The Best Time of Ohmie's Life
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Best Time of Ohmie's Life pt 3"Dying of cancer, Ohmie learns his parents are spie
8 total reviews
Comment from Judy Lawless
Despite being so late getting to this, Wayne, and missing all promotions, I had to read it in order to keep up with the story, right? It's a great story. What a shock for Ohmie to learn he doesn't know his dad at all! Well written. Only one little thing: "I just sat the(there) looking at page eleven."
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2022
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Despite being so late getting to this, Wayne, and missing all promotions, I had to read it in order to keep up with the story, right? It's a great story. What a shock for Ohmie to learn he doesn't know his dad at all! Well written. Only one little thing: "I just sat the(there) looking at page eleven."
Comment Written 25-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2022
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Thank you.
I think I've already fixed that, but I'll look.
Wish I could send you some 'bumps', or something.
smiley face here
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You're most welcome, Wayne. Don't worry about rewards. I enjoy reading this story, promotions or not.
Comment from Michaela Moore
Wow, Wayne. This one brought tears to my eyes. Ohmie brought tears to my eyes. I love it. So unexpected and wonderful. I love that this chapter is enduring and serious and sad. Incredibly, thoughtfully sad. You own this character and this book and I love every morsel. Your writing is a feast!
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2022
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Wow, Wayne. This one brought tears to my eyes. Ohmie brought tears to my eyes. I love it. So unexpected and wonderful. I love that this chapter is enduring and serious and sad. Incredibly, thoughtfully sad. You own this character and this book and I love every morsel. Your writing is a feast!
Comment Written 24-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2022
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You made me smile. Thank you for a great review.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
Thought I must have missed one and I did. This certainly has to be confusing for Ohmie. Learning your father can put a gun together without looking and is into disguise has to be shocking, but maybe more shocking is that the man seems to really care for him. Very well done on showing the emotion.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2022
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Thought I must have missed one and I did. This certainly has to be confusing for Ohmie. Learning your father can put a gun together without looking and is into disguise has to be shocking, but maybe more shocking is that the man seems to really care for him. Very well done on showing the emotion.
Comment Written 24-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2022
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Thank you.
That is a problem with serials and they're only up there for four days.
Comment from Wendy G
Enjoying these stories about Ohmie - vividly and imaginatively told. His father is extremely clever, as is Ohmie. Looking forward to seeing what happens next. Thanks Wayne.
Wendy
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2022
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Enjoying these stories about Ohmie - vividly and imaginatively told. His father is extremely clever, as is Ohmie. Looking forward to seeing what happens next. Thanks Wayne.
Wendy
Comment Written 21-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2022
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Thank you. My fear is that the direction I want to take it will be on the wrong side of politics for FanStory members.
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Wayne, it's your story. Do your own thing. I think I am on the wrong side of politics for many of the US reviewers, but here we are much more tolerant of a variety of opinions.
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We used to be more tolerant. Before you-know-who.
Comment from Jay Squires
This has all the makings of a blockbuster book or movie. The boy is innocent, his father tough as nails, but only on the outside. What a dynamic. If I were hard pressed to make a comment on how it can be improved, it would be cosmetic ... but that can be important. Why do you have so many spaces between paragraphs. It draws attention to itself, and that becomes problematic because the reader wants to know if you are trying to pad your material (like a high school kid when the teacher gives him a 20 page, minimum, assignment. You don't need to do that. What you CAN do cosmetically to improve it is to increase the font size from 14 to about 18. Then with the reduced white space, it will have the professional look that your content expresses.
At least that's my take. Wow, I want to stay tuned for the rest of the book.
Jay
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2022
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This has all the makings of a blockbuster book or movie. The boy is innocent, his father tough as nails, but only on the outside. What a dynamic. If I were hard pressed to make a comment on how it can be improved, it would be cosmetic ... but that can be important. Why do you have so many spaces between paragraphs. It draws attention to itself, and that becomes problematic because the reader wants to know if you are trying to pad your material (like a high school kid when the teacher gives him a 20 page, minimum, assignment. You don't need to do that. What you CAN do cosmetically to improve it is to increase the font size from 14 to about 18. Then with the reduced white space, it will have the professional look that your content expresses.
At least that's my take. Wow, I want to stay tuned for the rest of the book.
Jay
Comment Written 20-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2022
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I don't know how the spacing issue happened. I went back to my Word doc and it was fine, same as all the others. I have fixed it here, though. Thank you.
And thank you for the terrific review.
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
This is really good Wayne. I repeat what I already said, you should think of it as something different in its own right. This would allow Ohmie's character to grow:
He was like a stranger. A complete stranger. I didn't even know him. What do you say to a man you thought was just your dad?
Wonderful. Your new boy might have a lot more to say to expound on that, and also about there not being a difference between 3 and 6 months. (Just a thought) Kate xx
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2022
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This is really good Wayne. I repeat what I already said, you should think of it as something different in its own right. This would allow Ohmie's character to grow:
He was like a stranger. A complete stranger. I didn't even know him. What do you say to a man you thought was just your dad?
Wonderful. Your new boy might have a lot more to say to expound on that, and also about there not being a difference between 3 and 6 months. (Just a thought) Kate xx
Comment Written 20-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2022
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Great review. Thank you.
Comment from Susan Newell
Wayne,
I am still absolutely intrigued by the dance in and out of reality, not knowing myself how much is happening within Ohmie's mind and in literary reality. You could use a little editing for type size and line spacing. But don't let it interrupt your continued writing.
Sue
They managed to get to Warsaw without detection by the police, or whatever bad guys are after Ohmie's father, the spy. -- I thought they were still at Heathrow.
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2022
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Wayne,
I am still absolutely intrigued by the dance in and out of reality, not knowing myself how much is happening within Ohmie's mind and in literary reality. You could use a little editing for type size and line spacing. But don't let it interrupt your continued writing.
Sue
They managed to get to Warsaw without detection by the police, or whatever bad guys are after Ohmie's father, the spy. -- I thought they were still at Heathrow.
Comment Written 20-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2022
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Dad bought himself a Warsaw ticket, and at the very last minute, got one for Ohmie.
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Oh, and thank you for the review.
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:-)
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Thank you for the review.
Comment from royowen
What does one do when you find out your dad is a spy? Do you get all het up and run, or do you just go along with the "game"? When you have stage four lymphoma, too. Just love the difference of this tale, a multi talented boy and his spy dad, excellent story Wayne, well done, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2022
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What does one do when you find out your dad is a spy? Do you get all het up and run, or do you just go along with the "game"? When you have stage four lymphoma, too. Just love the difference of this tale, a multi talented boy and his spy dad, excellent story Wayne, well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 20-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2022
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Thank you.
I'm toying with the idea of a boy/spy who has nothing to lose.
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Sounds good, with a miracle survival I hope, well done Wayne
