Reviews from

Trug4 and The Secret

A synopsis of a Sci-Fi story to be written.

19 total reviews 
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

"Contacts Alex" should be contacted Alex to keep the tense past.

Seemed Alex was smitten with Meridith from the word go.

Next to last paragraph provides the jest of the tale, Meridith is being hounded by the Brothers of Might, though she did not divulge the reason why.

In last paragraph "survives" should be survived, and "will they" should be would they, it is that keeping everything in the same (past) tense thing again.

It grabs attention with many possible directions the storyline could travel.

My thoughts on word length is write until you feel the piece is correct and not worry about whether some FanStory member tells you how long it should be. (I always give that recommendation every time I respond to that dilemma.)

 Comment Written 13-Sep-2022


reply by the author on 15-Sep-2022
    Thanks for the stars, and I always appreciate your comments. Shirley
Comment from Alaskastory
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

"Trug4 and The Secret" presents an intriguing story. I kept wishing for more detail with each scene, but I was relieved when I read this is a synopsis for a story you will write. Hope you get into it right away. Sounds like a really good one!

 Comment Written 11-Aug-2022


reply by the author on 11-Aug-2022
    You are sweet. Thank you. I'll get to it as soon as I can. Shirley
Comment from Tom Horonzy
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

I will need more than two lumps of sugar to swallow the story herein for I am not particularly someone who has read or plans to read SciFi. Still, I'd like to know what happens to the pair.

 Comment Written 07-Aug-2022


reply by the author on 08-Aug-2022
    Hello Tom, thank you for the review. I'm sorry I'm all out of sugar lumps, but I will do the best I can when I write it. Not everyone enjoys Sci Fi. I was a big Trecky fan. Thanks again. Shirley
reply by Tom Horonzy on 08-Aug-2022
    ?Live long and prosper!?
    ?Logic is the beginning of wisdom, not the end.?
    Where man has never been.
Comment from Ulla
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Hi Shirley, I give you a six for this, because it's basically very well written. I would trim it to be shorter and a bit more concise. But you've caught my attention. Two paragraphs can be safely taken out. The one starting with:
'Alex mind focused' and 'The computer started to call out maydays' those two paragraphs belong to the story itself.
What is certain is I would like to read your story. Ulla:)))

 Comment Written 07-Aug-2022


reply by the author on 08-Aug-2022
    Hey Ulla, thank you for that wonderful 6th star. I am entering that synopsis in a contest, and I appreciate your suggestions. I will eventually get around to writing the story. Thanks again. Shirley
Comment from Michaela Moore
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

I am impressed with your pot idea for this science-fantasy adventure. I like the juxtaposed anxiety of the survival story with the action/adventure story of the unexamined planet and the mob-like gang after Meridith. All such promises for tension. One thing you might think about is adding people to the crew. It would be much more enjoyable with at least two or three other characters to play around with in characterizations and dialogue, and they and their issues would add to the tension and suspense. And that way, you can have some of them be the victims in some of the "battles" to keep your protagonists safe while adding to the terror.

 Comment Written 07-Aug-2022


reply by the author on 08-Aug-2022
    Thank you for your review and suggestions. When I do get around to writing the story, it will have more characters. Shirley
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

In theory, a synopsis should be not more than two pages double spaced and should tell highlights of the whole story. Alex acts a little stupid paying attention to Meridith and not paying attention to his ship, so you might want to wise him up. He also needs to have seen a habitable spot on the world where they crash as they can't carry that much food or water. The villains need a leader he will confront, and Meridith needs a little more description. They also need someone to show up and help them. And you reveal the reason Meredith must die. You seem to have the first third of the story here, but an editor wants to know where you are going with this. There is also the 'come on", that part you read on the back of paperbacks that tells you what the story is about. It's a cargo (hold). Best of luck with this.

 Comment Written 06-Aug-2022


reply by the author on 08-Aug-2022
    Thank you for your helpful suggestions. I am entering this synopsis in a competition, and I will utilize your suggestions. Thanks again. Shirley
Comment from Fleedleflump
Good
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

I think the story itself has great potential, and I like the rough outlines of the characters and the trials they're likely to face.

You do switch between present and past tense, which I found disconcerting - I don't think there's any advantage to it, so I'd suggest anchoring it fully in one.

In terms of the synopsis itself, I think there are some issues. The middle section is way too detailed for a synopsis. Things like the red light on the display, the tilt to the left, Alex noticing different creatures' footprints - these are all narrative things I'd expect to read in the actual story.

The last paragraph is closer to the level of detail I'd expect - essentially, a summary of characters, actions and events, challenges and resolutions. Also (unlike a blurb), a synopsis would usually outline the full plot, including the ending. Of course, I understand why you haven't done that here, since you're not talking to an agent or publisher, but to a potential audience, and you want to hook us.

Which, despite all my nit-picking above, you've managed to do :-)

Mike

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 06-Aug-2022


reply by the author on 08-Aug-2022
    Thanks for the review, and I do appreciate the critique. Shirley
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

I enjoyed your synopsis of the soon to be written story, Mary.
You gave readers some great hints about what I to come in
your story. I didn't see anything wrong with the length or the
descriptions.
Thanks for sharing and best wishes with the new writing, Jan

 Comment Written 06-Aug-2022


reply by the author on 08-Aug-2022
    Hey Jan, thanks for the stars and your kind words. Shirley
Comment from LJbutterfly
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

I've never been a fan of Sci-Fi or fantasy. However, since this piece was short, I decided to read. I'm intrigued. I love fiction, and I can see all sorts of possibilities as a result of your synopsis. An older man of retirement age fighting the unknown, and a young vibrant woman with secrets make an interesting pair. This synopsis is an appropriate length, but future episodes could be at least twice this size, or more, for adequate development. I look forward to reading what you do with this story.

 Comment Written 06-Aug-2022


reply by the author on 08-Aug-2022
    Thank you for the stars and your kind words. Sci fy is not for everyone. I'm glad it intrigued you. Shirley
Comment from Ric Myworld
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

You have my attention and I'm anxiously awaiting your new adventure. So, get to it and don't keep us fans waiting too long. LOL. Sounds like this will be a fun ride. Thanks for sharing.

 Comment Written 06-Aug-2022


reply by the author on 08-Aug-2022
    Thanks Ric, for the stars. I'm not sure when I will get it written but it will happen. Shirley