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Viewing comments for Chapter 15 "Uno"A Flash Fiction Collection
11 total reviews
Comment from dmt1967
This story made me laugh. I must admit I expected more but was delighted by what I got. Very well written and very entertaining. Thank you for sharing and have a nice week.
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2022
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This story made me laugh. I must admit I expected more but was delighted by what I got. Very well written and very entertaining. Thank you for sharing and have a nice week.
Comment Written 21-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2022
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Thank you very much. It was fun to write too.
Comment from GARY MACLEAN
I LOVE Davie, aka David, And Mr. Howard is my kind of dad.
P3, s2: Remove comma after (cards) only one clause
P7, s1: Add a comma after (Amelia Grant)
P9, s3: (rage inducing) should be (rage-inducing) Hyphen
P12, s2: Remove comma after (to hers) only one clause
The only letdown was in the author's notes when you said, "no one has sex." It's nice to say, but we know better, or at least I hope we do. David worked hard enough for it. Besides four hours later, how much hair can one woman wash?
Great storytelling Lance, sex or not. You depicted in one brief story the dreams of every single teenage boy in America. "That's my man!"
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2022
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I LOVE Davie, aka David, And Mr. Howard is my kind of dad.
P3, s2: Remove comma after (cards) only one clause
P7, s1: Add a comma after (Amelia Grant)
P9, s3: (rage inducing) should be (rage-inducing) Hyphen
P12, s2: Remove comma after (to hers) only one clause
The only letdown was in the author's notes when you said, "no one has sex." It's nice to say, but we know better, or at least I hope we do. David worked hard enough for it. Besides four hours later, how much hair can one woman wash?
Great storytelling Lance, sex or not. You depicted in one brief story the dreams of every single teenage boy in America. "That's my man!"
Comment Written 20-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2022
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Sorry about that, but you know how FanStory is about sex. Unless it's made into a joke or an accusation against men, they hate it.
Thank you, Gary.
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I've only read a couple of your "sex-leaning" contributions, and I like them. So, I hope you don't quit entirely. Besides this one was as innocent as a boy coming of age.
Comment from Shirley McLain
I think that young man got the education he wanted. Great story, and I enjoyed every word. I wasn't expecting the ending. You did your usual wonderful job. Shirley
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2022
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I think that young man got the education he wanted. Great story, and I enjoyed every word. I wasn't expecting the ending. You did your usual wonderful job. Shirley
Comment Written 19-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2022
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Thank you very much.
Comment from Michaela Moore
This coming-of-age story is priceless! I love the hidden struggle of woman vs man underneath the more innocent struggle of an innocent working to gain experience. And I also love how you have the omniscient 3rd person so that we can see inside the minds of both characters. I love the dialogue dripping with intrigue. Such a fun story.
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2022
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This coming-of-age story is priceless! I love the hidden struggle of woman vs man underneath the more innocent struggle of an innocent working to gain experience. And I also love how you have the omniscient 3rd person so that we can see inside the minds of both characters. I love the dialogue dripping with intrigue. Such a fun story.
Comment Written 19-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2022
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Thank you very much.
Comment from Spitfire
The two main characters are so well-defined in what I might call a 'coming of age' story. Amy comes across as a prick tease, but she went too far when she attacked David's beloved piggy bank. Great dialogue as the two spar.
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2022
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The two main characters are so well-defined in what I might call a 'coming of age' story. Amy comes across as a prick tease, but she went too far when she attacked David's beloved piggy bank. Great dialogue as the two spar.
Comment Written 18-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2022
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LOL, yes. his nana gave him that bank.
Thank you very much.
Comment from Thesis
The story and writing are good. It develops from an innocent flirtation to a situation that made me think there could be criminality because of the age differences of the characters. The Dad's reaction was an unexpected response, especially in this "Me too" environment.
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2022
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The story and writing are good. It develops from an innocent flirtation to a situation that made me think there could be criminality because of the age differences of the characters. The Dad's reaction was an unexpected response, especially in this "Me too" environment.
Comment Written 18-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2022
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Thank you very much.
Comment from Judy Lawless
You did a great job of building this up, Lance. The upper hand bounced from David (Davie) to Amy (Amelia) a few times, leaving us sitting on the edge of our seats, wondering how it would go. If you hadn't added that note, we'd figure a very different outcome, as did his dad, I think. lol Well done.
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2022
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You did a great job of building this up, Lance. The upper hand bounced from David (Davie) to Amy (Amelia) a few times, leaving us sitting on the edge of our seats, wondering how it would go. If you hadn't added that note, we'd figure a very different outcome, as did his dad, I think. lol Well done.
Comment Written 18-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2022
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Thank you very much, Judy. Yes, I'm seeing that. I wonder why many people go straight from no sex to sex, and skip all the wonderful experiences in between.
Maybe, I'll write about that in more detail.
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You're welcome, Lance. I totally agree.
Comment from royowen
I expect that Davie's dad would be proud of his son, even if he just had his hair shampooed, I'm not sure why to "sow one's wild oats" is applied to the male, and not the female. Nicely written though my friend, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2022
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I expect that Davie's dad would be proud of his son, even if he just had his hair shampooed, I'm not sure why to "sow one's wild oats" is applied to the male, and not the female. Nicely written though my friend, blessings Roy
Comment Written 18-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2022
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Why do you say that? That's not in this story. Oh Well.
Thank you very much for reading and reviewing.
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You said the father said, ?that?s my boy?, what do you think that infers?
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Pride. Taking a step into manhood. Stepping forward with confidence, resolve and maturity. David, came down them stairs like a boss. Don't you think?
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Well if that what makes one a man, somehow pride and actual maturity don?t connect do you think? I am not proud of my miscreant life when young, it made me a stud, but never a man. Nor drinking a pint of beer in 10 seconds made me one either.
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Understood, but you are a religious or spiritual person. I am not. And I'm sure we come from entirely different backgrounds.
At the end of the day. It is only a fictional tale.
Thanks for reading and reviewing, Roy.
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Of course, but I wasn?t a believer until I was 41, I do understand it?s fiction.
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Yes, but, and this is not a jab. You are 80 years-young. I have found that many seniors have different 'feelings' or views on sexual matters than they did in their non-senior years. Is that not true... mostly?
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I don?t know, having daughters changes one?s mind dramatically, the sixties and seventies were probably more avant-Gard than now. I am still a product of that era. But I can identify with you, sex is great, but not gratuitously, it sort of stuffs up, kindness, goodness. You know, unimportant things. But what we think on morals is a matter of choice, not age. My grandsons certainly think differently, one?s upbringing is important, remember that?s how mighty empires have fallen. My mind needed a spring clean, it?s all about choice not generation, God gave me a mind, as He did you. Nothing to do with eras or time, everything to do with choice,
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Yes. Wise words, my friend. Wise words.
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Well done
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
This is perfect. I sort of wish you'd waited a few days before giving us the reveal. I worked out he'd won (he was so smug), but not what he'd won... I wish I'd been left to mull a bit. Kate xx
Perfect except: raise an eyebrow > raised an eyebrow
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2022
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This is perfect. I sort of wish you'd waited a few days before giving us the reveal. I worked out he'd won (he was so smug), but not what he'd won... I wish I'd been left to mull a bit. Kate xx
Perfect except: raise an eyebrow > raised an eyebrow
Comment Written 18-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2022
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Yeah, unfortunately on FanStory, there are people who believe the only thing males and females can do undressed is have sex. That's it. There is intercourse or virginity, nothing else. So, I have to explain, that there are many, many other things. Many wonderful, enjoyable things, besides sex.
Thank you very much.
Comment from judiverse
Really? David needs a babysitter? Maybe they should find a grandmother type. Dad has no reason whatsoever to be proud of him, as the boy has the makings of a pervert. I question the age disparity. If she has been his babysitter since he was 8, she must have been 13 when she started babysitting. A bit young. Amy's a bit perverted, too, as she wants the money he's saved. I do like that she turned the tables on him that way. Interesting that he tries to use such adult language. judi
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reply by the author on 18-Sep-2022
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Really? David needs a babysitter? Maybe they should find a grandmother type. Dad has no reason whatsoever to be proud of him, as the boy has the makings of a pervert. I question the age disparity. If she has been his babysitter since he was 8, she must have been 13 when she started babysitting. A bit young. Amy's a bit perverted, too, as she wants the money he's saved. I do like that she turned the tables on him that way. Interesting that he tries to use such adult language. judi
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 18-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2022
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LOL. I'm dying.
Thank you very much, Judi.
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You'd think a teenage boy would spend the night with some friends instead of needing a babysitter. I wonder about his parents. judi