The Best Time of Ohmie's Life
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "Best Time of Ohmie's Life pt 7"Dying of cancer, Ohmie learns his parents are spie
8 total reviews
Comment from Michaela Moore
Oh, I hate being left in this story without the advantage of being able to turn the page and read on. Ack! Oh Ohmie, what will happen next? This code sound so cool. Is it a real thing? How can I learn more about this fascinating code. If it isn't real, please don't laugh at me. Does his dad happen to be Bourne? He is as smart as Bourne. I just love these adventures, and having Ohmie be apart of them is the icing on this rich, decadent cake! Write on, my friend. Write on!
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2022
  |
Oh, I hate being left in this story without the advantage of being able to turn the page and read on. Ack! Oh Ohmie, what will happen next? This code sound so cool. Is it a real thing? How can I learn more about this fascinating code. If it isn't real, please don't laugh at me. Does his dad happen to be Bourne? He is as smart as Bourne. I just love these adventures, and having Ohmie be apart of them is the icing on this rich, decadent cake! Write on, my friend. Write on!
Comment Written 10-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2022
-
Thank you! Thank you!
What a fun review.
Yes, the code is real. By Jerry Lucas (and another writer) in a book titled 'The Memory Book'. Fascinating read.
It's unlikely that I will put all 44K+ words on FanStory. It would take months. I've sent it to two others by email, and would be happy to send it to you. Of course, reviewers are finding errors here and there. Let me know.
Comment from GARY MACLEAN
More mystery as Ohmie's Dad runs and escapes detection. I'm still waiting anxiously to see what he is running from or why he is hiding.
Para 2, 5th sentence: (Oh Yeah. He spoke) should be (Oh yeah, he spoke)
Para 5, 1st sentence: Remove comma after (understand)
Para 12, 2nd sentence: (restaurant,) should be (restaurant;) semicolons separate two independent clauses. Both have a noun and a verb.
Para 17, 2nd sentence: (those sort of places) should be (those sorts of places) make sort plural to agree with (those)
Para 21, 2nd sentence: Add comma after (apparatus)
Para 25, 4th sentence: (cause) should be (causing)
Jerry Lucas is real. A very accomplished basketball player and the one who came up with the Memory Book. I don't know if it would work on this dusty old mind, but I just might try it. If it's good enough for Ohmie, it's good enough for me.
Another great installment Wayne.
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2022
|
More mystery as Ohmie's Dad runs and escapes detection. I'm still waiting anxiously to see what he is running from or why he is hiding.
Para 2, 5th sentence: (Oh Yeah. He spoke) should be (Oh yeah, he spoke)
Para 5, 1st sentence: Remove comma after (understand)
Para 12, 2nd sentence: (restaurant,) should be (restaurant;) semicolons separate two independent clauses. Both have a noun and a verb.
Para 17, 2nd sentence: (those sort of places) should be (those sorts of places) make sort plural to agree with (those)
Para 21, 2nd sentence: Add comma after (apparatus)
Para 25, 4th sentence: (cause) should be (causing)
Jerry Lucas is real. A very accomplished basketball player and the one who came up with the Memory Book. I don't know if it would work on this dusty old mind, but I just might try it. If it's good enough for Ohmie, it's good enough for me.
Another great installment Wayne.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2022
-
Hah! It's a great memory aid.
Thank you for the terrific review.
And for the helps.
And yes - I believe back in those days, the players were far more accomplished than the huge people now who are content to slam and slug away. (Steph Curry excepted)
As I repaired my piece using your helps, I realized why I couldn't use the last one. It would foul the phone number code.
"cause my car to go quickly. 7-0-3-7-4-1-7-7-7-5"
c=7, s=0, m=3, c=7, r=4, t=1, g=7, q-7, ck=7, l-5.
Your 'ing' would decode to a 2 and a 7 where I needed nothing.
Personally, I think that allowing no value for vowels, silent letters, and the 2nd (or first, lol) of double letters, makes the code ingenious.
Thanks, though - especially for all the other helps.
-
So, do you use that "memory" system?
-
occasionally, for short numbers.
It's getting harder to come up with words to make a coherent phrase all the time. Way easier 50 years ago.
-
Everything was easier 50 years ago whadaya mean?
Comment from Wendy G
Well, it's a different world, for sure, and they certainly get around a lot, even though Ohmie has cancer! Yet it's an engaging write, and I am enjoying it. Will get to the other chapters ...
Wendy
Typo: "I saw that little lip twitch...." (not "In saw")
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2022
|
Well, it's a different world, for sure, and they certainly get around a lot, even though Ohmie has cancer! Yet it's an engaging write, and I am enjoying it. Will get to the other chapters ...
Wendy
Typo: "I saw that little lip twitch...." (not "In saw")
Comment Written 06-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2022
-
Thank you.
I haven't decided when to stop posting chapters yet.
Comment from Susan Newell
Wayne,
Another good chapter with just a few typos. I didn't understand the code and wasn't sure if you meant to write it the way you did. Notes follow.
Sue
didn't have that must stashed.==> much
At the next alley, Dad sort of persuaded me into an alley. -- you can do better
pushing me to the direction from where the car had come from. -- ending from is not needed
In saw that little lip twitch -- I saw?
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2022
|
Wayne,
Another good chapter with just a few typos. I didn't understand the code and wasn't sure if you meant to write it the way you did. Notes follow.
Sue
didn't have that must stashed.==> much
At the next alley, Dad sort of persuaded me into an alley. -- you can do better
pushing me to the direction from where the car had come from. -- ending from is not needed
In saw that little lip twitch -- I saw?
Comment Written 05-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2022
-
Thank you.
I got in too big a hurry.
-
I suspected as much. Sometimes you just have to go with the flow or lose it altogether.
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
Hey Wayne,
I like this series, but I felt like this was maybe rushed too much - reading it, I felt like you were just trying to get words down on paper. There were a lot of spags - I wrote down a few, but I'm not sure I got them all. If you really love telling Ohmie's story, give him the time and thought he deserves. This is a good story, but could be great.
He didn't have that MUCH (not must) stashed.
He also traded passports. (with a different one is unnecessary).
What other languages DO you speak (not to).
Dad grabbed my arm (not by arm)
I saw that little lip twitch (instead of In saw . . .)
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2022
 |
Hey Wayne,
I like this series, but I felt like this was maybe rushed too much - reading it, I felt like you were just trying to get words down on paper. There were a lot of spags - I wrote down a few, but I'm not sure I got them all. If you really love telling Ohmie's story, give him the time and thought he deserves. This is a good story, but could be great.
He didn't have that MUCH (not must) stashed.
He also traded passports. (with a different one is unnecessary).
What other languages DO you speak (not to).
Dad grabbed my arm (not by arm)
I saw that little lip twitch (instead of In saw . . .)
Comment Written 05-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2022
-
Thank you.
You are exactly right. This was the fastest I ever wrote.
Comment from Judy Lawless
I thought you might not be posting any more of this, Wayne, but since you have, I'll review it here. I did like the fast pace, even though I had to slow my mind down a tad and re-read from time to time. The only structural problem missed by others, that I could see, was this: "What other languages to(do) you speak?"
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2022
|
I thought you might not be posting any more of this, Wayne, but since you have, I'll review it here. I did like the fast pace, even though I had to slow my mind down a tad and re-read from time to time. The only structural problem missed by others, that I could see, was this: "What other languages to(do) you speak?"
Comment Written 05-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2022
-
Thank you.
Yes, there were other errors pointed out.
I wrote it too fast.
-
You're most welcome, Wayne.
Comment from lancellot
Very interesting espionage chapter. I would recommend looking it over again for additional editing.
notes:
I guess the first one didn't have enough of the right kind, or he just didn't have that {must} stashed.
- much?
He also traded passports with a different one
- He also traded our passports for different ones.
I was to call him Papa still, but {by} name (he} was now Pierre.
-I was still to call him Papa, but my name was now Pierre.
"What other languages {to} you speak?" I asked,
-"What other languages do you speak?" I asked,
At the next alley, Dad sort of persuaded me into an alley.
- rewrite, confusing.
["] But first go into the bathroom and move your gun to the small of your back...
- add
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2022
|
Very interesting espionage chapter. I would recommend looking it over again for additional editing.
notes:
I guess the first one didn't have enough of the right kind, or he just didn't have that {must} stashed.
- much?
He also traded passports with a different one
- He also traded our passports for different ones.
I was to call him Papa still, but {by} name (he} was now Pierre.
-I was still to call him Papa, but my name was now Pierre.
"What other languages {to} you speak?" I asked,
-"What other languages do you speak?" I asked,
At the next alley, Dad sort of persuaded me into an alley.
- rewrite, confusing.
["] But first go into the bathroom and move your gun to the small of your back...
- add
Comment Written 05-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2022
-
Thank you.
Yes, I wrote too fast (and prob'ly got a little high-headed and cocky)
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
The story feels as though it's starting to muddle suddenly (for example I never could work out the remembering numbers lesson). Maybe this is deliberate to indicate death or danger coming close, or maybe you're skimping a bit on the last revision now to move on to something else. Either way, I stopped straight away my list 'to consider' because there were too many. I will just say that the combination of the two problems I've indicated disturbed the read a tad too much. Sorry Kate xx
must stashed > much stashed
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2022
|
The story feels as though it's starting to muddle suddenly (for example I never could work out the remembering numbers lesson). Maybe this is deliberate to indicate death or danger coming close, or maybe you're skimping a bit on the last revision now to move on to something else. Either way, I stopped straight away my list 'to consider' because there were too many. I will just say that the combination of the two problems I've indicated disturbed the read a tad too much. Sorry Kate xx
must stashed > much stashed
Comment Written 05-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2022
-
That's okay -
1 - a problem with whistling through 44K words in 2 weeks
2- limiting the size of the chapters
3 - introducing numbers in a 'words' piece (bothered my wife a bit, too) (I thought it necessary to a teenager-spy story)
Others have argued that the piece needed to slow down, too much action. I'm not professional enough to slow down without adding muddle.
Thanks for the input.
