Aiona's Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 137 "Dry"Because my portfolio is too messy and I have OCD.
3 total reviews
Comment from Halfree
It is very hard to look and read then comment on a posting like the one you posted. It is a good thought but left me a bit flat. I read the posting three times. It's OK, I have read you several times in the past ...think you are good writer .... this one OK...not your best.
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2022
   |
It is very hard to look and read then comment on a posting like the one you posted. It is a good thought but left me a bit flat. I read the posting three times. It's OK, I have read you several times in the past ...think you are good writer .... this one OK...not your best.
Comment Written 06-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2022
-
Thanks for the review, Halfree. I appreciate your honest opinion!
Comment from Thomas Blanks
"Dry" is an interesting unrhymed poem consisting of fifteen one-syllable words distributed as 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 in five lines. Since Grandma and Grandpa couldn't afford to make the pool safe for young children, they drained it. Anybody got a skateboard? Are we sure that pool is safe? LOL
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2022
|
"Dry" is an interesting unrhymed poem consisting of fifteen one-syllable words distributed as 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 in five lines. Since Grandma and Grandpa couldn't afford to make the pool safe for young children, they drained it. Anybody got a skateboard? Are we sure that pool is safe? LOL
Comment Written 01-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2022
-
Thanks for the review, Thomas Blanks. You pegged me on the structure. :) As for the pool, no, it's definitely not safe. Luckily no one has fallen into it so far, since it's been dry. Three beings have fallen into it when it was full of water.
Comment from Jay Squires
This is a layered poem. I took it first to focus on the life of the poet or her subject, and figured there might have been a decision to leave a marriage or relationship in the interest of the child born from it. That to me seemed reasonable.
Then I looked at the title. It was the parents' pool that was dry, empty, void of meaning. And then I started thinking of their child. If their child is struggling through something ... and they love her beyond themselves, the daughter's happiness/and lack becomes theirs.
In either event, Aiona, the poem seems written from a place of darkness. I sincerely hope it is the poet's creative imagination at work and she is not herself struggling through what seems like a bleak challenge. But if she is, writing, of course is a way of working through grief and trials. So is friendship. And the contact page.
JS
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2022
|
This is a layered poem. I took it first to focus on the life of the poet or her subject, and figured there might have been a decision to leave a marriage or relationship in the interest of the child born from it. That to me seemed reasonable.
Then I looked at the title. It was the parents' pool that was dry, empty, void of meaning. And then I started thinking of their child. If their child is struggling through something ... and they love her beyond themselves, the daughter's happiness/and lack becomes theirs.
In either event, Aiona, the poem seems written from a place of darkness. I sincerely hope it is the poet's creative imagination at work and she is not herself struggling through what seems like a bleak challenge. But if she is, writing, of course is a way of working through grief and trials. So is friendship. And the contact page.
JS
Comment Written 01-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2022
-
Hi, Jay, thanks for the review. And you pegged it also on the meaning. Writers gotta write. Right?
-
You take care of yourself. Reach out. My private message box is available here, and there's always email. We love you here.
Jay
