The Rumor
Teens believe after seeing with their own eyes.5 total reviews
Comment from GWHARGIS
Very fun entry. Loved the stories within the story. The characters were individual and had striking personalities. The description of the apparitions was haunting and yet beautiful. Well done and you got my vote.
Gretchen
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2022
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Very fun entry. Loved the stories within the story. The characters were individual and had striking personalities. The description of the apparitions was haunting and yet beautiful. Well done and you got my vote.
Gretchen
Comment Written 10-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2022
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Thank you, Gretchen, for the read, the feedback and the vote. Pleased you enjoyed the effort.
Comment from lancellot
An interesting story of stories. Good approach. There some things I think you may want to look over. Present and past tense changes among them.
notes:
Jason says, "I'll go first. My story is a warning for you guys who like to park in secluded spots.["]
- add
Lorie excitedly points toward near the old chapel. I looked over at her. Her eyes frozen, appearing like eight-balls. I shrugged.
- Here you switch from present to past tense.
"They're spirits!" Jason gushes. "They're entwining and dancing over their graves."
-Paragraph break-
An eerie lyric wafts on the wind. "No matter how cold our tombstones may grow. No matter the sun, driving rain or fallen snow. We'll rise every hallowed night and dance on graves in ethereal delight."
We hurriedly gathered our blankets and beer, scramble over the wall,
- you switch to past tense again.
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2022
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An interesting story of stories. Good approach. There some things I think you may want to look over. Present and past tense changes among them.
notes:
Jason says, "I'll go first. My story is a warning for you guys who like to park in secluded spots.["]
- add
Lorie excitedly points toward near the old chapel. I looked over at her. Her eyes frozen, appearing like eight-balls. I shrugged.
- Here you switch from present to past tense.
"They're spirits!" Jason gushes. "They're entwining and dancing over their graves."
-Paragraph break-
An eerie lyric wafts on the wind. "No matter how cold our tombstones may grow. No matter the sun, driving rain or fallen snow. We'll rise every hallowed night and dance on graves in ethereal delight."
We hurriedly gathered our blankets and beer, scramble over the wall,
- you switch to past tense again.
Comment Written 09-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2022
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Thank you for your careful read and your suggestions.
Comment from Wendy G
A fun entry, and it's definitely mind- boggling, with plenty of eeriness as well as humour. Best wishes for your entry in the contest.
Wendy
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2022
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A fun entry, and it's definitely mind- boggling, with plenty of eeriness as well as humour. Best wishes for your entry in the contest.
Wendy
Comment Written 09-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2022
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Thanks for the read and encouraging feedback
Comment from newilk
I love how familiar and relatable the beginning of the story is with the drinking in a graveyard and the telling of well known stories like 'the hook' and 'the monkeys paw' I'd maybe describe the second story in a bit more detail for those who are unfamiliar but I loved the quick switch back to the reason they came in the first place!
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2022
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I love how familiar and relatable the beginning of the story is with the drinking in a graveyard and the telling of well known stories like 'the hook' and 'the monkeys paw' I'd maybe describe the second story in a bit more detail for those who are unfamiliar but I loved the quick switch back to the reason they came in the first place!
Comment Written 07-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2022
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Thanks for the read and feedback
Comment from ImaginosBuzzardoDesdinova
A delightfully frightful tale. Reminds me of one of my favourite horror anthology movies. And I loved how you brought up the Monkey's Paw. That was a classic. Well written.
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2022
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A delightfully frightful tale. Reminds me of one of my favourite horror anthology movies. And I loved how you brought up the Monkey's Paw. That was a classic. Well written.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2022
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Thank you for taking the time to read and the feedback.
