Crossroads
Meeting at the ...10 total reviews
Comment from Verna Cole Mitchell
This was definitely "winner" worthy. I found the winning story and the accompanying stories fascinating. This is an interesting topic on which to conjecture, for sure. Congratulations on first place!
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2022
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This was definitely "winner" worthy. I found the winning story and the accompanying stories fascinating. This is an interesting topic on which to conjecture, for sure. Congratulations on first place!
Comment Written 15-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2022
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Thank you Verna! I appreciate your review and congratulations - especially since it has expired. Interestingly I was in the middle of the book "Triple Helix" when the contest was set. It is an excellent read, and she's a gifted writer. I found it quite inspirational. She also talks about her travels in the US and Australia as she was processing everything and her descriptions of the countryside are spectacular, and she layers them with her search for meaning and identity.
Wendy
Comment from Sandra Nelms-Ludwig
I thought this was a well-written factual essay. I liked that the font was large and easy to read. I liked also that the essay was approached from two perspectives. The way the stories were woven together with the advocacy work of Lauren for donor families helping Lynette 's path with her son easier was great. The only line in the essay I would change is this line.~He (has the possibility of growing up) will grow up into a capable and caring adult, with his identity and heritage intact. There are too many other pitfalls in life to guarantee that because this hurdle was avoided, he will have a capable and caring adulthood. One never knows what type of man the American father could be. Overall, well-done.
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2022
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I thought this was a well-written factual essay. I liked that the font was large and easy to read. I liked also that the essay was approached from two perspectives. The way the stories were woven together with the advocacy work of Lauren for donor families helping Lynette 's path with her son easier was great. The only line in the essay I would change is this line.~He (has the possibility of growing up) will grow up into a capable and caring adult, with his identity and heritage intact. There are too many other pitfalls in life to guarantee that because this hurdle was avoided, he will have a capable and caring adulthood. One never knows what type of man the American father could be. Overall, well-done.
Comment Written 10-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2022
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Thank you for your thoughtful review, Sandra - it is greatly appreciated, along with your suggestion. Yes, I will change that, as you are right - there are no guarantees.
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You are welcome.
Comment from Teri7
This is a really good story for the sperm donor contest. You used great descriptive words and very good imagery with your words and the art work you used. This was a very enjoyable read. Best wishes in the contest. Blessings, Teri
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2022
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This is a really good story for the sperm donor contest. You used great descriptive words and very good imagery with your words and the art work you used. This was a very enjoyable read. Best wishes in the contest. Blessings, Teri
Comment Written 10-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2022
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Many thanks Teri - your review is very encouraging, and I also appreciate your good wishes.
Comment from lyenochka
I like that you gave us two scenarios. At first I thought both Lauren and Lynette had the same biological father but I guess that's not the case. You gave us a clear, logical thread of personal history and the resulting questions that cause dilemmas for recipients of donated sperm. Best wishes in the contest!
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2022
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I like that you gave us two scenarios. At first I thought both Lauren and Lynette had the same biological father but I guess that's not the case. You gave us a clear, logical thread of personal history and the resulting questions that cause dilemmas for recipients of donated sperm. Best wishes in the contest!
Comment Written 10-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2022
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Thank you very much for your thoughtful review. No, despite receiving her donation in Australia, Lynette's donor was an American man. Thank you for the good wishes!
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That was really interesting. It has to be possible to find out who the donor is, especially on medical grounds. It's a bit like adoption, there was always secrecy about your birth parents. I'm glad it worked out for Lauren, and she found out and met her donor father and other siblings. Well done and good luck in the contest. :) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2022
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That was really interesting. It has to be possible to find out who the donor is, especially on medical grounds. It's a bit like adoption, there was always secrecy about your birth parents. I'm glad it worked out for Lauren, and she found out and met her donor father and other siblings. Well done and good luck in the contest. :) Sandra xx
Comment Written 07-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2022
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Thanks so much Sandra. I am glad you appreciated this one. Yes I agree re the medical and genetic background, and it is important too just to understand who one is as a person. I appreciate your kind review, and good wishes.
Comment from LisaMay
Apart from the distinctive way you write in coloured italics, I can tell who wrote this by the sympathetic way you present social situations in terms of psychological outcomes... and write with such heartfelt clarity (and because I am also Australian).
As an adopted person with no knowledge of my father, I can relate to many aspects of this story concerning identity and feeling incomplete.
I also agree with your conclusions regarding the double-edged sword of science and technology... it is imperative it be accompanied by appropriate boundaries and supports.
Manning Clark is one of my Aussie 'heroes'. He lived in Canberra, where I grew up. A brilliant man.
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2022
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Apart from the distinctive way you write in coloured italics, I can tell who wrote this by the sympathetic way you present social situations in terms of psychological outcomes... and write with such heartfelt clarity (and because I am also Australian).
As an adopted person with no knowledge of my father, I can relate to many aspects of this story concerning identity and feeling incomplete.
I also agree with your conclusions regarding the double-edged sword of science and technology... it is imperative it be accompanied by appropriate boundaries and supports.
Manning Clark is one of my Aussie 'heroes'. He lived in Canberra, where I grew up. A brilliant man.
Comment Written 07-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2022
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Thank you very much for your super review! I think you would love to read the book as well, although now I've given away the ending! A great outcome for her to find who her father and grandfather were. Yes I tried to minimise the effects of a long piece by breaking it up with colour for the different parts. And there aren't too many Aussies who write long prose. Lol. Glad you enjoyed it.
Comment from Erika Seshadri
This is a very interesting piece of writing and a great entry for the Sperm Donor contest. As someone who is adopted, I understand the desire to know where one comes from, and it was interesting for me to find out that my biological mother is a writer, and my bio father is a musician, which explains a lot in regards to interests as a youth that had nothing to do with my adoptive parents.
Cheers,
Erika
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2022
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This is a very interesting piece of writing and a great entry for the Sperm Donor contest. As someone who is adopted, I understand the desire to know where one comes from, and it was interesting for me to find out that my biological mother is a writer, and my bio father is a musician, which explains a lot in regards to interests as a youth that had nothing to do with my adoptive parents.
Cheers,
Erika
Comment Written 07-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2022
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Thank you very much Erika - you understand perfectly that need to understand and know one's heritage and underlying identity, what makes you the person you are. Many thanks for your super review.
Comment from Jay Squires
You've written a fascinating account from two perspectives. The first was fairly easy to follow. The second gave me paus in several places. I share those in the notes below, along with a few suggestions in the way of punctuation:
find out some other way, maybe by DNA testing", [In dialogue, the punctuation goes inside the closing quote mark.]
"You only told me so you are free of keeping secrets". Her mother wept. It was true. [There seems a bit of inconsistency here. Earlier, she said it didn't matter, and nothing changed. But she immediately proves it does matter. Any stark change in motivation needs to be explained to the reader.]
Was it grief at "the secret"? [This seems to be worded confusingly. Do you mean "Was her grief because of its secrecy?"]
His mother is helping him to understand American history, and they celebrate July 4 each year. [By "him" do you mean the boy? By the sounds of it, he is not American. Otherwise, why would his mother teach him American History? And it also sounds like the mother and the boy are not together -- like the only time they get together is on July 4th.
You have the most complete and compelling histories of sperm "donorship" that I've read here. Both have the ring of authenticity. I hope, if my concerns above seem reasonable to you, that you'll follow through with them. I'd like to see this walk away with the prize!
Jay
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2022
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You've written a fascinating account from two perspectives. The first was fairly easy to follow. The second gave me paus in several places. I share those in the notes below, along with a few suggestions in the way of punctuation:
find out some other way, maybe by DNA testing", [In dialogue, the punctuation goes inside the closing quote mark.]
"You only told me so you are free of keeping secrets". Her mother wept. It was true. [There seems a bit of inconsistency here. Earlier, she said it didn't matter, and nothing changed. But she immediately proves it does matter. Any stark change in motivation needs to be explained to the reader.]
Was it grief at "the secret"? [This seems to be worded confusingly. Do you mean "Was her grief because of its secrecy?"]
His mother is helping him to understand American history, and they celebrate July 4 each year. [By "him" do you mean the boy? By the sounds of it, he is not American. Otherwise, why would his mother teach him American History? And it also sounds like the mother and the boy are not together -- like the only time they get together is on July 4th.
You have the most complete and compelling histories of sperm "donorship" that I've read here. Both have the ring of authenticity. I hope, if my concerns above seem reasonable to you, that you'll follow through with them. I'd like to see this walk away with the prize!
Jay
Comment Written 07-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2022
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Thank you Jay for your very thoughtful and insightful comments, which I found very encouraging and helpful. Answering the last bit first - yes his donor father is American and Lynette wants him to know and understand his American heritage as well as his Australian heritage. (I realise now that it is not clear that I and my niece are Australian.)
Yes, she felt grief at "the secrecy" surrounding her conception. Although donors were non-identifiable, there was no real reason why her parents could not have shared Lauren's manner of conception with her. It was just that it was a new technology at that time, and people were unsure how their friends and relatives would perceive their journey of going down this path, so they just never spoke of it.
You are right about the change of attitude too. She SAID initially it didn't matter, but the more she thought about it, the more she thought it DID matter. I'll go back now and address those things. Many thanks.
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My pleasure. What didn't change is your gifts as a writer. You have it all together.
Jay
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Thank you so much Jay. I have made a few changes just now. If you have a moment to see if it is clearer, I would greatly value your input. If not (and I know it is quite long) I do understand. Many thanks again.
Comment from Jesse James Doty
I'm sorry but this goes on and on endlessly and never seems to end.
I found parts of this undeniably uninteresting and hoped that as I went further it would get better but alas it didn't.
The fact that Lynette is your daughter or niece or whatever doesn't change the idea that this should not have taken so long to end.
Thanks for letting me be honest with you.
Jesse
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2022
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I'm sorry but this goes on and on endlessly and never seems to end.
I found parts of this undeniably uninteresting and hoped that as I went further it would get better but alas it didn't.
The fact that Lynette is your daughter or niece or whatever doesn't change the idea that this should not have taken so long to end.
Thanks for letting me be honest with you.
Jesse
Comment Written 06-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2022
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You are welcome to your opinion of course, and you are welcome to stop reading at any time of your choosing. I like honesty with respect.
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My apologies.
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
This is a compelling entry for the Sperm Donor contest. The effects that discovering she didn't know who she was had on Lauren are particularly enlightening and thought-provoking. Am I right in thinking these came from the book you were reading? Your story would be strengthened if you could raise Lynette's story to the same level. This shouldn't be too difficult as the seeds are there in your introduction. Kate xx
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2022
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This is a compelling entry for the Sperm Donor contest. The effects that discovering she didn't know who she was had on Lauren are particularly enlightening and thought-provoking. Am I right in thinking these came from the book you were reading? Your story would be strengthened if you could raise Lynette's story to the same level. This shouldn't be too difficult as the seeds are there in your introduction. Kate xx
Comment Written 06-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2022
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Thank you so much Katherine. Yes, she indicated all this in her book, but with much more detail. I did think about that re Lynette's story, but her son's situation is relatively straightforward, and I was concerned about the length. I'll give it more thought. I always appreciate your insights.
