Reviews from

The Best Time of Ohmie's Life

Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "The Best Time of Ohmie's Life"
Dying of cancer, Ohmie learns his parents are spie

12 total reviews 
Comment from amahra
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

I really loved this story. It was very well written and I enjoyed the voice of the kid. You told it so believable. The ending was most surprising. Nothing was predictable. I'm voting in this contest. This story, if people want quality, has a great chance.

 Comment Written 04-Sep-2022


reply by the author on 04-Sep-2022
    Thank you for the very kind words!
Comment from Susan Newell
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Wayne,

This is a slightly different Ohmie. You held my interest from start to finish. The episode with the trig teacher was a nice inclusion. I was wondering how he got two accurate shots off through the bag, which eventually became evident. Clever way to include May. I'm off to the next installment.

Sue

 Comment Written 20-Aug-2022


reply by the author on 20-Aug-2022
    Thank you for a great review.
reply by Susan Newell on 20-Aug-2022
    You are welcome. Off to #3 . . .
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2022
    #2?
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Ohmie strikes again. He had a marvelous adventure when he went with his dad, and, boy, did he know how to use that gun. But Ohmie sick is a little scary. Surely the Big C won't end his story.

 Comment Written 06-Aug-2022


reply by the author on 07-Aug-2022
    Thank you.
    No, there's an Ohmie in every generation.
Comment from Michaela Moore
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Because I am so new to you and your Ohmie stories, I was confused about how this was an Ohmie story until the end. Then a bright lightbulb went off. I am beginning to understand Ohmie stories more and more and all that they mean. I loved this story. You have such ease with your writing and storytelling; it is so entertaining but relaxing to read. I am a huge fan of listening to audiobooks, and I would love to hear all Ohmie stories read out loud to me. Boy, would I love that! I especially loved the part about the math teacher. So cheeky! Bravo again! The ending is so touching and surprising. I didn't see that coming.

 Comment Written 06-Aug-2022


reply by the author on 06-Aug-2022
    Bless you. You are so kind.
    Thank you.
Comment from GARY MACLEAN
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Ohmie can be a little bit of a brat can't he. (You never taught me anything...) Is this secretly a story about Wayne? Is Wayne Ohmie?

Para 2, 12th sentence: Add (of) before (weeks)
Para 16, 3rd sentence: Remove comma after (almost)
2nd to last Para, 4th sentence: SUGGEST (Dad and me) not (Dad and I)
2nd to last Para, 4th sentence: Add comma after (satchel)

I get the hilarity: de plane, de plane! (Fantasy Island)

Geesh Wayne, kinda going to the dark side, aren't you? If the kid in this story is Ohmie (Timothy) I think I like the caveman Ohmie better. But this story had a good, traveling plot, easily followed and kept my interest. Then it led into the smash ending and blood all over the place.

This kid is on dialysis and chemo both? Man, you can be a macabre storyteller can't you.

I really liked it, but don't go tryin' to replace Ohmie with it. Still, on its own, it is a six-star goodie.

 Comment Written 06-Aug-2022


reply by the author on 06-Aug-2022
    Thank you! And thank you for the helps and the stars.
    I wrote this as a contest entry for 'The Best Time of My Life'. (Ohmie was Sylvester/Sly) Then I thought, AN OHMIE STORY! Bing, bang, boing.
    (I have a caveman Ohmie ready)
reply by GARY MACLEAN on 06-Aug-2022
    OK, good. I'm ready for another Ohmie invention.
Comment from HarlanDrusky
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Excellent style and clever ending. Your structure helps us to feel Ohmie's plight with his treatment. I'm speaking of the rhythm. But I only got that after the fact.
Great job.

 Comment Written 05-Aug-2022


reply by the author on 06-Aug-2022
    Thank you.
Comment from Wendy G
Excellent
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I thoroughly enjoyed this one - and yes, you kept the reveal very well! very humorous re the teacher incident! I suggest "show OFF his child prodigy" not "out". but otherwise excellent. Great read. Now what exactly was his father up to?
Wendy

 Comment Written 05-Aug-2022


reply by the author on 06-Aug-2022
    In the U.S. South, show-offs show-out all the time.
    I have a few more chapters written, but John Le Carre', I am not.
    Thank you for the review.
reply by Wendy G on 06-Aug-2022
    Is that really an expression you use then? I'm learning new American sayings all the time.
    Wendy
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2022
    Yes. Every time you would say show-off or showing off.
    When you think about it, you have to wonder why 'off' was ever used in the first place. Showing 'on' sounds ridiculous, but makes more sense than 'off'.
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

I'm not sure where the best time of your life ends and the Ohmie story begins! But that's fiction, right?

Well, now I just have to know what Timothy's dad is and what he's up to. James Bond, indeed!

Nice twist at the end. Followed by another twist:-)

The last line of the first paragraph is a little confusing - you'll never find out what?

my trigonometry teach, (add comma)

Mr. Sanders wanted to show "off", not out.

I personally think you should just mention that you grabbed a Tom Clancy book - without getting into his politics.




 Comment Written 05-Aug-2022


reply by the author on 05-Aug-2022
    Thank you for a very nice review!
    In the South people show out.
reply by Pam Lonsdale on 05-Aug-2022
    I've never heard that before! I've learned something new today.
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Excellent! You have a natural way of talking to the reader. It's almost conversational. And the story weaves it's way into the conversation naturally. Excellent writing - really did not expect it to get so dark! This was very enjoyable.

 Comment Written 05-Aug-2022


reply by the author on 05-Aug-2022
    A very different Ohmie story.
    Thank you for a very nice review.
Comment from Judy Lawless
Excellent
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Well done, Wayne! It certainly was different from the previous ones. It didn't sound like Ohmie and his family at all. I was glad to learn it was a dream, and May is still part of his life. But he's very sick! Thanks for the warning. Sad.

"Mr. Sanders wanted to show out(off) by...)

 Comment Written 05-Aug-2022


reply by the author on 05-Aug-2022
    It's showing out in Arkansas.
    Thank you for the review.
reply by Judy Lawless on 05-Aug-2022
    Ah, okay. You're very welcome. :)