The Best Time of Ohmie's Life
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "Best Time of Ohmie's Life pt 9"Dying of cancer, Ohmie learns his parents are spie
7 total reviews
Comment from GARY MACLEAN
Are you going to kill this Ohmie off Wayne? If you do, it won't affect the caveman Ohmie, will it?
Para 3, 3rd sentence: (pre title) should be (pre-title) Hyphen
Para 5, 3rd sentence: Insert one space between (6:) and (twenty)
Para 5, 2nd sentence: I THINK (walking,) should be (walking.) change the comma to a period and make it the end of the sentence.
Para 8, 1st sentence: (There's) should be (There are) plural - two thousand
Para 9, 2nd sentence: (Eifel) should be (Eiffel) since (Champ de Mars) is a real name I figured (Eifel) should be also.
Para 13, 2nd sentence: Need paragraph space after (difficult)
Para 16, 1st sentence: (dad) should be (Dad) the first word in a sentence.
Para 16, 3rd sentence: ('em) should be (him) I think the abbreviation ('em) is confusing as it sounds like it is short for (them)
This is a great adventure, but I have trouble mixing the two Ohmies up. I hope the spy Ohmie stands on his own.
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2022
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Are you going to kill this Ohmie off Wayne? If you do, it won't affect the caveman Ohmie, will it?
Para 3, 3rd sentence: (pre title) should be (pre-title) Hyphen
Para 5, 3rd sentence: Insert one space between (6:) and (twenty)
Para 5, 2nd sentence: I THINK (walking,) should be (walking.) change the comma to a period and make it the end of the sentence.
Para 8, 1st sentence: (There's) should be (There are) plural - two thousand
Para 9, 2nd sentence: (Eifel) should be (Eiffel) since (Champ de Mars) is a real name I figured (Eifel) should be also.
Para 13, 2nd sentence: Need paragraph space after (difficult)
Para 16, 1st sentence: (dad) should be (Dad) the first word in a sentence.
Para 16, 3rd sentence: ('em) should be (him) I think the abbreviation ('em) is confusing as it sounds like it is short for (them)
This is a great adventure, but I have trouble mixing the two Ohmies up. I hope the spy Ohmie stands on his own.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2022
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No, it won't hurt caveman Ohmie. There's one in every generation.
Thanks for the fabulous review.
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
I won't go into talking about cancer again. Mothers always fuss, it goes with the job description. But you had one memorable line in there:
The pastry did not cure cancer, I'm sorry to say.
Slight downside: 'your jump drive, the one you gave the Company, was phony' was a little succinct for the serial reading we are practising here. But well-done overall. Kate xx
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2022
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I won't go into talking about cancer again. Mothers always fuss, it goes with the job description. But you had one memorable line in there:
The pastry did not cure cancer, I'm sorry to say.
Slight downside: 'your jump drive, the one you gave the Company, was phony' was a little succinct for the serial reading we are practising here. But well-done overall. Kate xx
Comment Written 15-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2022
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Thank you for the review.
I get your point regarding readers who get the story parsed out in bits.
Comment from Michaela Moore
Wayne, this chapter is special for so many reasons. First, Ohmie's thoughts in this chapter are spectacular. His thinking is everywhere, just like a kid, and they are lighthearted while saddened. The humor juxtaposed with the realities all coming together is perfectly balanced here. And the love radiates from all three characters to each other, seeping out gloriously. The addition of the mother is exactly what was needed at this point. She is something new but fits like a glove--like she has been part of their story all along. Bravo, Maestro, Bravo!
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2022
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Wayne, this chapter is special for so many reasons. First, Ohmie's thoughts in this chapter are spectacular. His thinking is everywhere, just like a kid, and they are lighthearted while saddened. The humor juxtaposed with the realities all coming together is perfectly balanced here. And the love radiates from all three characters to each other, seeping out gloriously. The addition of the mother is exactly what was needed at this point. She is something new but fits like a glove--like she has been part of their story all along. Bravo, Maestro, Bravo!
Comment Written 15-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2022
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Wowie-zowie! Such from a teacher. I am above honored.
Thank you.
And thank you for the six stars!
Comment from Wendy G
Another fine chapter. And a strong ending, where his father has made a couple of errors. Great last sentence. Reader must think.
"Dad and I were both disguised." Needs a capital for Dad.
Looking forward to the next, but feeling very sorry for Ohmie with his cancer.
Wendy
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2022
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Another fine chapter. And a strong ending, where his father has made a couple of errors. Great last sentence. Reader must think.
"Dad and I were both disguised." Needs a capital for Dad.
Looking forward to the next, but feeling very sorry for Ohmie with his cancer.
Wendy
Comment Written 14-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2022
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Thank you. I'm really happy that readers are bonding with Ohmie. Thanks for the review.
Comment from Judy Lawless
Well that was a surprise ending, Wayne! It seems Ohmie Senior thought so too. This is another well written chapter, leaving us wondering what's next for Ohmie.
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2022
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Well that was a surprise ending, Wayne! It seems Ohmie Senior thought so too. This is another well written chapter, leaving us wondering what's next for Ohmie.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2022
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Thank you. Ohmie is having the time of his life.
Comment from royowen
I can understand a mum suffering because of grief for her son, but I think she recognises that he's a brave boy, and Carries on his life no matter what. His dad is supportive, I hope they get some respite from the cancer, and perhaps a cure, but then, that's in your hands Wayne, beautifully written, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2022
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I can understand a mum suffering because of grief for her son, but I think she recognises that he's a brave boy, and Carries on his life no matter what. His dad is supportive, I hope they get some respite from the cancer, and perhaps a cure, but then, that's in your hands Wayne, beautifully written, blessings Roy
Comment Written 14-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2022
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Thank you for a great review.
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Most welcome
Comment from Susan Newell
Wayne,
Keep the chapters coming. Ohmie's adventures are priceless. I've made some notes below (proofing and highlights).
Sue
I handed the book to Dad. "Page ninety-one." -- usually 10 and above are written numerically, nine and below, alphabetically
"Tomorrow, flight seventy-one ten." He started walking, I followed him to where we could see a flight schedule monitor. "That's an incoming flight. Your mom will be here tomorrow at six:twenty." -- I think: Flight 7110 and 6:20.
telling him that, his son had cancer and -- no pause = no comma
I had some kind of pastry that was like a thousand layers of flakes. -- my mouth is watering
And probably, try to see if there was anyone lurking about trying to find him. ==> to try to see
My mouth had a party. -- Love it.
"Nice boobs," Mom said. -- I don't remember Ohmie putting his bra back on.
I blurted it out quicker'n swiped candy went into a kid's jaw. ******
The man you did in Belarus was ours. And your jump drive, the one you gave the Company, was phony." -- missing opening "
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2022
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Wayne,
Keep the chapters coming. Ohmie's adventures are priceless. I've made some notes below (proofing and highlights).
Sue
I handed the book to Dad. "Page ninety-one." -- usually 10 and above are written numerically, nine and below, alphabetically
"Tomorrow, flight seventy-one ten." He started walking, I followed him to where we could see a flight schedule monitor. "That's an incoming flight. Your mom will be here tomorrow at six:twenty." -- I think: Flight 7110 and 6:20.
telling him that, his son had cancer and -- no pause = no comma
I had some kind of pastry that was like a thousand layers of flakes. -- my mouth is watering
And probably, try to see if there was anyone lurking about trying to find him. ==> to try to see
My mouth had a party. -- Love it.
"Nice boobs," Mom said. -- I don't remember Ohmie putting his bra back on.
I blurted it out quicker'n swiped candy went into a kid's jaw. ******
The man you did in Belarus was ours. And your jump drive, the one you gave the Company, was phony." -- missing opening "
Comment Written 14-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2022
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Thank you immensely.
This time I haveb proof! Plain text to Word and back is dangerous... and maddening!
Thank you for the great review.
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You are most welcome.
