The Best Time of Ohmie's Life
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "The Best Time of Ohmie's Life"Dying of cancer, Ohmie learns his parents are spie
15 total reviews
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
I'm not sure where the best time of your life ends and the Ohmie story begins! But that's fiction, right?
Well, now I just have to know what Timothy's dad is and what he's up to. James Bond, indeed!
Nice twist at the end. Followed by another twist:-)
The last line of the first paragraph is a little confusing - you'll never find out what?
my trigonometry teach, (add comma)
Mr. Sanders wanted to show "off", not out.
I personally think you should just mention that you grabbed a Tom Clancy book - without getting into his politics.
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2022
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I'm not sure where the best time of your life ends and the Ohmie story begins! But that's fiction, right?
Well, now I just have to know what Timothy's dad is and what he's up to. James Bond, indeed!
Nice twist at the end. Followed by another twist:-)
The last line of the first paragraph is a little confusing - you'll never find out what?
my trigonometry teach, (add comma)
Mr. Sanders wanted to show "off", not out.
I personally think you should just mention that you grabbed a Tom Clancy book - without getting into his politics.
Comment Written 05-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2022
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Thank you for a very nice review!
In the South people show out.
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I've never heard that before! I've learned something new today.
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
Excellent! You have a natural way of talking to the reader. It's almost conversational. And the story weaves it's way into the conversation naturally. Excellent writing - really did not expect it to get so dark! This was very enjoyable.
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2022
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Excellent! You have a natural way of talking to the reader. It's almost conversational. And the story weaves it's way into the conversation naturally. Excellent writing - really did not expect it to get so dark! This was very enjoyable.
Comment Written 05-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2022
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A very different Ohmie story.
Thank you for a very nice review.
Comment from Judy Lawless
Well done, Wayne! It certainly was different from the previous ones. It didn't sound like Ohmie and his family at all. I was glad to learn it was a dream, and May is still part of his life. But he's very sick! Thanks for the warning. Sad.
"Mr. Sanders wanted to show out(off) by...)
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2022
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Well done, Wayne! It certainly was different from the previous ones. It didn't sound like Ohmie and his family at all. I was glad to learn it was a dream, and May is still part of his life. But he's very sick! Thanks for the warning. Sad.
"Mr. Sanders wanted to show out(off) by...)
Comment Written 05-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2022
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It's showing out in Arkansas.
Thank you for the review.
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Ah, okay. You're very welcome. :)
Comment from Brett Matthew West
My reviews are the opinions of this reader. Take them in that light. Feel free to use anything that may help or chuck the whole shebang.
-Story begins with an absentee dad. This usually only leads to trouble as depicted in the parental argument, that almost ended in physical violence, in the second paragraph. A good lead-in.
-Seems the 13 year old has reached the point he feels he can pretty much do whatever he wants to including playing fiddle music on his violin. A sign of teenage rebellion, as well as a good character profile of the boy.
-His suspension from school is another example of the boy trying to unsuccessfully find his way when the male role model of his life is always gone.
-The class's reaction to his outburst displays the typical response in that situation.
-Stated opinion of Tom Clancy, and his political beliefs, are clear. However, not sure how much a 13 year old boy is going to care or notice them.
-If dad sat in Business Class, and the boy in the front of the plane, how could dad be waiting for him when he got off the plane? Wouldn't dad have had to walk past him on the plane upon arriving in London?
-if the dude is holding the gun how can the boy thumb the safety?
-This was an interesting, and believable, story up to this point.
-The last paragraph, while well written, seems to be a "throw in" to the rest of the story. For this reader, anyway, this last paragraph did not work very well.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2022
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My reviews are the opinions of this reader. Take them in that light. Feel free to use anything that may help or chuck the whole shebang.
-Story begins with an absentee dad. This usually only leads to trouble as depicted in the parental argument, that almost ended in physical violence, in the second paragraph. A good lead-in.
-Seems the 13 year old has reached the point he feels he can pretty much do whatever he wants to including playing fiddle music on his violin. A sign of teenage rebellion, as well as a good character profile of the boy.
-His suspension from school is another example of the boy trying to unsuccessfully find his way when the male role model of his life is always gone.
-The class's reaction to his outburst displays the typical response in that situation.
-Stated opinion of Tom Clancy, and his political beliefs, are clear. However, not sure how much a 13 year old boy is going to care or notice them.
-If dad sat in Business Class, and the boy in the front of the plane, how could dad be waiting for him when he got off the plane? Wouldn't dad have had to walk past him on the plane upon arriving in London?
-if the dude is holding the gun how can the boy thumb the safety?
-This was an interesting, and believable, story up to this point.
-The last paragraph, while well written, seems to be a "throw in" to the rest of the story. For this reader, anyway, this last paragraph did not work very well.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2022
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Ohmie had his hand on the gun that was always in the satchel.
The character Ohmie, is a continuing character of which I've post over 40 stories. He is a precocious genius (13 yr old studying trigonometry with college prep kids).
Business class deplanes first.
The last paragraph tells you that it was all a dream. I'll try to make it more clear.
Thank you for a very thoughtful review.
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
Your Ohmie story troubles me on two counts:
Most important, I fell out of the thrall of the story when the gun somehow got into Ohmie's hand.
Secondly, all this throwing of money around was like having coaldust thrown in my eyes. Unexplained, therefore rritating.
If you could reassure me I am being illogical , I will happily change this temporary rating. Kate xx
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Addendum.
With just a couple of judicious words, you have fixed this beautifully. Timothy's dream is now firmly anchored in an apparent reality, and the reader stays engaged. Excellent story.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2022
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Your Ohmie story troubles me on two counts:
Most important, I fell out of the thrall of the story when the gun somehow got into Ohmie's hand.
Secondly, all this throwing of money around was like having coaldust thrown in my eyes. Unexplained, therefore rritating.
If you could reassure me I am being illogical , I will happily change this temporary rating. Kate xx
*******************************
Addendum.
With just a couple of judicious words, you have fixed this beautifully. Timothy's dream is now firmly anchored in an apparent reality, and the reader stays engaged. Excellent story.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2022
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There was a gun in the satchel that Ohmie got his hand on. I'll make that more clear.
Ohmie's dad was a spy using agency money. The tips are not too far from normal. But Ohmie was shocked by the extravagance, as well.
How about the last paragraph? Another reviewer failed to see that Ohmie was dreaming during dialysis.
Thank you for the helpful hints.
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The last para didn't disturb me. I understood the whole thing was a dream, but felt that to keep the reader engaged you had to keep the dream coherent (that was my point. When you amend, I'll amend rating). K
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Fixed - I hope.
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Yes! Comment and rating updated. K
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Super!
