Broken
A veteran's perspective.35 total reviews
Comment from irishauthorme
Hey, Welcome to The Club, Doug! 'Writer' or 'Office' takes care of our spelling errors, but grammar errors are corrected by educated readers here on FS.
My grammar is terrible, I am currently studying 'The Complete Idiot's Guide to Writing.
And yeah, many of us here (Few admit it) are 50/50's, but I believe that our overactive imaginations compensate for some of that. Have a couple of buddies with left-over trauma from Vietnam. One is in and out of treatment facilities, the other should be.
Good acrostic, maybe 'anguish' s/b 'anguished?' Dunno.
Cheers, irish
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2022
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Hey, Welcome to The Club, Doug! 'Writer' or 'Office' takes care of our spelling errors, but grammar errors are corrected by educated readers here on FS.
My grammar is terrible, I am currently studying 'The Complete Idiot's Guide to Writing.
And yeah, many of us here (Few admit it) are 50/50's, but I believe that our overactive imaginations compensate for some of that. Have a couple of buddies with left-over trauma from Vietnam. One is in and out of treatment facilities, the other should be.
Good acrostic, maybe 'anguish' s/b 'anguished?' Dunno.
Cheers, irish
Comment Written 04-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2022
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Thanks Irish. Just trying to figure things out on here.
Comment from robyn corum
Geoff,
I'm so sorry. When I read or see things like this it breaks my heart. This seems to be the sacrifice all soldiers make in ADDITION to the primary one they CHOOSE to make. This one seems to slip up behind when they don't expect it. Scary and horrible and something that is so far into the unfair category it doesn't even register on the scale.
Our fighting women and women earn my respect in the highest form. There is a post in my portfolio, if you're ever interested, called
Hi There, Hero' or something like that. *smile* You could find it in my portfolio under the 'search' option pretty easily.
The point is merely offering my respect and thanks to all who serve. It's a high form of love, in my opinion. Thanks a bunch to YOU! and Good luck!
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2022
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Geoff,
I'm so sorry. When I read or see things like this it breaks my heart. This seems to be the sacrifice all soldiers make in ADDITION to the primary one they CHOOSE to make. This one seems to slip up behind when they don't expect it. Scary and horrible and something that is so far into the unfair category it doesn't even register on the scale.
Our fighting women and women earn my respect in the highest form. There is a post in my portfolio, if you're ever interested, called
Hi There, Hero' or something like that. *smile* You could find it in my portfolio under the 'search' option pretty easily.
The point is merely offering my respect and thanks to all who serve. It's a high form of love, in my opinion. Thanks a bunch to YOU! and Good luck!
Comment Written 01-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2022
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Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts. This issue hits home for me and is near and dear to my heart. I will search up your piece.
Thank you for your kind words and for being such a kind and wonderful person!
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I didn?t have any luck finding your Hero write. I scolded to peg six but didn?t see it. Do you remember the Title? I?m new on here and don?t really have the site figured out yet. Was interested to see. Regardless, appreciate you!
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First of all, I apologize for spelling your name wrong!!!
Here's the cut and paste link:
https://www.fanstory.com/displaystory.jsp?hd=1&id=465479&userid=517067&tf=0
Comment from Barbara Peabody Pouliot
Beautifully captured the moment of a sad, broken time for many soldiers. Oh so true to stories I have heard.
Expressed beautifully, clear yet simple. I could really feel this. You completely was able to follow the contest rules. Outstanding! God Bless. Good Luck.
Thank you for writing and sharing this
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2022
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Beautifully captured the moment of a sad, broken time for many soldiers. Oh so true to stories I have heard.
Expressed beautifully, clear yet simple. I could really feel this. You completely was able to follow the contest rules. Outstanding! God Bless. Good Luck.
Thank you for writing and sharing this
Comment Written 01-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2022
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Thanks you so much for a six star Barbara. This issue is near and dear to me. You are appreciated!
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All The Best in your touching writings!
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Thank you! This issue is near and dear to me, Barbara.
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To me as well. God Bless
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Check out my newest entry, it may cheer you! Lol
Comment from karenina
PTSD is rampant. Far more are affected by it than are formally diagnosed, and many more are diagnosed but receive minimal support.
What a shame!
If you want to take measure of a country, it observe how they take care of their veterans.
Thank you for your service, and for this powerful acrostic.
Karenina
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2022
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PTSD is rampant. Far more are affected by it than are formally diagnosed, and many more are diagnosed but receive minimal support.
What a shame!
If you want to take measure of a country, it observe how they take care of their veterans.
Thank you for your service, and for this powerful acrostic.
Karenina
Comment Written 29-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2022
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Thank you! You nailed the problem on the head.
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It's a cause near and dear to me.
Comment from Joanne Gill-Maddick
This is a beautifully written acrostic poem. Great photo to compliment your words as well. Pulling at me, my anguish tears
Angry and alone, nobody cares
In my thoughts I am so lost
Nobody understands the dreadful cost. Moving poem. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2022
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This is a beautifully written acrostic poem. Great photo to compliment your words as well. Pulling at me, my anguish tears
Angry and alone, nobody cares
In my thoughts I am so lost
Nobody understands the dreadful cost. Moving poem. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 28-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2022
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Thank you so very much. You are such a kind soul!
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Your welcome
Comment from Frank Malley
"Broken" is an excellent acrostic poem. It could be exceptional if it stepped free of its metric enslavement to give meaningful pauses after certain words; however, that would probably mean abandoning the drum-beat tetrameter that this poet has chosen to represent a soldier's anguish.
Clearly, there is great poetry written within strict forms, but I think that one of the powerful justifications for the Twentieth Century's movement into free verse is the musical expansion of the poetic line.
What about:
'Strangling my mind, the constriction of anguish brings silence.
Those who have not entered battle cannot care, cannot share this threadbare package of unruled sorrow...etc. '
It may be a matter of personal taste.
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2022
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"Broken" is an excellent acrostic poem. It could be exceptional if it stepped free of its metric enslavement to give meaningful pauses after certain words; however, that would probably mean abandoning the drum-beat tetrameter that this poet has chosen to represent a soldier's anguish.
Clearly, there is great poetry written within strict forms, but I think that one of the powerful justifications for the Twentieth Century's movement into free verse is the musical expansion of the poetic line.
What about:
'Strangling my mind, the constriction of anguish brings silence.
Those who have not entered battle cannot care, cannot share this threadbare package of unruled sorrow...etc. '
It may be a matter of personal taste.
Comment Written 28-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2022
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Yes Restrictive poetry limits creativity. This is the first review that I have had to look up a word. I appreciate you!
Comment from Tom Horonzy
Copy that, boss. I understand. I too served ten years but never neared the catastrophic battlefields mentioned. I cannot imagine the horrors of such battles. Very well done.
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2022
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Copy that, boss. I understand. I too served ten years but never neared the catastrophic battlefields mentioned. I cannot imagine the horrors of such battles. Very well done.
Comment Written 28-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2022
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Thank you, Tom! We all have our challenges . . .
Comment from K.L. Rockquemore
This well written and presented, as it is a strong contest entry that I hope does well.
Honest writing is the best to read, I applaud you for that.
The rhymes are smooth and without force. They create a tempo that is just right.
I think compassion for others' suffering can be learned. Perhaps those that need it will absorb your message,
And for who have suffered, or are currently suffering, may they find comfort in your words.
Thank you for sharing this important verse.
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2022
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This well written and presented, as it is a strong contest entry that I hope does well.
Honest writing is the best to read, I applaud you for that.
The rhymes are smooth and without force. They create a tempo that is just right.
I think compassion for others' suffering can be learned. Perhaps those that need it will absorb your message,
And for who have suffered, or are currently suffering, may they find comfort in your words.
Thank you for sharing this important verse.
Comment Written 25-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2022
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Your review is very thoughtful and kind. I appreciate you!
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
A vivid acrostic about the horrors of war, the regret, anger and grief that can be suffered by those who are involved in war, an honest and poignant write, Love Dolly x
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2022
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A vivid acrostic about the horrors of war, the regret, anger and grief that can be suffered by those who are involved in war, an honest and poignant write, Love Dolly x
Comment Written 25-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2022
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Thank you for the review!
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is a sad poem about the pain warriors feel when they can't forget what has happened to them in war. Best wishes for good luck in the Acrostic Poetry Contest.
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2022
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This is a sad poem about the pain warriors feel when they can't forget what has happened to them in war. Best wishes for good luck in the Acrostic Poetry Contest.
Comment Written 24-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2022
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Thank you It is a tribute to my brother.
