couldn't stop. Charity, you did an outstanding job at conveying your struggles and inner demons. Keep up the fight and let your writing be your release.
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2022
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Ouch. That was difficult to read and I mean that in the most complimentary way. I could feel your pain, hopelessness and frustration in every line. I didn't want to continue but couldn't stop. Charity, you did an outstanding job at conveying your struggles and inner demons. Keep up the fight and let your writing be your release.
Comment Written 23-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2022
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I'm glad this poem kept you feening for more and on the edge of your seat.
