The Incomparable Fanny Barnwarmer
Viewing comments for Chapter 20 "Incomparable Fanny Barnwarmer 20"America's First Female Comic
22 total reviews
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Jay,
I liked the pastor a lot. His speech is spot on.
Maples is the complete opposite but just as engaging.
This was riveting, given there's only two speeches, even more so but it lays the groundwork, explanation and infuses a little humour too.
Very nice
G
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2022
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Hi Jay,
I liked the pastor a lot. His speech is spot on.
Maples is the complete opposite but just as engaging.
This was riveting, given there's only two speeches, even more so but it lays the groundwork, explanation and infuses a little humour too.
Very nice
G
Comment Written 24-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2022
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Yes, I rather liked the pastor myself. Thank you, G! Your sixes just add to my conviction that I struck some deep chords.
Jay
Comment from Aiona
Mmm.. I'm coming in at the end (literally!), and haven't got much context to go by, but I definitely gleaned enough from just this one scene, to make me wish I could read the rest that came before. Unfortunately, I gotta go pick up my kids from school in a bit. So my reviewing of the other scenes will have to wait. Kudos for very good dialogue, clear characterizations (describing a character by having someone else describe him/her), and limited stage directions such that the directions there add meaning to the scene.
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2022
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Mmm.. I'm coming in at the end (literally!), and haven't got much context to go by, but I definitely gleaned enough from just this one scene, to make me wish I could read the rest that came before. Unfortunately, I gotta go pick up my kids from school in a bit. So my reviewing of the other scenes will have to wait. Kudos for very good dialogue, clear characterizations (describing a character by having someone else describe him/her), and limited stage directions such that the directions there add meaning to the scene.
Comment Written 22-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2022
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It means a lot to me that you even sampled this play, Aiona. And liked it enough to award it a six! Yikes! And thanks! Yes, coming into it when you did, makes comprehensive understanding impossible. The last scene posts this Saturday night. I hope you'll catch it.
Jay
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi Jay,
Excellent scene! I enjoyed the idea of Fanny and Juniper dancing around before the funeral started, and then sitting quietly while the service started.
"While I know of nothing in the Good Book which eschews the service I am about to perform ... and while it is not forbidden within the federal, state, and our city's regulations ... I know in my heart that God did not intend for two people--particularly not two people who are unrelated to each other--being buried together in the same coffin. I'm sorry, my brethren, but that is simply WRONG." ... So, this is only his opinion. Why then would he make his opinion public? That's what's wrong in churches today... man-made rules.
"Okay, okay, I'm letting poetry cover up what my reason doesn't want me to say simply ... that Fanny could never love me in the way Fanny loved Juniper. There, I said it." ... I guess it's clear enough that Tom Maples was in love with Fanny, but he'd have to stand in line for her affection.
I noted this description,
"[Enter UPSTAGE RIGHT, a young--twenty-ish--FANNY AND JUNIPER (see note below), both attired in the purest white, diaphanous gowns. They are within a vaporish glow. For the most part, they wander, hand-in-hand among the graves but occasionally stop to watch the proceedings. They are seen by no one but you.]" ... Jay, you have portrayed Fanny and Juniper, after their physical death and before their journey to Heaven, as "twenty-ish". Just wondering if that's how you picture people who are on their way to their eternal home. It's interesting. But it's all a mystery, too. I know one thing, though. Heaven is very close to Earth. Our Earth is not the center of the universe, but it is God's favorite spot outside of the spiritual realm that we can't see.
I'm not sure, but just as the reporter and Fanny kept hearing the train's whistle in the distance, I'm thinking Fanny and Juniper will suddenly start to hear a trumpet calling them home. Perhaps after the choir's song?
My favorite lines,
"I shall say a few words of earnest prayer over these two souls and then turn over the podium to Thomas Maples, who may be able to educate us--me, at least--as to the moral ... rectitude of today's double-barreled burial."
and,
"I knew right then that this young warrior had been knocked off love's stallion, had--without a word from Juniper's lips--been outmaneuvered, outwitted by this young interloper."
Nicely penned!
Cheers,
Kimbob
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2022
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Hi Jay,
Excellent scene! I enjoyed the idea of Fanny and Juniper dancing around before the funeral started, and then sitting quietly while the service started.
"While I know of nothing in the Good Book which eschews the service I am about to perform ... and while it is not forbidden within the federal, state, and our city's regulations ... I know in my heart that God did not intend for two people--particularly not two people who are unrelated to each other--being buried together in the same coffin. I'm sorry, my brethren, but that is simply WRONG." ... So, this is only his opinion. Why then would he make his opinion public? That's what's wrong in churches today... man-made rules.
"Okay, okay, I'm letting poetry cover up what my reason doesn't want me to say simply ... that Fanny could never love me in the way Fanny loved Juniper. There, I said it." ... I guess it's clear enough that Tom Maples was in love with Fanny, but he'd have to stand in line for her affection.
I noted this description,
"[Enter UPSTAGE RIGHT, a young--twenty-ish--FANNY AND JUNIPER (see note below), both attired in the purest white, diaphanous gowns. They are within a vaporish glow. For the most part, they wander, hand-in-hand among the graves but occasionally stop to watch the proceedings. They are seen by no one but you.]" ... Jay, you have portrayed Fanny and Juniper, after their physical death and before their journey to Heaven, as "twenty-ish". Just wondering if that's how you picture people who are on their way to their eternal home. It's interesting. But it's all a mystery, too. I know one thing, though. Heaven is very close to Earth. Our Earth is not the center of the universe, but it is God's favorite spot outside of the spiritual realm that we can't see.
I'm not sure, but just as the reporter and Fanny kept hearing the train's whistle in the distance, I'm thinking Fanny and Juniper will suddenly start to hear a trumpet calling them home. Perhaps after the choir's song?
My favorite lines,
"I shall say a few words of earnest prayer over these two souls and then turn over the podium to Thomas Maples, who may be able to educate us--me, at least--as to the moral ... rectitude of today's double-barreled burial."
and,
"I knew right then that this young warrior had been knocked off love's stallion, had--without a word from Juniper's lips--been outmaneuvered, outwitted by this young interloper."
Nicely penned!
Cheers,
Kimbob
Comment Written 14-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2022
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I don't know that I like the word lesbian to be attached to the couple. I tried to avoid that pronouncement and allow each reader to leave the play with his or her own conclusion. That they loved each other goes without saying.
Thank you, as always, for your trenchant reading and kindness in expressing it. You are an asset I'd hate to lose here on Fanstory.
Jay
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I'm sorry, Jay. I edited my review. No disrespect was intended.
Kimbob
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What did I say that could make you think I would EVER feel you'd disrespect me? Oh, my friend, if you only knew how privileged I feel just to have you read my stuff! So get that other notion outta your mind!
Jay
Comment from amahra
Another great installment towards the ending, Jay.
"...a large pile of dirt skirts the edge of a deep, rectangular hole." Alongside the opposite lip of the hole, a wider-than-usual,..." [Excellent descriptive writing...very poetic.]
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2022
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Another great installment towards the ending, Jay.
"...a large pile of dirt skirts the edge of a deep, rectangular hole." Alongside the opposite lip of the hole, a wider-than-usual,..." [Excellent descriptive writing...very poetic.]
Comment Written 14-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2022
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I'm glad you enjoyed that particular description. I rather enjoyed it myself, thank you .... I spent a lot of time on it to make it visually accurate and pleasing. You were the only one to mention it, though. Your six stars are a bonus I may not deserve, but love having it!
Jay
Comment from Spitfire
An interesting read. Two women buried in the same coffin. I wonder if that is even legal. I get the impression these two women were lovers in an intimate way. Is that correct. I enjoyed the service!
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2022
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An interesting read. Two women buried in the same coffin. I wonder if that is even legal. I get the impression these two women were lovers in an intimate way. Is that correct. I enjoyed the service!
Comment Written 12-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2022
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Bless you, Shari. Yes, I think it's totally legal, and yes I'd say they were in committed love, but I'd leave the amount of intimacy to the readers' imaginations. At least you enjoyed the service, LOL. We'll count it as a day at church for you. Truly, though, I thank you, dear Shari!
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Don't do that. There's no way I would ever go to a Baptist service. Color me
Metaphysical. Smile.
Comment from royowen
I think that's a brilliant touch with the ghosts of Juniper and Fanny walking hand in hand in diaphanous garments, to great affect. Those images speak more loudly than words, and then the priest offering his theological opinions, but at least he silenced himself, another good earthly touch. Well done, Jay, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2022
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I think that's a brilliant touch with the ghosts of Juniper and Fanny walking hand in hand in diaphanous garments, to great affect. Those images speak more loudly than words, and then the priest offering his theological opinions, but at least he silenced himself, another good earthly touch. Well done, Jay, blessings Roy
Comment Written 12-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2022
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I'm happy you enjoyed it, Roy. I was a little worried it might get a lot of scorn from the religious element here, but they've been surprisingly silent. I know you read with the intent of the writer at heart, and that's why I appreciate you!
Jay
Comment from Theodore McDowell
I think it is really interesting that you are including an epilogue to delve into the Fanny-Juniper relationship as a conclusion to the play. It is a different twist, as you always do. Well done.
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2022
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I think it is really interesting that you are including an epilogue to delve into the Fanny-Juniper relationship as a conclusion to the play. It is a different twist, as you always do. Well done.
Comment Written 12-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2022
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Thank you, Tim. It's good to get the play behind me. I have the final act ready to drop as soon as I get the shekels to promote it. I'm really anxious to get on with other things. This has been a drain -- though a loving one.
Comment from lyenochka
Oh okay, with Fanny's and Juniper's spirits showing up in this scene, I remember the early scenes where Juniper was in the background. So now we know that Maples was attracted to Fanny but was able to see Fanny and Juniper were in a love relationship already. I bet that was too hard for people of those days to understand or accept. As for the pastor, I'm not sure why he'd object to how people are buried. There were lots of pauper burials where hundreds were buried together...
Comments:
As the Pastor for many (pastor) I don't think it needs to be capitalized as a profession and not a title
I am here to Shephard. (shepherd)
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2022
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Oh okay, with Fanny's and Juniper's spirits showing up in this scene, I remember the early scenes where Juniper was in the background. So now we know that Maples was attracted to Fanny but was able to see Fanny and Juniper were in a love relationship already. I bet that was too hard for people of those days to understand or accept. As for the pastor, I'm not sure why he'd object to how people are buried. There were lots of pauper burials where hundreds were buried together...
Comments:
As the Pastor for many (pastor) I don't think it needs to be capitalized as a profession and not a title
I am here to Shephard. (shepherd)
Comment Written 12-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2022
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Ah .... and thank you for that catch. I shall change it right now!
Comment from Liz O'Neill
A striking way for the reader to understand why we're here: " as we prepare to send off Brady's own ... Fanny Berneice Barnwarmer ..." The reader didn't want to realize whose coffin it was. Great approach: "They are seen by no one but you." Effective alliteration. The b's have a sense of power: "double-barreled burial."
I think you were a pastor in a past life. Or you've taken a lot of notes. Maples just outed Fanny: "that Fanny could never love me in the way Fanny loved Juniper. There, I said it." Posthumously Stubborn: "they ARE to be buried together in that coffin with or without your blessing." Masterful A+
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2022
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A striking way for the reader to understand why we're here: " as we prepare to send off Brady's own ... Fanny Berneice Barnwarmer ..." The reader didn't want to realize whose coffin it was. Great approach: "They are seen by no one but you." Effective alliteration. The b's have a sense of power: "double-barreled burial."
I think you were a pastor in a past life. Or you've taken a lot of notes. Maples just outed Fanny: "that Fanny could never love me in the way Fanny loved Juniper. There, I said it." Posthumously Stubborn: "they ARE to be buried together in that coffin with or without your blessing." Masterful A+
Comment Written 11-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2022
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Liz, you are always so kind, but never in a flattering way. I'm glad you felt the way you did about my handling of the pastor. I didn't take notes. Nor -- I hope -- was I ever a pastor in a previous life. As a matter of fact, I felt I was running the risk of being too cliché in my handling of him. I hope I wasn't. Your sixes are always a delight to receive, especially when I feel in my heart that you felt I deserved it.
Jay
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The pastors I've heard are cliche'. There was one who said a few words intermittanly, but for close to an hour read random poems. If I'd a gotten to yuh intime, you coulda throwed in some pomes.
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Ah-ha! You are too funny!
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is very well done and moving. The pastor is a man of his time and doesn't want to admi that two people of the same sex can love each other. Thomas Maples loves Fannie but realizes she loves Juniper. He is a man enlightened before others as he agrees they should be together forever.
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2022
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This is very well done and moving. The pastor is a man of his time and doesn't want to admi that two people of the same sex can love each other. Thomas Maples loves Fannie but realizes she loves Juniper. He is a man enlightened before others as he agrees they should be together forever.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2022
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I'm glad you picked up more on the inner "vibe" of this scene. I'm afraid all won't. Same-sex love still has a deep current of shame among people of our generation.
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Probably better if they don't pick up on it. My church congregation is about 1/3 gay/lesbian, one is gradually transforming to female, some are asexual. Us little old ladies love them, but the little old men feel threatened, and the families with kids want the children to grow up around all kinds of people.