Cleona, Final Chapter
A Flight, A Fancy, A Fiction18 total reviews
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Sure that wealthy attorney, with the STD, was fodder for gossip, particularly in a small town where everyone tends to know everyone else's business.
Modern times abound - a Zoom court hearing.
Wendy is going to pout because she did not get her way with the judgie poo.
The fine, and how it was paid, indicative of current court operations.
"I was surprised the hear" should be I was surprised to hear.
Interesting accounting that leaves a wide open ending and plenty of possibilities to meander.
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Sure that wealthy attorney, with the STD, was fodder for gossip, particularly in a small town where everyone tends to know everyone else's business.
Modern times abound - a Zoom court hearing.
Wendy is going to pout because she did not get her way with the judgie poo.
The fine, and how it was paid, indicative of current court operations.
"I was surprised the hear" should be I was surprised to hear.
Interesting accounting that leaves a wide open ending and plenty of possibilities to meander.
Comment Written 23-Nov-2022
Comment from nomi338
What a wonderful story. I absolutely love it when a story ges the way I would have hoped that it would. The outcome of this one took place just the way I hoped it would and that makes me extremely happy. If such a thing should happen to me I would want the same outcome.
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2022
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What a wonderful story. I absolutely love it when a story ges the way I would have hoped that it would. The outcome of this one took place just the way I hoped it would and that makes me extremely happy. If such a thing should happen to me I would want the same outcome.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2022
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Thank you for reading, your encouraging, in-depth comments, and all the stars! I debated on several endings, this one seemed the most satisfying. Thank you for your encouragement!
irish
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Aww! She became human for him! What a lovely ending to a lovely story. I even enjoyed the court case, it was very real. This was so enjoyable, Irish, and would really love to see it in a book. The descriptions were beautiful, and you've put me off dragonflies for life! How cruel that they would eat the fairies! Very well done! :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2022
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Aww! She became human for him! What a lovely ending to a lovely story. I even enjoyed the court case, it was very real. This was so enjoyable, Irish, and would really love to see it in a book. The descriptions were beautiful, and you've put me off dragonflies for life! How cruel that they would eat the fairies! Very well done! :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 02-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2022
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Hi Again, Sandra! So glad you read the ending, I debated for a while about what and how, and finally decided to make Cleona a mortal. Have to confess, I fell in love with my characters while writing this, maybe I'm getting soft?
Thanks again,
irish
Comment from dellsworthpoet
A wonderful ending to an alluring story. The images are clear. The pace is good. The depression of late fall is hollow feeling. The end is a fairy tale resolution.
Thanks for a good read.
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2022
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A wonderful ending to an alluring story. The images are clear. The pace is good. The depression of late fall is hollow feeling. The end is a fairy tale resolution.
Thanks for a good read.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2022
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Wow, didn't see that you had already read the final Chapter! Thank you again, for reading, and the stars! Odd, how spring is always cheerful, full of promise, and fall is, as you said, hollow, with everything dying.
Cheers,
irish
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You are welcome.
Comment from Badger_29
I found your storytelling to be captivating, the characters jumped to life.
Especially like the part about the power play with the attorney and the prosecuting attorney, something I've had first-hand experience at, heh heh. The only suggestion I might have is a translation of the Latin which was utilized.
Otherwise I feel like the storyline is a good one for your portfolio.
Blessings,
Brother Badger
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2022
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I found your storytelling to be captivating, the characters jumped to life.
Especially like the part about the power play with the attorney and the prosecuting attorney, something I've had first-hand experience at, heh heh. The only suggestion I might have is a translation of the Latin which was utilized.
Otherwise I feel like the storyline is a good one for your portfolio.
Blessings,
Brother Badger
Comment Written 30-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2022
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Thank you for reading, your in -depth comments, and the galaxy of stars! I had originally left out the translation, but just checked again, and the translation from the Latin to English is there, in the last part of the story, made for easier reading, and added impact to the final message from his wife.
Thanks again,
irish
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You did a great job with the conclusion of your interesting
story, Irish. I enjoyed reading it. I like how you wove in the
trial. That in itself could've been a separate post. However,
the two parts meshed well. The courtroom scenes were
believable as to a real proceeding. You gave your hero some
faults which made him real and drew readers to his side. The
fairies were an integral part of the story, of course. I felt like
one would change into a human and be there for Michael, though
I thought she would be his wife.
Thanks for sharing, Jan
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2022
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You did a great job with the conclusion of your interesting
story, Irish. I enjoyed reading it. I like how you wove in the
trial. That in itself could've been a separate post. However,
the two parts meshed well. The courtroom scenes were
believable as to a real proceeding. You gave your hero some
faults which made him real and drew readers to his side. The
fairies were an integral part of the story, of course. I felt like
one would change into a human and be there for Michael, though
I thought she would be his wife.
Thanks for sharing, Jan
Comment Written 25-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2022
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Hi, Jan, thank you for reading, and all the stars! I really appreciate your in-depth look at my effort, and your interpretation of the plot.
Some thought I should have fleshed out my hero more, but facing 5,000= words kind of slowed me down.
You are a great help. You have a tremendous talent and an instinct for who, what, and how.
Thanks again!
irish
Comment from Alaskastory
"Cleona, Final Chapter" begins in the world of common court scene that releases Mike to quite another world. His mystic efforts spin around in Cleona's life to return her to health, but left Mike to swell in sadness then lean to a merry Christmas. That is a super story!
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2022
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"Cleona, Final Chapter" begins in the world of common court scene that releases Mike to quite another world. His mystic efforts spin around in Cleona's life to return her to health, but left Mike to swell in sadness then lean to a merry Christmas. That is a super story!
Comment Written 24-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2022
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Hi, Marie, thank you for reading, your kind comments, and the galaxy of stars! I felt after all his effort, that Mike deserved a great Christmas present!
Thanks again, irish
Comment from Ric Myworld
Outstanding writing, my new friend, and I enjoyed this chapter even more than the last. I had added your name to my fan list, but for some reason I still wasn't notified of this post, the reason it's taken me so long to read it. And now, I've used up all of my sixes, which disappoints me. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2022
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Outstanding writing, my new friend, and I enjoyed this chapter even more than the last. I had added your name to my fan list, but for some reason I still wasn't notified of this post, the reason it's taken me so long to read it. And now, I've used up all of my sixes, which disappoints me. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 24-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2022
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Hi, Ric, thank you for reading, your encouraging comments, and the stars! And, hey, it's the thought that counts!
It was hard to break the story in half, but 5,000 words, well, yeah. Just pick a cliffhanger spot and ...
Glad to have you aboard, hope you get my next post, working on it now.
Cheers, irish
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I'm looking forward to reading it. I learned that the best way to get the most readers on Fanstory is to post 1,200 to 1,500 word chapters, give or take a couple hundred at most. Most the time It just mean writing three parts rather than two. But the reviews will almost double, usually.
Comment from evilynne
That was a wonderful conclusion of a well told fantasy. It was touching, sometimes humorous, and had a great ending. I read the other reviews because I basically suck at reviews. I do feel that the others adequately pointed out any fixing that needed to be done. Evi
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2022
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That was a wonderful conclusion of a well told fantasy. It was touching, sometimes humorous, and had a great ending. I read the other reviews because I basically suck at reviews. I do feel that the others adequately pointed out any fixing that needed to be done. Evi
Comment Written 23-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2022
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Hi, Evi, thank you for reading, your kind comments, and for that galaxy of stars! And hey, all you have to do reviewing is just put down your impressions, just like you did here!
Thanks again, irish
Comment from Jay Squires
A fascinating chapter. I feel I've been on a long, but pleasant voyage and was even getting comfortable with the fae. Are you planning to seek publicaton for this novel? Below are a few notes I made as I read:
and Wendy Morse, the prosecuting attorney, sat down the table from me. [did you leave a word out of this sentence?]
I surprised the hear her voice in my ears instead of in my mind. [I think I know what you meant here, but clearly it isn't written the way you want it. Did you mean: "I WAS surprised TO hear her voice in my ears instead of in my mind"]
with a piece of another fairies wing." [... another fairy's wing.]
I just listened, I didn't know what to say. [You shouldn't combine two complete sentences with a comma. It becomes a "run-on" sentence. Instead, either replace the comma with a period or a semicolon.]
I got up, walked a few steps, and fell down the lawn. [... fell down ON the lawn]
Fascinating.
Jay
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2022
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A fascinating chapter. I feel I've been on a long, but pleasant voyage and was even getting comfortable with the fae. Are you planning to seek publicaton for this novel? Below are a few notes I made as I read:
and Wendy Morse, the prosecuting attorney, sat down the table from me. [did you leave a word out of this sentence?]
I surprised the hear her voice in my ears instead of in my mind. [I think I know what you meant here, but clearly it isn't written the way you want it. Did you mean: "I WAS surprised TO hear her voice in my ears instead of in my mind"]
with a piece of another fairies wing." [... another fairy's wing.]
I just listened, I didn't know what to say. [You shouldn't combine two complete sentences with a comma. It becomes a "run-on" sentence. Instead, either replace the comma with a period or a semicolon.]
I got up, walked a few steps, and fell down the lawn. [... fell down ON the lawn]
Fascinating.
Jay
Comment Written 23-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2022
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Hi, Jay,
Thanks for reading, the stars, and your help! I went back and made those corrections, and my story is easier to read and comprehend.
Thanks again, irish
