Dog day of August
Boys bored with summer vacation24 total reviews
Comment from Thomas Blanks
The story reminded me of the movie Stand By Me, which is based on the Stephen King short story, The Body. I saw three typos... "Accross" should only have one "c." "Plum" should not be capitalized. And near the bottom of the part I pasted, "plumbs" has no "b." (I pasted the section with the three errors below)
"Hey." I jumped up and pointed accross the field to the next neighborhood. "Mr. Lewis has two big Plum trees in the back yard and I bet they need picking." I looked at Pete and Dan. Ed was still walking in circles. "We can raid one tree and have enough plums until school starts."
Pete, his eyes getting wide said, "That sounds good. He doesn't know who we are so he can't call our parents. I do like plumbs." He looked at Ed still walking around. "Will you stop that crap." He pushed him to stop.
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2022
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The story reminded me of the movie Stand By Me, which is based on the Stephen King short story, The Body. I saw three typos... "Accross" should only have one "c." "Plum" should not be capitalized. And near the bottom of the part I pasted, "plumbs" has no "b." (I pasted the section with the three errors below)
"Hey." I jumped up and pointed accross the field to the next neighborhood. "Mr. Lewis has two big Plum trees in the back yard and I bet they need picking." I looked at Pete and Dan. Ed was still walking in circles. "We can raid one tree and have enough plums until school starts."
Pete, his eyes getting wide said, "That sounds good. He doesn't know who we are so he can't call our parents. I do like plumbs." He looked at Ed still walking around. "Will you stop that crap." He pushed him to stop.
Comment Written 25-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2022
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Thank you!!
Comment from jessizero
I enjoyed reading this story about the boys at the end of summer. I used to have neighbors who raided my parents' plum trees. We never did mind, though.
I might have added a comma to "We got away, right?"
Thanks for sharing, and best wishes to you. :)
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2022
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I enjoyed reading this story about the boys at the end of summer. I used to have neighbors who raided my parents' plum trees. We never did mind, though.
I might have added a comma to "We got away, right?"
Thanks for sharing, and best wishes to you. :)
Comment Written 25-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2022
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Thank you! Didn't get caught this time!!
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Very nicely written.
"What 'd you want to do?" - What did (?) you want to do? ( and errant space)
Doesn't sound like enough plums to last more'n half an hour to me, let alone five days.
Best wishes.
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reply by the author on 25-Aug-2022
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Very nicely written.
"What 'd you want to do?" - What did (?) you want to do? ( and errant space)
Doesn't sound like enough plums to last more'n half an hour to me, let alone five days.
Best wishes.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 25-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2022
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Pete had the biggest shirt. Forty plums. (lol)
Thank you.
Comment from Olivanne Marsh
Good luck in the contest. You did a good job of writing about a summer adventure that boys of this age might be involved in, maybe not in the 21st century, but certainly in the 20th century in a rural community. I did find a few things I suggest you refine, they are listed below:
"Dan the skinny, blonde haired one said." You don't need to say "blonde haired," just blond will do. (It's typically blond for males and blonde for females) Or you could make it easy on yourself and describe what kind of blond...tow-headed, flaxen haired, or you decided.
"Ed said as he threw his jack knife into the grass and buried the blade into the dirt." You don't need the and. Ed said, chucking his jack knife into the grass hard enough to bury the blade in the dirt.
"Pete sitting Indian style and having a huge smile covering his tanned face said,..." Pete, sitting crossed-legged with a huge smile..." Indian-style might be offensive to some modern readers.
"...big Plum trees in the back yard..." Why did you capitalize plum?
"...he can't call our parents. I do like plumbs." Did you mean plums?
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2022
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Good luck in the contest. You did a good job of writing about a summer adventure that boys of this age might be involved in, maybe not in the 21st century, but certainly in the 20th century in a rural community. I did find a few things I suggest you refine, they are listed below:
"Dan the skinny, blonde haired one said." You don't need to say "blonde haired," just blond will do. (It's typically blond for males and blonde for females) Or you could make it easy on yourself and describe what kind of blond...tow-headed, flaxen haired, or you decided.
"Ed said as he threw his jack knife into the grass and buried the blade into the dirt." You don't need the and. Ed said, chucking his jack knife into the grass hard enough to bury the blade in the dirt.
"Pete sitting Indian style and having a huge smile covering his tanned face said,..." Pete, sitting crossed-legged with a huge smile..." Indian-style might be offensive to some modern readers.
"...big Plum trees in the back yard..." Why did you capitalize plum?
"...he can't call our parents. I do like plumbs." Did you mean plums?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 25-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2022
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Thanks for the critique. Didn't have time to revise.
