Novella - Unwanted Dog
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Unwanted Dog-4"Adopted By Unknown Stranger In Wal-Mart Parking Lo
15 total reviews
Comment from irishauthorme
Just reviewed Chapter 19, and while surfing, ran across this chapter.
Like your detailed description of Superintendent Gail, also known in private as King Tubbo. Kind of got a picture of a 5' 8" 325-pound phony.
Will go back and read previous chapters to get an idea of how your hero got to Heritage Hall, and just what the place is.
Over the years, played and sang many John Anderson songs, one of my favorites was "Long Black Veil."
Good work,
irish
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2022
  |
Just reviewed Chapter 19, and while surfing, ran across this chapter.
Like your detailed description of Superintendent Gail, also known in private as King Tubbo. Kind of got a picture of a 5' 8" 325-pound phony.
Will go back and read previous chapters to get an idea of how your hero got to Heritage Hall, and just what the place is.
Over the years, played and sang many John Anderson songs, one of my favorites was "Long Black Veil."
Good work,
irish
Comment Written 21-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2022
-
Appreciate your comments and the review.
Comment from Dr. Von
Brett, I like your writing style. The sharp character descriptions capture the brave attempt to dispense with shadows of childhood events. I like your writing language that straightforwardly connects events. The story is compelling and positions the reader to wait expectantly. I have no suggestions.
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2022
|
Brett, I like your writing style. The sharp character descriptions capture the brave attempt to dispense with shadows of childhood events. I like your writing language that straightforwardly connects events. The story is compelling and positions the reader to wait expectantly. I have no suggestions.
Comment Written 17-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2022
-
Appreciate your comments and the review.
-
You are welcome.
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
Have you ever done a family tree or perhaps a DNA to find out if you have any living relatives around? Just a suggestion because it sounds like you had some roughies at the place where you lived.
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2022
|
Have you ever done a family tree or perhaps a DNA to find out if you have any living relatives around? Just a suggestion because it sounds like you had some roughies at the place where you lived.
Comment Written 25-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2022
-
Never had anyone come forth and claim blood relationship with me. Now that I am on the verge of extinction not interested in tracing a family tree. If they did not want a relationship for all these years I will not attempt to dredge them up now.
Comment from Ulla
Hi Brett, I like the way you're writing this. Yes, I can only agree, Hermitage Hall sounds like a prison from hell. What a difficult time all of you must have had there. You know how I feel about this having been in an orphanage myself. Very well written. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2022
|
Hi Brett, I like the way you're writing this. Yes, I can only agree, Hermitage Hall sounds like a prison from hell. What a difficult time all of you must have had there. You know how I feel about this having been in an orphanage myself. Very well written. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 05-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2022
-
Appreciate your comments and the review.
Comment from Judy Lawless
I don't remember how old you were at this time, Brett, but that is irrelevant. At any age this is pretty frightening stuff. To have young boys attend these 'parties' for the purpose of pleasing financial donors is nothing short of criminal. You've conveyed it all in a hard-core, shrug-of-the-shoulder manner, but it must have been very traumatic for you. Well written.
One suggestion: I found this sentence a little cumbersome. I think some more punctuation might fix it. "His(,) obviously not-the-best locomotion manifested..."
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2022
 |
I don't remember how old you were at this time, Brett, but that is irrelevant. At any age this is pretty frightening stuff. To have young boys attend these 'parties' for the purpose of pleasing financial donors is nothing short of criminal. You've conveyed it all in a hard-core, shrug-of-the-shoulder manner, but it must have been very traumatic for you. Well written.
One suggestion: I found this sentence a little cumbersome. I think some more punctuation might fix it. "His(,) obviously not-the-best locomotion manifested..."
Comment Written 04-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2022
-
Appreciate the suggestion and the review.
-
You are most welcome, Brett.
Comment from judiverse
This is very engrossing. What hardships for the boy to suffer through. He didn't have recourse, either, as the head honcho is the one responsible for his difficulty. He shows how people in power can exploit it, as he did by taking advantage of the boys. Beautifully told. I think readers could do without "Allow me to paint his portrait." It comes through without that. Also, I don't think you need that much detail about the cut-offs. Your story is one that will stick in the readers' minds. judi
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2022
|
This is very engrossing. What hardships for the boy to suffer through. He didn't have recourse, either, as the head honcho is the one responsible for his difficulty. He shows how people in power can exploit it, as he did by taking advantage of the boys. Beautifully told. I think readers could do without "Allow me to paint his portrait." It comes through without that. Also, I don't think you need that much detail about the cut-offs. Your story is one that will stick in the readers' minds. judi
Comment Written 03-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2022
-
Appreciate your review. Glad you enjoyed this chapter.
-
You're welcome. Very powerful writing. The reader really can feel what the boy is going through. judi
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this post with us. To be honest, I am struggling believe "My reputation of "hellcat wolverine" suited me." The person I know doesn't this description. LOL
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2022
|
Thank you for sharing this post with us. To be honest, I am struggling believe "My reputation of "hellcat wolverine" suited me." The person I know doesn't this description. LOL
Comment Written 03-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2022
-
Much appreciate the review. I have mellowed some since them days. But, can still get riled up when necessary.
Comment from Ric Myworld
So late in the week, I can't reward this fine piece like I wish I could, but it doesn't mean I think any less of the outstanding writing. Thanks for sharing another great chapter.
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2022
|
So late in the week, I can't reward this fine piece like I wish I could, but it doesn't mean I think any less of the outstanding writing. Thanks for sharing another great chapter.
Comment Written 03-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2022
-
Much appreciate your comments and the review.
Comment from nancy_e_davis
I does sound like you were only existing in that horrible institution. What is it, are the good people really blind to what goes one in those places, or is it they just don't care? I would run away too if I were subjected to such terrible living conditions and ridiculous rules. Well done Brett. Nancy:)
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2022
|
I does sound like you were only existing in that horrible institution. What is it, are the good people really blind to what goes one in those places, or is it they just don't care? I would run away too if I were subjected to such terrible living conditions and ridiculous rules. Well done Brett. Nancy:)
Comment Written 03-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2022
-
You nailed the Hermitage Hall environment spot on, only existed in that place. Appreciate your insights and the review.
Comment from Shirley McLain
I experienced trepidation when you mentioned "King Tubbo" coming to your room, especially after what I understood as his proclivity for young boys. It's terrible children are put under such people. You did a great job. Shirley
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2022
|
I experienced trepidation when you mentioned "King Tubbo" coming to your room, especially after what I understood as his proclivity for young boys. It's terrible children are put under such people. You did a great job. Shirley
Comment Written 03-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2022
-
Appreciate your insights and the review. King Tubbo one of the biggest reasons I ran away that day. To say the least, no one liked him.