Life In The Big Shitty
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "It Should Have Been Ideal"The first eighty years.
19 total reviews
Comment from LateBloomer
Hello author, your story is filled with high sensory appeal. Your words weave the pain and hopelessness that no child should every know or feel. You were only 5 years old, and you felt abandoned and alone. Your rebellion was an understandable cry for help. You fell in love with Jesus--your Savior. You so wanted to be saved, to be loved. You had every right to feel the way that you did. You found out very early in life that life is not always fair--not even some of the time.
Of special note:
I stood at the third-floor window of my dorm, looking out at the lights of the city, wondering what was out there. I wish now, I had never found out.
(WOW. The above says it all. You learned to face and survive in a world that is not always pretty, a world that can be brutal.)
A story that cries from the heart. Well done, well told.
Below are a few suggestion corrections:
--Para 2, Line 6 - We has dormatories - we "had" dormatories
-- Para 3, Line 6 - It was, also I believe - It was, I believe, (omit also)
As this is a contest entry, I wish you good luck. LateBloomer
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2022
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Hello author, your story is filled with high sensory appeal. Your words weave the pain and hopelessness that no child should every know or feel. You were only 5 years old, and you felt abandoned and alone. Your rebellion was an understandable cry for help. You fell in love with Jesus--your Savior. You so wanted to be saved, to be loved. You had every right to feel the way that you did. You found out very early in life that life is not always fair--not even some of the time.
Of special note:
I stood at the third-floor window of my dorm, looking out at the lights of the city, wondering what was out there. I wish now, I had never found out.
(WOW. The above says it all. You learned to face and survive in a world that is not always pretty, a world that can be brutal.)
A story that cries from the heart. Well done, well told.
Below are a few suggestion corrections:
--Para 2, Line 6 - We has dormatories - we "had" dormatories
-- Para 3, Line 6 - It was, also I believe - It was, I believe, (omit also)
As this is a contest entry, I wish you good luck. LateBloomer
Comment Written 06-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2022
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Thank you, Dear friend for the compliments. I corrected the errors. Blessings, Barbara. Xo
Comment from lyenochka
Thank you for sharing this hard part of your childhood! So did you get to return home after you were "kicked out?" Was your sister also going to school at age three? Another writer here also was temporarily put into an orphanage. But after several years, their mom could afford to get them back. That kind of trauma changes you. But I'm glad you met the Lord and that you returned to Him, knowing He never left you. Best wishes in the contest!!
We Has dormitories. (had)
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2022
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Thank you for sharing this hard part of your childhood! So did you get to return home after you were "kicked out?" Was your sister also going to school at age three? Another writer here also was temporarily put into an orphanage. But after several years, their mom could afford to get them back. That kind of trauma changes you. But I'm glad you met the Lord and that you returned to Him, knowing He never left you. Best wishes in the contest!!
We Has dormitories. (had)
Comment Written 06-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2022
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Thank you, Helen. It was corrected. I was 5 when we went in and 10 when we were kicked out. My sis was 3 when in and 8 when we were out. We lived with our mother then. Blessings, Barbara Xo
Comment from Liz O'Neill
There is nso much I have to say. I am so glad you at least have non abusive memories from the orphanage. I'm sure you've heard the horror stories of the Native Americans horror. There actually have been similar victim stories in the single orphanage in our little state of Vermont. My therapist taught to be my own nurturing parent as he concluded I had nothing to draw from, from my childhood time. Writing has always been a solace.
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2022
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There is nso much I have to say. I am so glad you at least have non abusive memories from the orphanage. I'm sure you've heard the horror stories of the Native Americans horror. There actually have been similar victim stories in the single orphanage in our little state of Vermont. My therapist taught to be my own nurturing parent as he concluded I had nothing to draw from, from my childhood time. Writing has always been a solace.
Comment Written 05-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2022
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Thank you. Mine also Liz, I started writing When I was in my sixties. We had some bad discipline problems, but mostly, it was ok/ We had so ,any girls. I think at least close to 3 hundred. Blessings, Barbara. Xo
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***hugs***
Comment from Wendy G
Your story explains a very sad and lonely life, and all the defence mechanisms were there to protect you. You have conveyed your feelings well on your life journey. Best wishes for your entry.
Wendy
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2022
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Your story explains a very sad and lonely life, and all the defence mechanisms were there to protect you. You have conveyed your feelings well on your life journey. Best wishes for your entry.
Wendy
Comment Written 05-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2022
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Thank you, Wendy. Blessings. Barbara. Xo
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is an interesting story, especially so as some of the writing (especially the 2nd paragraph) are written with the poor English (oddly placed periods and sentences) that you say you didn't learn. Best of luck in the Sense of Place short story contest.
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2022
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This is an interesting story, especially so as some of the writing (especially the 2nd paragraph) are written with the poor English (oddly placed periods and sentences) that you say you didn't learn. Best of luck in the Sense of Place short story contest.
Comment Written 05-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2022
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Thank you, Carol. I learned most of what I know on FS. I edited this. Blessings. Barbara. Xo
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is an interesting story, especially so as some of the writing (especially the 2nd paragraph) are written with the poor English (oddly placed periods and sentences) that you say you didn't learn. Best of luck in the Sense of Place short story contest.
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2022
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This is an interesting story, especially so as some of the writing (especially the 2nd paragraph) are written with the poor English (oddly placed periods and sentences) that you say you didn't learn. Best of luck in the Sense of Place short story contest.
Comment Written 05-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2022
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I already responded to this review. Xo. B
Comment from Dr. Von
Thank you for writing a personal snapshot of your early life and home. It is neither easy nor comfortable to present this view. However, you gave the reader clearly stated descriptions and a candid storyline. This is good work.
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2022
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Thank you for writing a personal snapshot of your early life and home. It is neither easy nor comfortable to present this view. However, you gave the reader clearly stated descriptions and a candid storyline. This is good work.
Comment Written 05-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2022
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Thank you, so very much Dr Von. Blessings, Barbara. Xo
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You are welcome.
Comment from Sandra Nelms-Ludwig
Whew! I am so sorry your mom and dad didn't raise you, and you struggled the beginning years of your life to make sense of it. Most angry children are really upset and sad children. At least that was what I found in my 28 years in the classroom. Your anger was justified. I am glad you are now able to speak openly about this difficult time. Your story is well-written, but the font size is too small for most of the senior writers on this site. A visual would also enhance your presentation. Good luck in the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2022
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Whew! I am so sorry your mom and dad didn't raise you, and you struggled the beginning years of your life to make sense of it. Most angry children are really upset and sad children. At least that was what I found in my 28 years in the classroom. Your anger was justified. I am glad you are now able to speak openly about this difficult time. Your story is well-written, but the font size is too small for most of the senior writers on this site. A visual would also enhance your presentation. Good luck in the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2022
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Thank you, Sandra. Blessings, Barbara. Xo
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You are welcome. Blessings are wished for you and continue healing. It takes time to get better. Trust me, I know.
Comment from joann r romei
I am glad you discovered this site, lately I consider myself to be a loner, yet I have few select people in my life, I find most people in general are fake and social media can be depressing at times. Good luck.
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2022
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I am glad you discovered this site, lately I consider myself to be a loner, yet I have few select people in my life, I find most people in general are fake and social media can be depressing at times. Good luck.
Comment Written 05-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2022
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Thank you, Joann. I agree mostly, but I have been here many years, but never did much, but write. There is so much more to offer, I'm finding out. Blessings, Barbara. Xo
