Tanka Collection
Viewing comments for Chapter 30 "Dreary Messenger"Romantic Tanka Poems
11 total reviews
Comment from kahpot
Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted and or undeserving is a very dark place to be, your beautifully presented work has dragged all these emotions out, very well written****kahpot
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2022
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Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted and or undeserving is a very dark place to be, your beautifully presented work has dragged all these emotions out, very well written****kahpot
Comment Written 23-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2022
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Thank you very much for your time and kind review and helpfull feedback.
Gypsy
Comment from C. Gale Burnett
I am deeply touched by this poem, having lived, failed, learned, regretted and all that other stuff that haunts us as we age. I easily forgive others, but it is so difficult for me to forgive that inner child within me, and she weeps.
I read somewhere that you had changed line 7's 'his sins' to 'her sins' but I don't see it yet.
Bless you for this creation. I like this form.
Gale
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2022
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I am deeply touched by this poem, having lived, failed, learned, regretted and all that other stuff that haunts us as we age. I easily forgive others, but it is so difficult for me to forgive that inner child within me, and she weeps.
I read somewhere that you had changed line 7's 'his sins' to 'her sins' but I don't see it yet.
Bless you for this creation. I like this form.
Gale
Comment Written 21-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2022
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I think there was some confusion. It's supposed to be 'his' the child's abuser. Somebody said I should change it to 'her' sins but a child is not responsible for the abusers sins. I think that was it.
Gale,
Thank you very much for your time, exceptional
six stars review, and helpfull feedback.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from Jumbo J
Hi Gypsy Queen,
when something is written in such a way that only an emotional response is required, or possible... then I'd say the author of said write, has done their job with a deft touch.
What a truly stunning presentation. From the image setting up the platform to the metaphorical magic in the first tanka and on to the second, where the story plays out the game of shame and guilt allowing the confusion of going outside oneself to gain love and acceptance in hope of regaining the nurturing, the protection and love that slipped away with time.
And the third tanka, and conclusion to this sad, yet so often, too familiar tale of coming to an age where the adult logical mind finally sees a lonely, scarred and damaged little soul inside, craving for someone to come a save her, hold her, comfort her... to tell it's not her fault, that the adult 'you' acknowledges the pain, the terror, the loneliness, the guilt and shame. How could a young mind ever process the trauma to one's psyche within so much damaging consequence? They can't... but eventually with help, they can... eventually... hopefully!
A connection to our higher selves, a higher power, in whatever form that may take is the catalyst. The knowledge and wisdom of no longer being trapped in a moment.
Stunningly sad, but stunningly powerful and beautiful in its release.
With our thoughts we create...
an inner connection.
Kindest regards,
James.
A young mind encapsulates trauma. An older mind knows... in acceptance and acknowledgement healing is possible-- Jumbo.
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2022
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Hi Gypsy Queen,
when something is written in such a way that only an emotional response is required, or possible... then I'd say the author of said write, has done their job with a deft touch.
What a truly stunning presentation. From the image setting up the platform to the metaphorical magic in the first tanka and on to the second, where the story plays out the game of shame and guilt allowing the confusion of going outside oneself to gain love and acceptance in hope of regaining the nurturing, the protection and love that slipped away with time.
And the third tanka, and conclusion to this sad, yet so often, too familiar tale of coming to an age where the adult logical mind finally sees a lonely, scarred and damaged little soul inside, craving for someone to come a save her, hold her, comfort her... to tell it's not her fault, that the adult 'you' acknowledges the pain, the terror, the loneliness, the guilt and shame. How could a young mind ever process the trauma to one's psyche within so much damaging consequence? They can't... but eventually with help, they can... eventually... hopefully!
A connection to our higher selves, a higher power, in whatever form that may take is the catalyst. The knowledge and wisdom of no longer being trapped in a moment.
Stunningly sad, but stunningly powerful and beautiful in its release.
With our thoughts we create...
an inner connection.
Kindest regards,
James.
A young mind encapsulates trauma. An older mind knows... in acceptance and acknowledgement healing is possible-- Jumbo.
Comment Written 20-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2022
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James, as always, I am infinitely grateful for your generous and kind review. Nobody understands me as well as you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. The six stars rating is the icing on the cake. (*=*)
Gypsy Queen
"Learn the rules like a pro, so you can break them like an artist."
?Picasso
ps, see message for more detailed answer
Comment from Mike Stevens
Another fine poem, Gypsy----and this dreary messenger visits me quite often. I'm the world's most guilt-ridden person reliving and wishing I had handled moments differently
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2022
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Another fine poem, Gypsy----and this dreary messenger visits me quite often. I'm the world's most guilt-ridden person reliving and wishing I had handled moments differently
Comment Written 19-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2022
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Thank you very much for your time, kind review, and helpfull feedback.
Gypsy
"Poetry heals the wounds inflicted by reason". --Novalis
Comment from aryr
Thank you for the dreary picture and the help line number, Gypsy. The tanka was great because it captured the failure of the child in the picture. Blessed be n hugs!
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2022
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Thank you for the dreary picture and the help line number, Gypsy. The tanka was great because it captured the failure of the child in the picture. Blessed be n hugs!
Comment Written 19-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2022
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Aryr,
Thank you very much for your time, kind review, and helpfull feedback.
Gypsy
"Poetry heals the wounds inflicted by reason". --Novalis
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You are so very welcome, Gypsy. Blessed be n hugs!
Comment from Sugarray77
Well done on this extremely skilled composition of a modern tanka. You have presented all of the important points and added the artistic flair of font and background. You really excel in these Japanese forms Gypsy!!
Melissa
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2022
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Well done on this extremely skilled composition of a modern tanka. You have presented all of the important points and added the artistic flair of font and background. You really excel in these Japanese forms Gypsy!!
Melissa
Comment Written 19-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2022
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Melissa,
Thank you very much for your time, kind review, and helpfull feedback.
Gypsy
"Poetry heals the wounds inflicted by reason". --Novalis
Comment from AP Apgar
I like your poem...Excellent picture presentation. Poem is full of information about this person...unpacking it requires more than one read to understand the many experiences that she has endured and her reactions - sad to glad to welcoming these thoughts of the pain she has apparently endured...dealing with her inner child - forgiving her and then at the end - having been able to come to terms with and forgive - and thus feeling free...acceptance. Happy ending...good job.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2022
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I like your poem...Excellent picture presentation. Poem is full of information about this person...unpacking it requires more than one read to understand the many experiences that she has endured and her reactions - sad to glad to welcoming these thoughts of the pain she has apparently endured...dealing with her inner child - forgiving her and then at the end - having been able to come to terms with and forgive - and thus feeling free...acceptance. Happy ending...good job.
Comment Written 19-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2022
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AP,
Thank you very much for your time, kind review, and helpfull feedback.
Gypsy
"Poetry heals the wounds inflicted by reason". --Novalis
Comment from GARY MACLEAN
So sad, so empty.
Line 7: Don't get me wrong or put a label on me or anything but should (his) be (hers) considering that in Line 9 you say, "man after man." Not that there is anything wrong with that. Just wondering.
Someone will certainly pick up on it and say something, I'm sure.
Beautiful word selection so nicely said.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2022
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So sad, so empty.
Line 7: Don't get me wrong or put a label on me or anything but should (his) be (hers) considering that in Line 9 you say, "man after man." Not that there is anything wrong with that. Just wondering.
Someone will certainly pick up on it and say something, I'm sure.
Beautiful word selection so nicely said.
Comment Written 19-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2022
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Thank you very much, Gary. I changed that error. (*+*)
Thank you very much. You are always so kind and honest, I really appreciate it. Your feedback is welcomed.
Gypsy
"The poet waits to paint the unsaid." ?Atticus
Comment from karenina
Our inner children spend a lifetime atoning for sins that were never our fault...
It's a tragedy...
So many of us are walking around broken inside!
I encourage all to speak up and ask for help.
There is a way out of the darkness!
Karenina
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2022
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Our inner children spend a lifetime atoning for sins that were never our fault...
It's a tragedy...
So many of us are walking around broken inside!
I encourage all to speak up and ask for help.
There is a way out of the darkness!
Karenina
Comment Written 19-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2022
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Karenina,
Thank you very much. I appreciate that you took the time to read and review my poem. Have a beautiful day. (*-*)
Gypsy
"The poet waits to paint the unsaid." ?Atticus
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Blessings!
Comment from royowen
There are so many children undeserving of the cruel treatment that they've received in their lives, feel undeserving of the love they need to feed their starving souls, beautifully written Gypsy, this is an exceptional post, well done, blessings Roy
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reply by the author on 19-Aug-2022
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There are so many children undeserving of the cruel treatment that they've received in their lives, feel undeserving of the love they need to feed their starving souls, beautifully written Gypsy, this is an exceptional post, well done, blessings Roy
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 18-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2022
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Thank you very much for your time and kind review and helpfull feedback.
Gypsy
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Most welcome