No Longer With You
Contest Entry6 total reviews
Comment from GARY MACLEAN
Terrific font size and type selection. Even old farts like me can easily read what you have to say.
A couple of suggestions:
Para 3, 4th sentence: Remove comma after (anyway)
Para 4, 2nd sentence: Reposition closing quote mark after (goal) rather than (them.") and add period after (goal)
An interesting and unique conversation with someone who has passed but wants to help.
Good one Raul
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2022
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Terrific font size and type selection. Even old farts like me can easily read what you have to say.
A couple of suggestions:
Para 3, 4th sentence: Remove comma after (anyway)
Para 4, 2nd sentence: Reposition closing quote mark after (goal) rather than (them.") and add period after (goal)
An interesting and unique conversation with someone who has passed but wants to help.
Good one Raul
Comment Written 16-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2022
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Thank you! I have made it better.
Comment from joann r romei
You did a wonderful job with this prompt, I should give it a try, but lately I am not in much of a mood to write, hopefully it will pass and I can get back to my book.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2022
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You did a wonderful job with this prompt, I should give it a try, but lately I am not in much of a mood to write, hopefully it will pass and I can get back to my book.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2022
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Thank you!
Comment from nomi338
The thought comes from a good hearted place. Unfortunately, Holy Scripture does not totally agree with the concept of ghosts. A small limited number 144,000 persons will be resurrected to heaven to be with Jesus and his father in heaven. The rest will be in memorial tombs, the grave, until resurrected to life on a restored paradise here on earth. There is much more detail, that I will not go into here and now. It is fascinating and bears checking out.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2022
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The thought comes from a good hearted place. Unfortunately, Holy Scripture does not totally agree with the concept of ghosts. A small limited number 144,000 persons will be resurrected to heaven to be with Jesus and his father in heaven. The rest will be in memorial tombs, the grave, until resurrected to life on a restored paradise here on earth. There is much more detail, that I will not go into here and now. It is fascinating and bears checking out.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2022
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Thank you!
Comment from dragonpoet
Raul,
This does sounds like a dead loved one coming back in spirit to give his/her survivors that he is fine and advice on how to make it to Heaven to see him again as per the contest. I don't understand "The don't follow me" advice, for it seems you don't want them to be in Heaven. Or are just saying don't do anything that you think will bring them to you quicker.
I think it should be 'achieved your dreams" of made your dreams come true, not achieved your dreams come true.
Good luck in the contest.
Keep writing and stay healthy
Joan
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2022
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Raul,
This does sounds like a dead loved one coming back in spirit to give his/her survivors that he is fine and advice on how to make it to Heaven to see him again as per the contest. I don't understand "The don't follow me" advice, for it seems you don't want them to be in Heaven. Or are just saying don't do anything that you think will bring them to you quicker.
I think it should be 'achieved your dreams" of made your dreams come true, not achieved your dreams come true.
Good luck in the contest.
Keep writing and stay healthy
Joan
Comment Written 15-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2022
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Thank you!
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My pleasure, Raul
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
This is an excellent entry for the contest. It has a particularly strong first paragraph, as is required for a great hook to a story. Kate xx
Note: I thin about them ? I think about them
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2022
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This is an excellent entry for the contest. It has a particularly strong first paragraph, as is required for a great hook to a story. Kate xx
Note: I thin about them ? I think about them
Comment Written 14-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2022
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Thank you for your help! I have fixed the mistake.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
I'm glad this is a contest entry, I was getting worried! This is very well written and tells what you feel and what you'd like to do if it were possible. But once dead, you can't come back, but you can wait and be there for them when it's their turn. Well done. Good luck in the contest. :)) Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2022
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I'm glad this is a contest entry, I was getting worried! This is very well written and tells what you feel and what you'd like to do if it were possible. But once dead, you can't come back, but you can wait and be there for them when it's their turn. Well done. Good luck in the contest. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment Written 14-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2022
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Thank you!
