Reviews from

The Hitchbury Zone

Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "The Hitchbury Zone Chapter 1"
Hitchcock, Bradbury, Twilight Zone

15 total reviews 
Comment from Ian Tucker
Average
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Good imagination and a concept to build the story on. I found it too fast and a little dizzying for a first chapter. I don't feel I have much sense of who the characters are so find it a bit hard to relate to them even though they have already been nearly obliterated, frozen, marooned, terrified, pounced on and potentially double crossed. There's some exciting things to come here but I would have welcomed the chance to know the people involved a bit before they experienced so much.

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 Comment Written 04-Oct-2022

Comment from Liz O'Neill
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Your use of allusions will draw the reader in. You have courage writing a futuristic episode. Excellent use of similes. Your volume of knowledge is astounding. You definitely will have the reader's attention: "If the crawlies have any intelligence, they will attack when we move from the dome to the shuttle." The reader is beginning to have mixed emotions toward the crawlies: " The crawly could hear everything we said, and he even learned some English." I'm so glad I caught this at the beginning. A+

 Comment Written 26-Sep-2022


reply by the author on 27-Sep-2022
    Well, thank you very much! I am waiting to see if my entry won the contest for "first chapter." Once the results from the committee are announced in the next few days, I will create this as a book and release chapter two.
reply by Liz O'Neill on 27-Sep-2022
    good to hear
    I've already fanned you so I can follow you. I'm working on 30 promised reviews...but it will happen.
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2022
    you have time... It will be at least 5 days
reply by Liz O'Neill on 27-Sep-2022
    I'm usually about 2 chaps ahead of what I'm posting. This time I had to write the next chap. to be able to post.
Comment from estory
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

You have a really great, imaginative premise here, with these stranded astronauts on the inhospitable Mars dealing with these strange, dangerous crawlies. The situation is fraught with trouble, and you do a good job creating these tense moments through dialogue. I would suggest a little less narrative and more moments like this with the characters letting the story unfold with us readers in the middle of it. The dialogue moments are more exciting. I think this is going to make a really good sci fy series. estory

 Comment Written 21-Sep-2022


reply by the author on 21-Sep-2022
    Thank you for your review.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

This is a really interesting beginning to your book. Is this going to be a "never trust the Marines" story? Now that they have made friends with the crawlies, can they let them be experimented on? Your conversational style works well for the situation.

 Comment Written 20-Sep-2022


reply by the author on 20-Sep-2022
    I can't very well write a "never trust the FBI" story. Do you know how many of those I have to sit through?
Comment from Jay Squires
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

You have one helluva novel here, based at least on the first chapter. If you did continue on with it, would the chapters be this long? I got to know the interest span of the readers here over the 18 years I've been aboard. I honestly feel you're cutting your readership in half by having chapters longer than 1500-1600 words. I'm basing that on the Fantasy trilogy, The Trining, that I posted here over a period of about four years. Anyway, this is a beautiful start. There is a great feeling of authenticity as I read it -- so necessary with Sci-fi, heavy on the Sci.

Good luck, meanwhile, with the contest.

Jay

 Comment Written 20-Sep-2022


reply by the author on 20-Sep-2022
    Thank you for your review, Jay. I have already written chapter 2, and it is shorter... I expect that this will only go about ten chapters or so to reach an endpoint that could be resurrected.
reply by Jay Squires on 20-Sep-2022
    So, ultimately it could be a two or three parter?
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2022
    If people like it, I'll keep writing it.
Comment from Judy Lawless
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

I usually shy away from Horror and Thriller, Thomas, but I read this just to see what it was about. I'm not sure how long I would follow it, but this first chapter is very well done and has me curious, so we'll see. Good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 20-Sep-2022


reply by the author on 20-Sep-2022
    Thank you! When your name is not Stephen King, you have to write better to make up for it. (As if! LOL.) I do not intend for this to be a long, drawn-out book... less than ten parts.
    Regards, Thomas
reply by Judy Lawless on 20-Sep-2022
    You're most welcome, Thomas. Maybe I can make it through ten chapters. :) As long as I don't read it just before going to bed! lol
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Good concept. Good dialogue.
It's quite a long chapter, but kept my interest.
I'm not sure about your science, but it's fiction, right? I would think that slowing down the rotation of a planet the size of mars would cause all sorts of problems for inhabitants. But maybe not.
Good luck.

 Comment Written 20-Sep-2022


reply by the author on 20-Sep-2022
    If Mars were tectonically active, like the Earth, the crust would have ruptured, and there would have been earthquakes and volcanos. But the center of Mars is solid - not volcanic. The gravitational pull would increase, but it is only half of the Earth's to start.
reply by Wayne Fowler on 20-Sep-2022
    That answered that! Thanks.
Comment from lyenochka
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Whew! You did a lot of research for this. I enjoyed the real facts and names that you snuck in the believable storyline. They always have been hinting that Ganymede might be inhabitable. But as of today, even Neil de Grasse-Tyson doesn't think a mission to Mars will happen in another twenty years but you did place this in 2058...
Best wishes in the contest!

 Comment Written 20-Sep-2022


reply by the author on 20-Sep-2022
    Thank you for noticing. I research all my stories to base them on facts. Otherwise, someone out there, who knows a little bit about the topic, thinks I'm a piker. Cheers!
Comment from royowen
Excellent
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I guess we don't know what will happen if cataclysmic happen to our outer planetary neighbours, and we don't really know if there is any other forms of life, apart from our carbon based life forms, but the beauty of sci fi fiction, as long as it it's in the bounds of possibility, it doesn't, it has always been one of my favourite forms of fiction, beautifully written Thomas, you must have spent a lot of time on mental stories, a good writer, blessings Roy

 Comment Written 19-Sep-2022


reply by the author on 19-Sep-2022
    Or maybe I'm mental myself, Roy...Ha ha!
reply by royowen on 19-Sep-2022
    I think we both are Thomas
Comment from Ric Myworld
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

There's a whole lot of details here for a pea brain like mine to calculate and put in the right order. I did notice they were growing fruits and veggies hydroponically, but no dope. I guess, eating will come before getting high. LOL. Thanks for sharing. Come to think of it, I don't guess a special agent can comment on such things.

 Comment Written 19-Sep-2022


reply by the author on 19-Sep-2022
    Thank you for the review. LOL