Cleona
A Flight, A Fancy, A Fiction27 total reviews
Comment from Alaskastory
"Cleona" is a story that begins in a poetic way or maybe dreamlike and developed into surprising clues until Scott is arrested. So sad the mystery does not end soon. It is a fun read!
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2022
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"Cleona" is a story that begins in a poetic way or maybe dreamlike and developed into surprising clues until Scott is arrested. So sad the mystery does not end soon. It is a fun read!
Comment Written 23-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2022
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Hi There!
Thank you for reading, your kind comments, and all the stars!
I posted Cleona, Final Chapter, if you have time to read, hope you like the chapter, and the ending!
irish
Comment from GARY MACLEAN
What a fantasy world you paint. My guess is you would have loved for this to have really been a true story.
A few observations:
Para 3, 7th sentence: You spell (Elowyn) here and again in Para 27. But the next paragraph (4) you spell it (Elowen's) Should standardize spellings.
Para 11, 4th sentence: Need paragraph space after (Mexico.)
Para 11, 5th sentence: You spell (Alanna) here and in paragraph 34, but in Para 13, 2nd sentence you spell it (Allana) Should standardize spellings.
Para 12, 3rd sentence: Need paragraph space after (down.)
Para 12, 6th sentence: Add comma after (flashes)
Para 16, 2nd & 3rd sentence: SUGGEST (da! da!) instead of (da!da!)
Para 30, 2nd sentence: Change (close) to (closely)
Para 30, 3rd sentence: Need paragraph space after (green.")
Para 33, 4th sentence: You spell (Zheng) here but in Para 36, 1st sentence and Para 37, 2nd sentence, you spell it (Zhang) Should standardize spellings.
Para 36, 4th sentence: Remove comma after (dying)
Para 37, 4th sentence: (BigHorn) should be (Big Horn) as spelled in Para 1, 2nd sentence.
Para 44, 4th sentence: Who is (Wes)? Has he been introduced?
Para 47, 4th sentence: Need paragraph space after (life.)
Para 47, 5th sentence: (Aswagandha) should be (Ashwagandha)
Para 51, 2nd sentence: PERHAPS (paused) instead of (waited)
Great story, fantastic imagination, very creative scenarios. A really fun read. I just hope time does not run out.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
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What a fantasy world you paint. My guess is you would have loved for this to have really been a true story.
A few observations:
Para 3, 7th sentence: You spell (Elowyn) here and again in Para 27. But the next paragraph (4) you spell it (Elowen's) Should standardize spellings.
Para 11, 4th sentence: Need paragraph space after (Mexico.)
Para 11, 5th sentence: You spell (Alanna) here and in paragraph 34, but in Para 13, 2nd sentence you spell it (Allana) Should standardize spellings.
Para 12, 3rd sentence: Need paragraph space after (down.)
Para 12, 6th sentence: Add comma after (flashes)
Para 16, 2nd & 3rd sentence: SUGGEST (da! da!) instead of (da!da!)
Para 30, 2nd sentence: Change (close) to (closely)
Para 30, 3rd sentence: Need paragraph space after (green.")
Para 33, 4th sentence: You spell (Zheng) here but in Para 36, 1st sentence and Para 37, 2nd sentence, you spell it (Zhang) Should standardize spellings.
Para 36, 4th sentence: Remove comma after (dying)
Para 37, 4th sentence: (BigHorn) should be (Big Horn) as spelled in Para 1, 2nd sentence.
Para 44, 4th sentence: Who is (Wes)? Has he been introduced?
Para 47, 4th sentence: Need paragraph space after (life.)
Para 47, 5th sentence: (Aswagandha) should be (Ashwagandha)
Para 51, 2nd sentence: PERHAPS (paused) instead of (waited)
Great story, fantastic imagination, very creative scenarios. A really fun read. I just hope time does not run out.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 23-Aug-2022
Comment from LovnPeace
Whoever you are, you stop! One command, my dog( )tear you to pieces!" The dog barked--- do you need a connecting word there?
An Irish yarn for sure and of course 1000 words, for the blarney. Oh, if it were only true. What a warm, charming world it would be. Blessings, Barbara. xo
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Whoever you are, you stop! One command, my dog( )tear you to pieces!" The dog barked--- do you need a connecting word there?
An Irish yarn for sure and of course 1000 words, for the blarney. Oh, if it were only true. What a warm, charming world it would be. Blessings, Barbara. xo
Comment Written 21-Aug-2022
Comment from MissMerri
I love that quote you have at the beginning. Perfect! I honestly think this is one of the most creative and original stories I have read on this site all year. It is so well written, with abundant detail and clear word pictures, no matter how fantastic the story, it is still somehow quite believable. You always handle dialogue very well and your editing, especially for such a long piece, is astonishingly good too.
I'm not sure, but I think the willow tree is capitalized sometimes and not other times. I'd go with no caps. The only things I saw other than that are three small suggestions listed below:
***I rose and took my patient inside and lay (laid) her on...
***I put my hand under the cap and held (lowered) the small form (to his level.) NO 'down' needed. (So it doesn't sound like he is holding someone down against her will. ;p)
***The cops got a statement from Wes, (change WES to Zhang) then we were on our way.
This is extremely well-done, Irish, and I gladly give it my first six stars of the week. Can't wait to see the conclusion! ~ MM
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2022
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I love that quote you have at the beginning. Perfect! I honestly think this is one of the most creative and original stories I have read on this site all year. It is so well written, with abundant detail and clear word pictures, no matter how fantastic the story, it is still somehow quite believable. You always handle dialogue very well and your editing, especially for such a long piece, is astonishingly good too.
I'm not sure, but I think the willow tree is capitalized sometimes and not other times. I'd go with no caps. The only things I saw other than that are three small suggestions listed below:
***I rose and took my patient inside and lay (laid) her on...
***I put my hand under the cap and held (lowered) the small form (to his level.) NO 'down' needed. (So it doesn't sound like he is holding someone down against her will. ;p)
***The cops got a statement from Wes, (change WES to Zhang) then we were on our way.
This is extremely well-done, Irish, and I gladly give it my first six stars of the week. Can't wait to see the conclusion! ~ MM
Comment Written 21-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2022
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Thank you for reading, your kind, encouraging comments, and the galaxy of stars! I worked on this story for over two months, adding, subtracting, revising, and correcting. I appreciate all the help I had with the editing! My helper turned a dandelion into a rose.
irish
Comment from Ric Myworld
Wow, what a vivid imagination and you drew me right into all the action. This is your first post that I've read, but I can assure you that it won't be the last, I hope. Thanks for sharing. Wish I had a six.
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2022
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Wow, what a vivid imagination and you drew me right into all the action. This is your first post that I've read, but I can assure you that it won't be the last, I hope. Thanks for sharing. Wish I had a six.
Comment Written 20-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2022
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Hi Ric, thank you for reading, all the stars, and your encouraging comments! I have read some of your work, and you are a great writer.
Got the final chapter coming up next week.
Cheers,
irish
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Thank you for your kind words. I'll be looking to read your final chapter. I'm about to post the Final Tucker chapter in a few minutes. LOL. Cheers to you, Irish.
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
What a fantasy story. And the herbs might be the secret in saving a life. In real life, herbs do a lot for some cases of joint pain and healing. This story brought a reminder of the athlete who was put in prison for carrying cannabis.
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2022
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What a fantasy story. And the herbs might be the secret in saving a life. In real life, herbs do a lot for some cases of joint pain and healing. This story brought a reminder of the athlete who was put in prison for carrying cannabis.
Comment Written 20-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2022
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Thank you for reading, all the stars, and your kind comments!
You are right about the herbs and their healing power. More people should use natural remedies instead of prescription drugs. Some take longer to heal but they are much easier on our bodies. I grow most of mine.
Cheers,
irish
Comment from humpwhistle
A unique and perfectly interesting story, irish. I believe it is incredibly difficult to write convincingly about subjects and topics that few people have ever encountered. To me, that's the deepest dive of all.
I was drawn by the Keats quote. I know it from a Waterboy's CD called Fisherman's Blues. The last song is a rendition of The Stolen Child complete with a reading of this poem by Tomas McKeown--'and the faeries go hand in hand.'
Excellent, irish. Looking forward to reading more.
I hope my advice about type size works, though I had no problem reading it as it stands.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2022
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A unique and perfectly interesting story, irish. I believe it is incredibly difficult to write convincingly about subjects and topics that few people have ever encountered. To me, that's the deepest dive of all.
I was drawn by the Keats quote. I know it from a Waterboy's CD called Fisherman's Blues. The last song is a rendition of The Stolen Child complete with a reading of this poem by Tomas McKeown--'and the faeries go hand in hand.'
Excellent, irish. Looking forward to reading more.
I hope my advice about type size works, though I had no problem reading it as it stands.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 20-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2022
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Hi, Lee, thank you for reading, your great comments, and the galaxy of stars! Thank you for the font size info, I was able to change the font to 16 for easier reading for some. I will look up that CD, and listen to The Stolen Child. Keats is one of my all-time favorites, genius stuff.
irish
Comment from evilynne
What a wonderful imaginative story, well written and enjoyable. It is easy to follow for the reader and takes us in unexpected directions. Is a continuation coming? Evi
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2022
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What a wonderful imaginative story, well written and enjoyable. It is easy to follow for the reader and takes us in unexpected directions. Is a continuation coming? Evi
Comment Written 20-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2022
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Hi, Evi, thank you for reading, all those stars, and your kind comments! I struggled with this story for months, and it was finally so long (Over 5,000 words!) I broke it into two parts. Final chapter coming next week!
irish
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Looking forward to part2. Evi
Comment from Wendy G
A fascinating and imaginative story. Very creative, and well-written. I'll be looking forward to the next part.
Wendy
Typo: Twice you need "its" (possessive) not "it's" (abbreviation of "it is").
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2022
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A fascinating and imaginative story. Very creative, and well-written. I'll be looking forward to the next part.
Wendy
Typo: Twice you need "its" (possessive) not "it's" (abbreviation of "it is").
Comment Written 20-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2022
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Hi, Wendy, thank you for the stars, and your kind comments. I appreciate your suggestions, and I went back and corrected them.
Final chapter coming soon!
irish
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
I really enjoyed this. It is well-written and proofread. It's a lovely idea that he can save a fairy and that turtles can give medical advice. I look forward to reading the rest of this. I so enjoyed it that I didn't notice that it was long.
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2022
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I really enjoyed this. It is well-written and proofread. It's a lovely idea that he can save a fairy and that turtles can give medical advice. I look forward to reading the rest of this. I so enjoyed it that I didn't notice that it was long.
Comment Written 19-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2022
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Thank you, Carol, for easing my concern about the length of my story. I fell in love with the characters, and then, of course, they just took over.
irish
