Fire! Fire!
Things to take when a house fire blazes.4 total reviews
Comment from Annmuma
Excellent setting for the contest and your five items make sense. I enjoyed the read and your take on the contest. Your character develop was excellent and I could smell the smoke and feel the fear. Good luck in the contest. ann
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2022
  |
Excellent setting for the contest and your five items make sense. I enjoyed the read and your take on the contest. Your character develop was excellent and I could smell the smoke and feel the fear. Good luck in the contest. ann
Comment Written 18-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2022
-
Thank you for taking the time to read and for your thoughtful review. Appreciated.
Comment from Terry Broxson
This is a really well-done poem for this contest. The five items seem very logical and make sense. The sense of urgency you conveyed is excellent. Thank you for entering, and good luck. Terry;
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2022
|
This is a really well-done poem for this contest. The five items seem very logical and make sense. The sense of urgency you conveyed is excellent. Thank you for entering, and good luck. Terry;
Comment Written 17-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2022
-
Thank you for taking the time to review and provide feedback.
Comment from Tom Horonzy
I won't check if you cross the t's and dotted your eyes as to the words required but I like what I read, save for dad's advice. Don't firefighters tell you to keep the door closed to stem its voraciousness from its next meal? Just asking.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2022
|
I won't check if you cross the t's and dotted your eyes as to the words required but I like what I read, save for dad's advice. Don't firefighters tell you to keep the door closed to stem its voraciousness from its next meal? Just asking.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2022
-
Yes they do, but you know curiosity can burn the cat. Thanks for the read and feedback.
Comment from RodG
This poetic narrative gives the reader a clear picture of what it was like to wake up to a house afire. Then we see how you did NOT panic, but scooped up the five things and escaped the fire. Only one question? How did you get from upstairs to the garage if fire was "licking up the stairs like a fire breathing dragon"?
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2022
|
This poetic narrative gives the reader a clear picture of what it was like to wake up to a house afire. Then we see how you did NOT panic, but scooped up the five things and escaped the fire. Only one question? How did you get from upstairs to the garage if fire was "licking up the stairs like a fire breathing dragon"?
Comment Written 17-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2022
-
Thanks for the catch. I will correct by throwing a blanket into the tub, draping it over my head, and running down the stairs out the back door to a stand-alone garage.
Revision:
It was after midnight. I awoke to an acrid smell.
Reminded me when I spit on a soldering iron
To see if it was ready, it was coupled
With the odor of drag racers' peeling tires
Haze smoke crawled across my bedroom ceiling
Loud beeping and chirping from smoke detectors
Screaming danger in my sleepy head
Reached for my cell phone, called 911
Gave my address, trying not to panic
Said please get here as fast as you can
Jumped from my bed, the floor getting hot
Slipped on my shoes, the first thing to do
My dad long ago said when escaping a fire
Opened the bedroom door to take a look
Downstairs flames licking up the stairs
Like a fire-breathing dragon puffing away
My mind shouting a no-nonsense warning
To get out of the house as fast as I can
What to take? What to take?
Ripped a blanket from my bed
Wet it down in the tub in the bathroom
Put dripping blanket over my head
Grabbed my wallet and keys from the nightstand
Took the metal box with important documents
Opened my gym bag, threw in some clothes,
Dropped in my jewelry box with hidden cash
Bounded down through the flames on the stairs
Out the back door to the stand-alone garage
Drove the car through curdling smoke
Sat miserably across the street
Watching plumes of black smoke
Billow through the front room windows
Waiting forlornly for the firemen to come.
-
Much better. I revised my rating to 5 stars.
-
Thank you, sir, for the rating revision and the suggestion that helped me improve the work.
