The Tor
Viewing comments for Chapter 40 "Processing Begins"Adventures around & upon a hill
10 total reviews
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Interesting chapter. Some notes:
-This starts in present tense (carries) then switches to past tense. Then, returns back to present tense.
-"blood-red water", no way would drink that.
-Would suggest deletion of "by having each of us tell her story" because you repeat them with the next sentence.
-Dialogue seems natural for the story as the ladies attempt to discuss what they experienced.
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2022
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Interesting chapter. Some notes:
-This starts in present tense (carries) then switches to past tense. Then, returns back to present tense.
-"blood-red water", no way would drink that.
-Would suggest deletion of "by having each of us tell her story" because you repeat them with the next sentence.
-Dialogue seems natural for the story as the ladies attempt to discuss what they experienced.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2022
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Thank you for your observant review. I will attend to them. Could you imagine people flock to that well? It creeped me out when we went near it in reality. Eeek.
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
"Whoa, let's each tell our individual story. I think that is important." says Madeline. But then they don't. It's just a cacophony. I think you should re-direct the introduction to that, so that it fits in better with what you actually wrote. Kate xx
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2022
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"Whoa, let's each tell our individual story. I think that is important." says Madeline. But then they don't. It's just a cacophony. I think you should re-direct the introduction to that, so that it fits in better with what you actually wrote. Kate xx
Comment Written 13-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2022
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Thank you for your observant review. They do in a future chapter. It's quite realistic, considering the need for everyone to talk.
Comment from BermyBye50
Liz,
A brilliant chapter of writing and a haunting addition to the novel The Tor.
You exhibit great natural talent and skill in your writing. Your dialogue is quite impressive and the narrative is first class. The ability to weave interesting references in your write enhances the story your conveying.
Cheers,
Eugene
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2022
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Liz,
A brilliant chapter of writing and a haunting addition to the novel The Tor.
You exhibit great natural talent and skill in your writing. Your dialogue is quite impressive and the narrative is first class. The ability to weave interesting references in your write enhances the story your conveying.
Cheers,
Eugene
Comment Written 13-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2022
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Wow, thank you for such a positive review. I'm glad you're appreciating it. We're winding down only a few more chapters. If you need to you can read any in my portfolio without needing to write a review. Just enjoy.
Comment from Judy Lawless
This is all so mysterious to me, Liz. It kind of wants me to avoid visiting such places, even though I know that will never happen this late in my life anyway. lol It amazes me how well you planned ahead for this book, now referencing to the plates, something that happened a while back. Great job.
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2022
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This is all so mysterious to me, Liz. It kind of wants me to avoid visiting such places, even though I know that will never happen this late in my life anyway. lol It amazes me how well you planned ahead for this book, now referencing to the plates, something that happened a while back. Great job.
Comment Written 11-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2022
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Thank you for your loyal review. Fortunately, we actually went to these places & these were our responses. I looked up English plates & by golly there was one with the monastery & church on it!
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You are most welcome, Liz. I know you have a good reason to go to see this first hand, but I think I would be very disturbed by it. Interesting you found the plate. I have a few special addition "church" plates that were made as fund raisers. :)
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***hugs***
Comment from papa55mike
This storyline sounds similar to the Gunslinger series by Stephan King. The world was held together by many worlds along the lines leading from the Dark Tower. What a wonderfully written chapter. Best of luck with the rest of your book!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2022
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This storyline sounds similar to the Gunslinger series by Stephan King. The world was held together by many worlds along the lines leading from the Dark Tower. What a wonderfully written chapter. Best of luck with the rest of your book!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment Written 11-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2022
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Thank you for your enthusiastic review. That sounds like quite a fascinating book, of course it is Stephen King. lol.
It is difficult coming in cold. You did well. If you are interested, it is about a real trip to England but tweaked to go 'Twilight Zone ish' The first 18 chapters are about the power spots we visited, along with a crop circle. All with discussion about the Michael & Mary ley lines. This was building up to an idea of a sense we'd gotten, that we'd been there before. There were some pretty horrible things that happened. So I decided to write about them. You are welcome to scan through my portfolio to read any chapters leading up to this chapter. You could begin on chapter 16 to get into it. No need for a review, just enjoy.
Comment from aryr
A great continuation chapter, Liz. It was great that they all, each and every one of them could relate it to the bad negative vibes of the Michael line rather than the positive ones of the Mary line. Each of them felt the negative vibes from the plates and chose to use paper plates instead. Wise thinking. Lol, Madeline had decided she was a more promising dowser than Cordelia. I really enjoyed this. Well done.
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2022
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A great continuation chapter, Liz. It was great that they all, each and every one of them could relate it to the bad negative vibes of the Michael line rather than the positive ones of the Mary line. Each of them felt the negative vibes from the plates and chose to use paper plates instead. Wise thinking. Lol, Madeline had decided she was a more promising dowser than Cordelia. I really enjoyed this. Well done.
Comment Written 10-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2022
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Thank you for your ever loyal review. I'm glad you are enjoying it.
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Oh, you are so welcome, Liz. Mmm any time the word 'loyal' is used, I'm caught, lol.
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***chuckle***
Comment from Jay Squires
I want you to know I read this even though you didn't promote it. Just a gentle ribbing, but is there a reason you didn't promote it? It's such a waste of an excellent chapter and an opportunity to grow your following. Just wondering.
Bringing it all together for us I said, "We might as well connect all of this to the Michael ley line." [A suggestion, here. You are providing information to the reader about Occult phenomena, most of whom won't know anything about it. It would probably be helpful here if there is one person in the group who doesn't know about the ley lines. That way, Madeline could ask, does everyone know about the ley lines? And the one person could say something like, "It's a little vague to me." That would allow Madeline to give a deeper account of the Michael and Mary lines ... and you won't have to refer to the line "as we know," which is a dead giveaway to the reader that the writer is trying to :"feed" her information.
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2022
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I want you to know I read this even though you didn't promote it. Just a gentle ribbing, but is there a reason you didn't promote it? It's such a waste of an excellent chapter and an opportunity to grow your following. Just wondering.
Bringing it all together for us I said, "We might as well connect all of this to the Michael ley line." [A suggestion, here. You are providing information to the reader about Occult phenomena, most of whom won't know anything about it. It would probably be helpful here if there is one person in the group who doesn't know about the ley lines. That way, Madeline could ask, does everyone know about the ley lines? And the one person could say something like, "It's a little vague to me." That would allow Madeline to give a deeper account of the Michael and Mary lines ... and you won't have to refer to the line "as we know," which is a dead giveaway to the reader that the writer is trying to :"feed" her information.
Comment Written 09-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2022
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Thank you for your estute review. This discusssion of the ley lines began on chapter one. That unfortunately is one of the factors that creates artificiality. It someone were just reading chapter after another, there would not need to be this reexplaining. I do see your point. I need to write for the comfort of the reader. I'm copying & pasting your suggestions. I usually get 2 reviews then promote it. I've gotten 5 this time.
Comment from lyenochka
It is good that all the ladies could share about their experiences with the plates. Even though in the beginning we only knew about Madeline's response. Great idea to remind the reader of what happened originally which you used as a foreshadowing!
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2022
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It is good that all the ladies could share about their experiences with the plates. Even though in the beginning we only knew about Madeline's response. Great idea to remind the reader of what happened originally which you used as a foreshadowing!
Comment Written 09-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2022
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Thank you for your loyal reviews. I'm glad your are enjoying it.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is well-written with no problems. At the beginning you said they were going to process what had happened to them in the 16th century, but they mostly talked about their fear of the plates. Did the other women experience life in the monastery? I was never susre if they knew they were there or not.
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2022
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This is well-written with no problems. At the beginning you said they were going to process what had happened to them in the 16th century, but they mostly talked about their fear of the plates. Did the other women experience life in the monastery? I was never susre if they knew they were there or not.
Comment Written 09-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2022
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Thank you for your loyal review. I'm glad you are enjoying it. Yes, the next chapter tells how they also were portaled to the 16th century/
Comment from jessizero
I think the comma is misplaced in that last paragraph. It should be "soft, fluffy feeling." Other than that, I loved your work. Thanks for continuing to share. Best wishes to you.
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2022
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I think the comma is misplaced in that last paragraph. It should be "soft, fluffy feeling." Other than that, I loved your work. Thanks for continuing to share. Best wishes to you.
Comment Written 09-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2022
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Thank you for your admiring review. I'm glad you are enjoying it.