In Real Time
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Nomad"Stories of the Here and Now
6 total reviews
Comment from Jesse James Doty
I'm sorry but this is way too long to read.
I lost interest after the first paragraph and the paragraphs are long in themselves. I scanned until the end and was glad I hadn't read every single word. The plot is thin and uninteresting to the point of almost not being worthwhile to read at all.
Better luck next time!
Keep writing!
Jesse
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2022
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I'm sorry but this is way too long to read.
I lost interest after the first paragraph and the paragraphs are long in themselves. I scanned until the end and was glad I hadn't read every single word. The plot is thin and uninteresting to the point of almost not being worthwhile to read at all.
Better luck next time!
Keep writing!
Jesse
Comment Written 18-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2022
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Thanks for the excellent review anyway, you can't make everyone happy all the time. estory
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No words were ever truer than those.
You can't please everyone so you got to please yourself.
Jesse
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A couple of people told me it was one of my best pieces. So go figure. I think you can read it in about 15 or 20 minutes so I don't really believe it is that long. I've done much longer. estory
Comment from royowen
The truth is it could be anyone, anywhere, Jesus used the story of the Good Samaritan when His disciples asked who was there neighbour, and He used the despised Samaritan man as being the benefactor of the injured man. We were robbed at the Termini in Rome, a few years back, but not as bad as this, our insurance covered our loss, and that was minor compared to this selfish young man, but I was too, but yet, not like him. Beautifully written my friend, I enjoyed it. Blessings Roy
Typo: As he settled the (bell) bill?
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2022
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The truth is it could be anyone, anywhere, Jesus used the story of the Good Samaritan when His disciples asked who was there neighbour, and He used the despised Samaritan man as being the benefactor of the injured man. We were robbed at the Termini in Rome, a few years back, but not as bad as this, our insurance covered our loss, and that was minor compared to this selfish young man, but I was too, but yet, not like him. Beautifully written my friend, I enjoyed it. Blessings Roy
Typo: As he settled the (bell) bill?
Comment Written 16-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2022
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Thanks for the excellent review and for the sympathetic words supporting my theme. Some people liked it, others thought it too long and boring. What can you do. For Fanstory maybe its long, but it is not really long in the larger sense of literature. estory
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Well done
Comment from GWHARGIS
That's a pretty scary scenario. To have no money, no I'd, nothing to be able to help you. And true to form, people for the most part don't want to get involved. Easier to turn away than to reach out. He was very aloof at the start and unfortunately I'm not sure this would permanently change him. It might for awhile but people like him get comfortable quickly. Well written.
Gretchen
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2022
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That's a pretty scary scenario. To have no money, no I'd, nothing to be able to help you. And true to form, people for the most part don't want to get involved. Easier to turn away than to reach out. He was very aloof at the start and unfortunately I'm not sure this would permanently change him. It might for awhile but people like him get comfortable quickly. Well written.
Gretchen
Comment Written 16-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2022
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Thanks for the excellent review and I am glad I was able to get across the theme of isolation in society that leaves us all vulnerable. estory
Comment from BethShelby
Nicely written. Life can turn quickly. One may think they have the answers and are self-sufficient but the table turn quickly and if you don't have someone on you side, you might be out of luck.
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2022
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Nicely written. Life can turn quickly. One may think they have the answers and are self-sufficient but the table turn quickly and if you don't have someone on you side, you might be out of luck.
Comment Written 16-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2022
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Thanks for the excellent review and for your continued support for my work. estory
Comment from Jasmine Girl
I'm glad that I still have one six-star left. This is a great story and I enjoy reading it despite of its length. What's wrong is the incentive system here, making more and more money for themselves. That's why people act that way. I could see myself not wanting to help if I were confronted with this situation. I have my plans and don't want to get it interrupted. How can I trust this person for not scheming me?
Excellent and writing more stories like this one. I like your short stories better.
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2022
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I'm glad that I still have one six-star left. This is a great story and I enjoy reading it despite of its length. What's wrong is the incentive system here, making more and more money for themselves. That's why people act that way. I could see myself not wanting to help if I were confronted with this situation. I have my plans and don't want to get it interrupted. How can I trust this person for not scheming me?
Excellent and writing more stories like this one. I like your short stories better.
Comment Written 16-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2022
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Thanks for the exceptional review again and sometimes I agree that the short stories are better. But someone else said this was way too long and uninteresting. I could have broken it into pieces, but I really believe they read better in concise, whole formats, without breaks. estory
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Yes. I agree. I should have posted my short story in one part. Now I'm into writing a script from it. No pressure. I'm having fun writing it whenever I have time. What happened to your dad?
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He died of complications from a stroke. He was 98 and suffering from the stroke for about 9 months. It was alot of work but we kept him out of a nursing home and he passed away at home in June. Now we have to sell the house. estory
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I really enjoyed reading this story. I think it's one of you best. It really hit home. Thank you for sharing.
Then he put his sneakers on and that was it. (put on his sneakers - the adverb needs to be as close to the verb as possible)
He sat down on it and opened his laptop as the people rushed passed him. (you can omit 'down' my computer says 'passed' should be 'past')
to his delight, there was a pretty, little blond actually behind the counter, and he smiled his charming smile An older woman next to him on line snapped him an incredulous look but in his aloof position he ignored her, received his drink (period needed after 'smile' & 'woman beside him IN line')
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2022
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I really enjoyed reading this story. I think it's one of you best. It really hit home. Thank you for sharing.
Then he put his sneakers on and that was it. (put on his sneakers - the adverb needs to be as close to the verb as possible)
He sat down on it and opened his laptop as the people rushed passed him. (you can omit 'down' my computer says 'passed' should be 'past')
to his delight, there was a pretty, little blond actually behind the counter, and he smiled his charming smile An older woman next to him on line snapped him an incredulous look but in his aloof position he ignored her, received his drink (period needed after 'smile' & 'woman beside him IN line')
Comment Written 16-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2022
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Thanks for the excellent review and you are the second person who told me it was one of my best short stories. I don't know. Some in Intersections I thought were pretty good, and there are four more coming in this collection one or two will be jarring. estory
