The Best Time of Ohmie's Life
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "The Best Time of Ohmie's Life"Dying of cancer, Ohmie learns his parents are spie
15 total reviews
Comment from Douglas Goff
Is this the original Ohmie?
Great read. The father sounds like mine. I never spent even one birthday with him.
Great write up. Nice work on the different perspectives of mom/son.
This needed a fifteenth review.
D
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2024
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Is this the original Ohmie?
Great read. The father sounds like mine. I never spent even one birthday with him.
Great write up. Nice work on the different perspectives of mom/son.
This needed a fifteenth review.
D
Comment Written 09-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2024
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Thank you again!
No, this Ohmie came in the middle some where.
I ended up making about 80,000 words out of it.
Comment from Liz O'Neill
Sounds like it was a good thing he was away a lot. Also it's very interesting because one of the first things that happens is a child will blame themselves. You are bringing out some good issues. A foreshadowing for a future cautionary tale."Sanders said it, "Timothy, come up to the board and show the class how I've taught you how to find the cosine of the obtuse angle." I'm glad you turned it into a story with chapters.
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2024
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Sounds like it was a good thing he was away a lot. Also it's very interesting because one of the first things that happens is a child will blame themselves. You are bringing out some good issues. A foreshadowing for a future cautionary tale."Sanders said it, "Timothy, come up to the board and show the class how I've taught you how to find the cosine of the obtuse angle." I'm glad you turned it into a story with chapters.
Comment Written 19-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2024
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Thank you for going back and finding this. Yes, I submitted ch 1 as a contest entry, and then wrote about 50K words (I think).
I appreciate your very kind review.
Comment from karenina
Oh. I'm new yo the riff on Ohmie. I first met him in the autistic story. I'm beginning yo see what your doing...
I found this chapter to be very realistic,a as to the attitude of a big his age...
Great triple flip at the end here. Oh! He was dreaming!
Your visuals were very descriptive. Not overcome by purple passion phrsses...
Facts and action...as it should be.
This young man has an attitude!
Karenina
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2022
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Oh. I'm new yo the riff on Ohmie. I first met him in the autistic story. I'm beginning yo see what your doing...
I found this chapter to be very realistic,a as to the attitude of a big his age...
Great triple flip at the end here. Oh! He was dreaming!
Your visuals were very descriptive. Not overcome by purple passion phrsses...
Facts and action...as it should be.
This young man has an attitude!
Karenina
Comment Written 09-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2022
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lol
Yes, he does.
Thank you for the fun review.
Comment from amahra
I really loved this story. It was very well written and I enjoyed the voice of the kid. You told it so believable. The ending was most surprising. Nothing was predictable. I'm voting in this contest. This story, if people want quality, has a great chance.
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2022
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I really loved this story. It was very well written and I enjoyed the voice of the kid. You told it so believable. The ending was most surprising. Nothing was predictable. I'm voting in this contest. This story, if people want quality, has a great chance.
Comment Written 04-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2022
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Thank you for the very kind words!
Comment from Susan Newell
Wayne,
This is a slightly different Ohmie. You held my interest from start to finish. The episode with the trig teacher was a nice inclusion. I was wondering how he got two accurate shots off through the bag, which eventually became evident. Clever way to include May. I'm off to the next installment.
Sue
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2022
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Wayne,
This is a slightly different Ohmie. You held my interest from start to finish. The episode with the trig teacher was a nice inclusion. I was wondering how he got two accurate shots off through the bag, which eventually became evident. Clever way to include May. I'm off to the next installment.
Sue
Comment Written 20-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2022
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Thank you for a great review.
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You are welcome. Off to #3 . . .
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#2?
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
Ohmie strikes again. He had a marvelous adventure when he went with his dad, and, boy, did he know how to use that gun. But Ohmie sick is a little scary. Surely the Big C won't end his story.
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2022
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Ohmie strikes again. He had a marvelous adventure when he went with his dad, and, boy, did he know how to use that gun. But Ohmie sick is a little scary. Surely the Big C won't end his story.
Comment Written 06-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2022
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Thank you.
No, there's an Ohmie in every generation.
Comment from Michaela Moore
Because I am so new to you and your Ohmie stories, I was confused about how this was an Ohmie story until the end. Then a bright lightbulb went off. I am beginning to understand Ohmie stories more and more and all that they mean. I loved this story. You have such ease with your writing and storytelling; it is so entertaining but relaxing to read. I am a huge fan of listening to audiobooks, and I would love to hear all Ohmie stories read out loud to me. Boy, would I love that! I especially loved the part about the math teacher. So cheeky! Bravo again! The ending is so touching and surprising. I didn't see that coming.
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2022
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Because I am so new to you and your Ohmie stories, I was confused about how this was an Ohmie story until the end. Then a bright lightbulb went off. I am beginning to understand Ohmie stories more and more and all that they mean. I loved this story. You have such ease with your writing and storytelling; it is so entertaining but relaxing to read. I am a huge fan of listening to audiobooks, and I would love to hear all Ohmie stories read out loud to me. Boy, would I love that! I especially loved the part about the math teacher. So cheeky! Bravo again! The ending is so touching and surprising. I didn't see that coming.
Comment Written 06-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2022
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Bless you. You are so kind.
Thank you.
Comment from GARY MACLEAN
Ohmie can be a little bit of a brat can't he. (You never taught me anything...) Is this secretly a story about Wayne? Is Wayne Ohmie?
Para 2, 12th sentence: Add (of) before (weeks)
Para 16, 3rd sentence: Remove comma after (almost)
2nd to last Para, 4th sentence: SUGGEST (Dad and me) not (Dad and I)
2nd to last Para, 4th sentence: Add comma after (satchel)
I get the hilarity: de plane, de plane! (Fantasy Island)
Geesh Wayne, kinda going to the dark side, aren't you? If the kid in this story is Ohmie (Timothy) I think I like the caveman Ohmie better. But this story had a good, traveling plot, easily followed and kept my interest. Then it led into the smash ending and blood all over the place.
This kid is on dialysis and chemo both? Man, you can be a macabre storyteller can't you.
I really liked it, but don't go tryin' to replace Ohmie with it. Still, on its own, it is a six-star goodie.
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2022
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Ohmie can be a little bit of a brat can't he. (You never taught me anything...) Is this secretly a story about Wayne? Is Wayne Ohmie?
Para 2, 12th sentence: Add (of) before (weeks)
Para 16, 3rd sentence: Remove comma after (almost)
2nd to last Para, 4th sentence: SUGGEST (Dad and me) not (Dad and I)
2nd to last Para, 4th sentence: Add comma after (satchel)
I get the hilarity: de plane, de plane! (Fantasy Island)
Geesh Wayne, kinda going to the dark side, aren't you? If the kid in this story is Ohmie (Timothy) I think I like the caveman Ohmie better. But this story had a good, traveling plot, easily followed and kept my interest. Then it led into the smash ending and blood all over the place.
This kid is on dialysis and chemo both? Man, you can be a macabre storyteller can't you.
I really liked it, but don't go tryin' to replace Ohmie with it. Still, on its own, it is a six-star goodie.
Comment Written 06-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2022
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Thank you! And thank you for the helps and the stars.
I wrote this as a contest entry for 'The Best Time of My Life'. (Ohmie was Sylvester/Sly) Then I thought, AN OHMIE STORY! Bing, bang, boing.
(I have a caveman Ohmie ready)
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OK, good. I'm ready for another Ohmie invention.
Comment from HarlanDrusky
Excellent style and clever ending. Your structure helps us to feel Ohmie's plight with his treatment. I'm speaking of the rhythm. But I only got that after the fact.
Great job.
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2022
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Excellent style and clever ending. Your structure helps us to feel Ohmie's plight with his treatment. I'm speaking of the rhythm. But I only got that after the fact.
Great job.
Comment Written 05-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2022
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Thank you.
Comment from Wendy G
I thoroughly enjoyed this one - and yes, you kept the reveal very well! very humorous re the teacher incident! I suggest "show OFF his child prodigy" not "out". but otherwise excellent. Great read. Now what exactly was his father up to?
Wendy
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2022
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I thoroughly enjoyed this one - and yes, you kept the reveal very well! very humorous re the teacher incident! I suggest "show OFF his child prodigy" not "out". but otherwise excellent. Great read. Now what exactly was his father up to?
Wendy
Comment Written 05-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2022
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In the U.S. South, show-offs show-out all the time.
I have a few more chapters written, but John Le Carre', I am not.
Thank you for the review.
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Is that really an expression you use then? I'm learning new American sayings all the time.
Wendy
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Yes. Every time you would say show-off or showing off.
When you think about it, you have to wonder why 'off' was ever used in the first place. Showing 'on' sounds ridiculous, but makes more sense than 'off'.
