The Best Time of Ohmie's Life
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Best Time of Ohmie's Life pt 5"Dying of cancer, Ohmie learns his parents are spie
8 total reviews
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
Ohmie's life is suddenly complicated when he is with his father. You are creating pictures with your words that make it very clear what is happening around Ohmie. Ohmie doesn't even have enough time to do any of his creative things. He just has to hang in there and survive, and I am afraid he won't, not with stage 4 cancer. You have me worried.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2022
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Ohmie's life is suddenly complicated when he is with his father. You are creating pictures with your words that make it very clear what is happening around Ohmie. Ohmie doesn't even have enough time to do any of his creative things. He just has to hang in there and survive, and I am afraid he won't, not with stage 4 cancer. You have me worried.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2022
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Thank you for your review.
Life is not always peaches and cream.
Comment from Wendy G
Ohmie's dramatic life continues, despite his illness and chemo. His father seems to be very astute and insightful when it comes to danger. Another exciting chapter, and I'll look forward to the next to see the next developments of your story.
Wendy
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2022
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Ohmie's dramatic life continues, despite his illness and chemo. His father seems to be very astute and insightful when it comes to danger. Another exciting chapter, and I'll look forward to the next to see the next developments of your story.
Wendy
Comment Written 28-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2022
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Thank you.
Comment from Jay Squires
This is my favorite of the eon-jumping Ohmie's adventures. I have hard time getting into the cave-man series, but this makes up for it in spades.
I only ran into one problem:
Dad was on his left knee, his right leg wrapped around the dude's up on my cot. [The images leading up to this were great. This one left me wondering,"... the dude's what?" The image is lost.]
Everything else ran seamlessly. Great job, Wayne.
J.S.
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2022
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This is my favorite of the eon-jumping Ohmie's adventures. I have hard time getting into the cave-man series, but this makes up for it in spades.
I only ran into one problem:
Dad was on his left knee, his right leg wrapped around the dude's up on my cot. [The images leading up to this were great. This one left me wondering,"... the dude's what?" The image is lost.]
Everything else ran seamlessly. Great job, Wayne.
J.S.
Comment Written 27-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2022
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Thank you. I think that scene lost the battle with economy of words.
Thanks for the review.
Comment from Michaela Moore
Oh, Wayne, this one deserves 6-stars, but I am out of 6-stars. WHAAAAA! I hate that. Today's chapter has fully involved me emotionally with these two. You have captured the essense of these characters in a way that has grabbed me and will not let me go. I love the way you can be so humours about Ohmie's stage 4 cancer but at the same time the underbelly is quite sad. It hits be both ways at once and that is quite a feat of writing, my friend. Also, your unique ideas for the plot and the happenings in this novel are top notch. I get so excited when I see that another chapter has entered my messages. Thank you for sharing on this site. My life would not be as fulfilling if Ohmie had not entered it (and May, of course).
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2022
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Oh, Wayne, this one deserves 6-stars, but I am out of 6-stars. WHAAAAA! I hate that. Today's chapter has fully involved me emotionally with these two. You have captured the essense of these characters in a way that has grabbed me and will not let me go. I love the way you can be so humours about Ohmie's stage 4 cancer but at the same time the underbelly is quite sad. It hits be both ways at once and that is quite a feat of writing, my friend. Also, your unique ideas for the plot and the happenings in this novel are top notch. I get so excited when I see that another chapter has entered my messages. Thank you for sharing on this site. My life would not be as fulfilling if Ohmie had not entered it (and May, of course).
Comment Written 27-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2022
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You gave me "The Best Time of My Life!
Great review. Thank you.
Comment from Judy Lawless
And Ohmie becomes even more different than th Ohmie we've known before. This is an interesting mystery you've put them into, Wayne. It will be interesting to see what happens next. Well done.
Just a couple little things:
"In the last chapter Ohmie learns that he (is) a natural marksman."
"But the pressures, or whatever sensations I had(,) made me not want..."
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2022
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And Ohmie becomes even more different than th Ohmie we've known before. This is an interesting mystery you've put them into, Wayne. It will be interesting to see what happens next. Well done.
Just a couple little things:
"In the last chapter Ohmie learns that he (is) a natural marksman."
"But the pressures, or whatever sensations I had(,) made me not want..."
Comment Written 27-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2022
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Thank you for a great review and for the helps.
Comment from GARY MACLEAN
What have you gotten Ohmie into Wayne?
Para 2, 6th sentence: Add comma after (had)
Para 7, 3rd sentence: Remove comma after (hour)
Para 13, 2nd sentence: CONSIDER inserting (of) between (couple) and (hours)
AFTER +++
Para 1, 6th sentence: (was) should be (were)
Para 2, 4th sentence: Remove comma after (heard)
Para 2, 8th sentence: Remove comma after (forever)
Para 9, 1st sentence: (pillow case) should be (pillowcase)
This is interesting but I think I hunger for Ohmie the caveman and his inventions. I will just have to see where you take him on this adventure.
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2022
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What have you gotten Ohmie into Wayne?
Para 2, 6th sentence: Add comma after (had)
Para 7, 3rd sentence: Remove comma after (hour)
Para 13, 2nd sentence: CONSIDER inserting (of) between (couple) and (hours)
AFTER +++
Para 1, 6th sentence: (was) should be (were)
Para 2, 4th sentence: Remove comma after (heard)
Para 2, 8th sentence: Remove comma after (forever)
Para 9, 1st sentence: (pillow case) should be (pillowcase)
This is interesting but I think I hunger for Ohmie the caveman and his inventions. I will just have to see where you take him on this adventure.
Comment Written 27-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2022
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Thank you for the helps and the great review.
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
The story is still good, but the writing has become a little less incisive here. e.g.
resembled the other two inside the compartment > grammar
I think it would benefit from another little polish. Kate xx
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2022
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The story is still good, but the writing has become a little less incisive here. e.g.
resembled the other two inside the compartment > grammar
I think it would benefit from another little polish. Kate xx
Comment Written 27-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2022
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Thank you for the review.
I'm sure you're right.
I'm at 36K now and gettin' hasty.
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
Wonderful use of first person. I like how you show her sour mood despite the fact that you are limited to the first person viewpoint. You do a great job with that - and expertly tell a story with her thoughts and dialogue. Great job.
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2022
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Wonderful use of first person. I like how you show her sour mood despite the fact that you are limited to the first person viewpoint. You do a great job with that - and expertly tell a story with her thoughts and dialogue. Great job.
Comment Written 27-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2022
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Thank you immensely. Very kind words.
