The Mission
La Purisima Mission11 total reviews
Comment from jessizero
Congratulations on your milestone post! This was a very interesting story. I would have run to the car, too. Thank you so much for sharing, and best wishes to you.
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2022
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Congratulations on your milestone post! This was a very interesting story. I would have run to the car, too. Thank you so much for sharing, and best wishes to you.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2022
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Thank you for your review and comments. As always, feedback is a bliss.
Comment from royowen
What a compelling illusion, to have a strangely dressed man, and being forced to follow him and come across other strange folk similar to him would be incredible, great story, a magnetic one at that, well done, blessings Roy
Typo : Someone who had step(ped) out
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2022
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What a compelling illusion, to have a strangely dressed man, and being forced to follow him and come across other strange folk similar to him would be incredible, great story, a magnetic one at that, well done, blessings Roy
Typo : Someone who had step(ped) out
Comment Written 10-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2022
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Thank you, yes, the imagination is amazing. Thank you for your review and comments.
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Well done
Comment from Bill Schott
This story, The Mission, reminds the readers of how merciless and short-sighted the colonial presence was when invading old cultures.
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2022
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This story, The Mission, reminds the readers of how merciless and short-sighted the colonial presence was when invading old cultures.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2022
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It was a horrible time in the history of humanity, I am so glad we have become more tolerant of different cultures. Thank you for your review and comments.
Comment from lyenochka
I think you did a great job describing that supernatural encounter. I wanted to know more about the connection to Mary Campbell. Is she a historical figure related to that mission?
Best wishes in the contest!
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2022
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I think you did a great job describing that supernatural encounter. I wanted to know more about the connection to Mary Campbell. Is she a historical figure related to that mission?
Best wishes in the contest!
Comment Written 10-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2022
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Mary Campbell was a young lady who was kidnapped by a Native American tribe and when she was released unharmed she came back with first hand information and personal experiences of living with the Natives.
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Ah! Thanks for that additional information!
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
What a creepy feeling of a freaky ghost! When I was reading your story, I was thinking if something like this would really happen, wouldn't it be mind-boggling? Ghost stories are written a lot lately.
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2022
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What a creepy feeling of a freaky ghost! When I was reading your story, I was thinking if something like this would really happen, wouldn't it be mind-boggling? Ghost stories are written a lot lately.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2022
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There is so much paranormal activity going on, it's crazy. I uploaded a ghost app on my phone, and although, I am not sure the gizmo is accurate, I find it interesting when I go to the mission, I get all kind of EMF activities. Thank you for your review and comments.
Comment from Tom Horonzy
I appreciate the history lesson. Are you a part of that tribe. Why else would you know these particulars? Good luck. .....................................................................
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2022
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I appreciate the history lesson. Are you a part of that tribe. Why else would you know these particulars? Good luck. .....................................................................
Comment Written 10-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2022
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No, I am not Chumash, lol, nor Native, at least not American Native. The truth is, we all have Indian in us. Thanks for your review and comments.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
The documentary inspired this scary encounter and I hung onto your words here and escaped to the car with you here, your imagination ran away with you, a fine post Maria, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2022
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The documentary inspired this scary encounter and I hung onto your words here and escaped to the car with you here, your imagination ran away with you, a fine post Maria, love Dolly x
Comment Written 10-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2022
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The documentary is really interesting. If you get a chance, look for it on youtube. It's amazing the sightings and phenomenal they experienced during their ghost hunt.
Comment from lancellot
Hmm, well, structurally this is well written and edited. There are some things I would suggest.
1) This is all 'telling' we are told everything in narration. We are shown feelings or interactions. Just told about them.
2) The beginning. 'It was going to be a beautiful day in Lompoc. As usual I wanted to start the day early with a morning walk at the La Purisima Mission' The beginning is about going on a walk, but immediately we are given a history lesson about the starting point. Now, that fits with the story, but a better beginning where the Mission matter would fit better.
3) Conclusion. There is none. What was the plot or point of the story? What was the result?
Considering these will make for a complete story. Remember the needed story elements.
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2022
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Hmm, well, structurally this is well written and edited. There are some things I would suggest.
1) This is all 'telling' we are told everything in narration. We are shown feelings or interactions. Just told about them.
2) The beginning. 'It was going to be a beautiful day in Lompoc. As usual I wanted to start the day early with a morning walk at the La Purisima Mission' The beginning is about going on a walk, but immediately we are given a history lesson about the starting point. Now, that fits with the story, but a better beginning where the Mission matter would fit better.
3) Conclusion. There is none. What was the plot or point of the story? What was the result?
Considering these will make for a complete story. Remember the needed story elements.
Comment Written 09-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2022
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Thank you for your review. I think the structure of the story has the beginning, the middle and the end. The conclusion is implied in the body of the story. I didn?t not know anything about the Chumash people until that day. The experience forced me to investigate. The conclusion doesn?t have to be the end, it could be a cliffhanger. Anyway I appreciate your feedback. Thanks
Comment from Wendy G
An eerie story which fits well into the category of "mind-boggling"! Your sense of fear was well conveyed. Best wishes for your entry in the contest.
Wendy
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2022
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An eerie story which fits well into the category of "mind-boggling"! Your sense of fear was well conveyed. Best wishes for your entry in the contest.
Wendy
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2022
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Thank you for reviewing my story and wonderful comments.
Comment from Julie G1
This text and graphic conveyed a paranormal experience really well. It is concise and succinct, the graphic worked for this reader too. The writer here answered the prompt, well done. I hope you keep on writing.
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2022
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This text and graphic conveyed a paranormal experience really well. It is concise and succinct, the graphic worked for this reader too. The writer here answered the prompt, well done. I hope you keep on writing.
Comment Written 09-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2022
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Thank you so much. I appreciate the exceptional review.