Open Invitation
Hell really doth have no fury...21 total reviews
Comment from Susan Newell
This is hilarious. What a creative mind you have! I could never have dreamed up such unique way to get payback. I can just imagine the con showing up at the door of the little witch. Thanks for the read and good luck in the contest.
Sue
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2022
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This is hilarious. What a creative mind you have! I could never have dreamed up such unique way to get payback. I can just imagine the con showing up at the door of the little witch. Thanks for the read and good luck in the contest.
Sue
Comment Written 27-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2022
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There is no end to my wicked creativity. NO. End!
Thanks for the encouraging review!
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You are welcome, o wicked one.
Comment from Sanku
A well written story .The letter to the prisoner is curious and the intention of the letter writer is not clear though she is uite or too frank in her assessment of herself.All the bst for the contest.
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2022
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A well written story .The letter to the prisoner is curious and the intention of the letter writer is not clear though she is uite or too frank in her assessment of herself.All the bst for the contest.
Comment Written 27-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2022
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The letter writer is the wronged wife/office mate of Janelle. So she's pretending to Janelle and writing to a convicted felon, trying to entice him to come visit her. Wicked, but you know what they say about a woman scorned!
Thanks for the review.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
I absolutely love this wife! She is getting her revenge in the best possible way, and making sure the released prisoner keeps after the 'other woman' in her husbands life. Next, I'd like to see some comeuppance brought to bear on the husband! Hmm, you could have some wonderful fun with that one, too! Loved this, my friend, well done and good luck!! :)) Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2022
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I absolutely love this wife! She is getting her revenge in the best possible way, and making sure the released prisoner keeps after the 'other woman' in her husbands life. Next, I'd like to see some comeuppance brought to bear on the husband! Hmm, you could have some wonderful fun with that one, too! Loved this, my friend, well done and good luck!! :)) Sandra xxx
Comment Written 27-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2022
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Yes, you're right; I let him off far too easily! Maybe he should be at Janelle's house when Prison #41682 comes by for an unscheduled visit!! lol
Thank you for the support and encouragement. xo
Comment from Write Right Writer
Rachelle...
You been on a roll lately; winning and placing in a number of contests--and "Open Invitation" will likely continue your winning streak. Congratulations!
Great writing. Creative plot line. A surprisingly twisted tale of back-handed, covert revenge in the spirit of "all is not as it appears" long cons. Well done.
Your lead character, Janelle was a hoot. I especially liked your "what doesn't belong in this picture" approach to her self-description, "But I consider myself to be a very natural, genuine person. Classic.
The phrase, "chase me and chase me until I catch you" was well-crafted as well and is another favorite for me. I have a friend who uses those very words to describe her and her significant other's meet cute.
Technically, your theme was strong and clear. Your content was laser-focused (a very good thing in flash fiction). It also supported your theme and propelled the storyline forward at brisk, yet comfortable, pace with steady flow toward a refreshingly surprising climactic destination (just show up at my house sometime). Your choice of a short, 5-word denouement was brilliant--and strategic for a flash fiction piece.
In terms of suggestions for future improvement, sentences 2-5 of the opening paragraph of Janelle's letter may benefit from some minor reworking for clarification. For me, it was a bit ambiguous and hard to follow the first time through. However, on my second read (with the benefit of additional context), it made perfect sense and moved your story forward nicely.
You may disagree with me on this and I do see how this minor ambiguity may have been intentional on you part as it does enhance and intensify the shock and awe of the dramatic and unexpected revelation that she is going to send a prisoner to her victim's house unannounced.
I may be wrong but I did want to share my experience and fresh perspective with you, just in case it is helpful. So take, tweak, or trash this suggestion as you see fit.
The unexpected twist in your story is exceptionally strong, your writing is excellent, and your mission as a storyteller is accomplished as is, with no additional reworking. In the same way that people tend to polish only their most valuable items, I trust my comments might lead to the tiniest improvement that will catapult your already fabulous work into the stratosphere.
I believe "Open Invitation" will do very well in the contest, Rachelle. Very impressive work. Thanks for sharing it with us.
One more thing... Since Janelle is a literary product spawned by your creative mind, Rachelle, I hope that she is not a Mr. Hyde to your Dr. Jeckyll. Either way, I swear I will never cross either of you.
Blessings...
Curt (WRW)
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2022
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Rachelle...
You been on a roll lately; winning and placing in a number of contests--and "Open Invitation" will likely continue your winning streak. Congratulations!
Great writing. Creative plot line. A surprisingly twisted tale of back-handed, covert revenge in the spirit of "all is not as it appears" long cons. Well done.
Your lead character, Janelle was a hoot. I especially liked your "what doesn't belong in this picture" approach to her self-description, "But I consider myself to be a very natural, genuine person. Classic.
The phrase, "chase me and chase me until I catch you" was well-crafted as well and is another favorite for me. I have a friend who uses those very words to describe her and her significant other's meet cute.
Technically, your theme was strong and clear. Your content was laser-focused (a very good thing in flash fiction). It also supported your theme and propelled the storyline forward at brisk, yet comfortable, pace with steady flow toward a refreshingly surprising climactic destination (just show up at my house sometime). Your choice of a short, 5-word denouement was brilliant--and strategic for a flash fiction piece.
In terms of suggestions for future improvement, sentences 2-5 of the opening paragraph of Janelle's letter may benefit from some minor reworking for clarification. For me, it was a bit ambiguous and hard to follow the first time through. However, on my second read (with the benefit of additional context), it made perfect sense and moved your story forward nicely.
You may disagree with me on this and I do see how this minor ambiguity may have been intentional on you part as it does enhance and intensify the shock and awe of the dramatic and unexpected revelation that she is going to send a prisoner to her victim's house unannounced.
I may be wrong but I did want to share my experience and fresh perspective with you, just in case it is helpful. So take, tweak, or trash this suggestion as you see fit.
The unexpected twist in your story is exceptionally strong, your writing is excellent, and your mission as a storyteller is accomplished as is, with no additional reworking. In the same way that people tend to polish only their most valuable items, I trust my comments might lead to the tiniest improvement that will catapult your already fabulous work into the stratosphere.
I believe "Open Invitation" will do very well in the contest, Rachelle. Very impressive work. Thanks for sharing it with us.
One more thing... Since Janelle is a literary product spawned by your creative mind, Rachelle, I hope that she is not a Mr. Hyde to your Dr. Jeckyll. Either way, I swear I will never cross either of you.
Blessings...
Curt (WRW)
Comment Written 27-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2022
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Well, Janelle isn't my alter ego, but that scorned wife?... To that one, I please the fifth....
I appreciate your suggested tweakings and will check that out later and work on it accordingly. Thank you. I always want you to feel comfortable saying things like that, writer to writer. I don't get my back up because you always present things in a thoughtful, considerate way, not as if you're trying to show a two-year-old how to eat properly at the table.
And you have a friend who's used that chased-me-until-I-caught-him phrase, eh? Hmm. She sounds fabulous and clever!!
At any rate, thank you for the helpful, encouraging and extensive review. Very much appreciated. xo
Comment from LJbutterfly
Actually, I like Janelle. She believes in doing everything she can to be attractive. She has, "waist-length hair, gel nails and eyelash extensions," and she is honest. The humorous part is where she is going to "pretend." What a way to clean up your act. Clever story. Best wishes in the contest.
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2022
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Actually, I like Janelle. She believes in doing everything she can to be attractive. She has, "waist-length hair, gel nails and eyelash extensions," and she is honest. The humorous part is where she is going to "pretend." What a way to clean up your act. Clever story. Best wishes in the contest.
Comment Written 26-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2022
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Thanks! Janelle is definitely one of a kind.
Comment from Terry Broxson
This is a good story. I like the thought process, and the revenge that is being plotted seems well thought out and pretty dang nasty. I must admit I am not certain whether the 'wronged wife' is plotting revenge or the 'mistress' is plotting revenge because the wife found out. I guess it could go either way and not really matter for the point of the contest. Good luck in the contest. Terry.
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2022
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This is a good story. I like the thought process, and the revenge that is being plotted seems well thought out and pretty dang nasty. I must admit I am not certain whether the 'wronged wife' is plotting revenge or the 'mistress' is plotting revenge because the wife found out. I guess it could go either way and not really matter for the point of the contest. Good luck in the contest. Terry.
Comment Written 26-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2022
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No, no; it's the wife plotting the revenge because SHE is the one sending the letter, using Janelle's name, to entice a convicted felon to just show up on her doorstep any old time he wants. And "she" tells him not to give up no matter how much she "pretends" not to want his attentions. As you said, "pretty dang nasty." But everyone knows what hath no fury like a woman scorned!!
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Thanks, I figured that was the way you meant it. But the story is good either way. nice work. Terry.
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Well, but telling people things they already know is my strong suit, Terry; I didn't want to miss that opportunity.
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LOL
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
I loved reading this what a hoot. I love the humour in this and it really is a great one for the competition. I really hope you do well with this fun and clever write it is brilliant well done kindest regards Meia xx
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2022
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I loved reading this what a hoot. I love the humour in this and it really is a great one for the competition. I really hope you do well with this fun and clever write it is brilliant well done kindest regards Meia xx
Comment Written 26-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2022
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Wow!! What a really nice review. Thank you for your very sweet words. I appreciate them immensely.
Comment from lyenochka
Um. So this "Janelle" is the one who slept with the real letter-writer's husband? And so she got revenge by writing this coy letter to a prisoner just about to be released? Scary and absolutely devious. But all letters to prisoners are read ahead of time, aren't they? Best wishes in the contest!
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2022
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Um. So this "Janelle" is the one who slept with the real letter-writer's husband? And so she got revenge by writing this coy letter to a prisoner just about to be released? Scary and absolutely devious. But all letters to prisoners are read ahead of time, aren't they? Best wishes in the contest!
Comment Written 26-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2022
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I've heard that. But we're going to suspend that notion just a bit in order to comply with the guidelines of this wicked little contest. (The sponsoring FanStorian made me do it...)
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Lol! Disbelief is suspending ...
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HAHHAHAHAHA! You seriously slay me.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
This made me laugh. I like the ingenuity of the piece and someone is in for quite a shock... and he'll be back behind bars very soon indeed. lol
Good stuff
have waist-lenth hair,- length.
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2022
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Hi there,
This made me laugh. I like the ingenuity of the piece and someone is in for quite a shock... and he'll be back behind bars very soon indeed. lol
Good stuff
have waist-lenth hair,- length.
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 26-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2022
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Good catch, thanks, Eagle-eye!! Appreciate it.
Comment from RPSaxena
Hello Friend,
Nice piece of General Fiction 'As Flash Fiction' meeting the desired norms, having impressive phraseology, CAPTIVATING flow throughout from the very beginning up to the end, and depicting its theme in a very interesting way.
"My address...surprises!" These lines enhance depth and beauty of the story.
BEST OF LUCK in the contest.
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2022
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Hello Friend,
Nice piece of General Fiction 'As Flash Fiction' meeting the desired norms, having impressive phraseology, CAPTIVATING flow throughout from the very beginning up to the end, and depicting its theme in a very interesting way.
"My address...surprises!" These lines enhance depth and beauty of the story.
BEST OF LUCK in the contest.
Comment Written 26-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2022
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Thanks for this very fine review. I couldn't appreciate it more!
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Hello, Most Welcome!
With best wishes,
~ RP
