Genres
A detective gains a client2 total reviews
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
this was very nice and it reminded me a little bit of the stories of Robert Rankin.
There's a deeply held point of view and the voice of the narrator is strong and appealing.
Nice touches of world-building, giving a feel for the place.
I muttered something under my breath, made what I hoped looked like a religious gesture and breathed deeply - I don't think this really works in first person narrative. He must have known what he muttered under his breath, so why not divulge it?
Humans romanticise Fairies. - fairies is capitalised here but not elsewhere.
She looked down at the mess on the altar.
"Find a clean glass, give me a shot of whatever it is I can smell on your breath, and I'll tell you," she said.- this could all be part of the same paragraph and negate the need for the speech tag. (there are other areas you could do this with as well. It's fine to have the dialogue continue on from the speaker's actions.
This the War - this reads oddly.
She thought for a moment, then nodded. "When can you start?" she asked.- don't need the speech tag here.
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2022
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Hi there,
this was very nice and it reminded me a little bit of the stories of Robert Rankin.
There's a deeply held point of view and the voice of the narrator is strong and appealing.
Nice touches of world-building, giving a feel for the place.
I muttered something under my breath, made what I hoped looked like a religious gesture and breathed deeply - I don't think this really works in first person narrative. He must have known what he muttered under his breath, so why not divulge it?
Humans romanticise Fairies. - fairies is capitalised here but not elsewhere.
She looked down at the mess on the altar.
"Find a clean glass, give me a shot of whatever it is I can smell on your breath, and I'll tell you," she said.- this could all be part of the same paragraph and negate the need for the speech tag. (there are other areas you could do this with as well. It's fine to have the dialogue continue on from the speaker's actions.
This the War - this reads oddly.
She thought for a moment, then nodded. "When can you start?" she asked.- don't need the speech tag here.
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 21-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2022
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Thank you. I'm flattered by the comparison with a proper author
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
This is great. Your world is totally believable, and I love these irreverent priests, who deal with other creatures that we have never even seen. Impeccable writing. Thank you. I hope it will really be the start of a full book, and isn't just a con to test us. Kate xx
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2022
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This is great. Your world is totally believable, and I love these irreverent priests, who deal with other creatures that we have never even seen. Impeccable writing. Thank you. I hope it will really be the start of a full book, and isn't just a con to test us. Kate xx
Comment Written 19-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2022
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You're very kind, thank you for your review and generous score. I must admit I had fun writing this. I have to finish my other book first though.
