The Tor
Viewing comments for Chapter 39 "The Shuttle Eaves-Dropping"Adventures around & upon a hill
8 total reviews
Comment from dellsworthpoet
A neat transition and it seems the story is drawing to a close.
The flow is good. The language is conversational. The images are clear. The story stays on point. There is finally a calm starting to flow into the ambience of the writing.
Thanks for a good read.
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2022
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A neat transition and it seems the story is drawing to a close.
The flow is good. The language is conversational. The images are clear. The story stays on point. There is finally a calm starting to flow into the ambience of the writing.
Thanks for a good read.
Comment Written 07-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2022
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Thank you for your enthusiastic review. You are right, there is just a balancing of messed up energies.
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You are welcome.
Comment from jessizero
I am glad Madeline made her way back to the correct century. This is well-written, and you've told a good story. Thank you for sharing, and best wishes to you.
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2022
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I am glad Madeline made her way back to the correct century. This is well-written, and you've told a good story. Thank you for sharing, and best wishes to you.
Comment Written 07-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2022
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Thank you for your ever faithful review.
Comment from lyenochka
Whew! So glad that they are all safe and reunited in the current time. My favorite sentence was "There is a hornets' nest buzz of conversation." But did they all time travel or was it only Madeline?
Did you want Cordelia repeating twice in these two quoted passages?
"Madeline, I stepped away for no more than five minutes to check on the status of the shuttle and...you will never believe where I ended up."
followed by:
"Madeline, I've been trying to get your attention for about five minutes.
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2022
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Whew! So glad that they are all safe and reunited in the current time. My favorite sentence was "There is a hornets' nest buzz of conversation." But did they all time travel or was it only Madeline?
Did you want Cordelia repeating twice in these two quoted passages?
"Madeline, I stepped away for no more than five minutes to check on the status of the shuttle and...you will never believe where I ended up."
followed by:
"Madeline, I've been trying to get your attention for about five minutes.
Comment Written 06-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2022
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Thank you for your enthusiastic review. Jay helped me with the many adjustments needed. No that line needed deleting.
Comment from aryr
This was indeed a great continuation chapter, Liz. With Madeline/Samuel's escape in the nick of time, I am so glad she is once again with her friends and Cordelia. I am sure that Sarah will somehow win her battle with Susie regarding the Chalice Well. Madeline certainly does not wish to return to the portal. Very well done and greatly enjoyed.
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2022
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This was indeed a great continuation chapter, Liz. With Madeline/Samuel's escape in the nick of time, I am so glad she is once again with her friends and Cordelia. I am sure that Sarah will somehow win her battle with Susie regarding the Chalice Well. Madeline certainly does not wish to return to the portal. Very well done and greatly enjoyed.
Comment Written 05-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2022
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Thank you for your enthusiastic review. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
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Oh, you are so welcome, Liz. I really enjoyed it. It's always nice to welcome someone home!
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Yes, from such a situation
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So true!
Comment from Judy Lawless
Thank goodness Madeline has returned to the rest of her tour! That was pretty frightening to be awaiting that axe to the head. A very interesting chapter, Liz. Well done.
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2022
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Thank goodness Madeline has returned to the rest of her tour! That was pretty frightening to be awaiting that axe to the head. A very interesting chapter, Liz. Well done.
Comment Written 05-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2022
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Thank you for your enthusiastic review. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
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You're most welcome. :)
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
So, she made it back without getting her head chopped off. I suppose death isn't acceptable even in time travel. But won't the rest of the tour seem rather tame after the monastery? You need a few commas in the line . . . staring(,) holding hands(,) and . . .
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2022
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So, she made it back without getting her head chopped off. I suppose death isn't acceptable even in time travel. But won't the rest of the tour seem rather tame after the monastery? You need a few commas in the line . . . staring(,) holding hands(,) and . . .
Comment Written 04-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2022
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Thank you for your enthusiastic review. I'm glad you enjoyed it. It's almost complete. We went to King Arthur's Castle in reality, but as you say...it would be very anti-climatic.
Comment from Jay Squires
There is so much power driving through your narrative, but I continually find it being interrupted by punctuational problems, unnecessary tense shifts and it can't be looked past as just a distraction. In some of it, there is a confusion of meaning (what may be so clear inside your head, is not being conveyed in your words) An example of that is explained in my first two comments below.
"Madeline, I've been trying to get your attention for about five minutes. [If this is still Cordelia speaking (as she was in the previous paragraph, do not close the quote from the previous paragraph. Just start the quote beginning the next paragraph.]
It is so confusing because she is saying essentially the same thing in the third paragraph as she said in the second paragraph. It is fascinating if she is doing that ... but I don't think I would begin two paragraphs in a row with Madeline's name.]
that once was our home of sorts. [That once WERE our home of sorts. ("Were" agrees with "Walls".) Even though the walls were part of their home, the agreement has to be with what is actually in the sentence, not what is implied.]
I picture our portals pulsing behind us as we leave. [Geez, I love this image!]
She laughed slapping her lap. [You have a problem lapsing into and out of the past tense. You need to establish a tense from the beginning and stick to it.]
anyone be attracted to drinking blood red water? [You need closed quotes here.]
I think the answer was a look of disgust and raspberry of frustration, [I don't understand raspberry in this context. Does it refer to giving someone a "raspberry" by making a rude sound? By the way, I did see the explanation of "raspberry" in the author notes, but the usage in the sentence does not to A raspberry. It might be clarified by adding something like, "Sarah's answer was a look of disgust and THE SOUND OF HER raspberry of frustration." No confusion, no reader disengagement while she/he tries to figure out what you mean.
Overriding all my concerns is a very strong "five stars." Your storyline and theme and your underlying grounding in the occult give this story its multi-dimensionality. I just wish more of what you included in the author's notes were instead in the body of the story. The explanation of the Michael and Mary lines would be so much more effective if a character developed their meaning within the story.
You keep attracting me with every new chapter.
Jay
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2022
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There is so much power driving through your narrative, but I continually find it being interrupted by punctuational problems, unnecessary tense shifts and it can't be looked past as just a distraction. In some of it, there is a confusion of meaning (what may be so clear inside your head, is not being conveyed in your words) An example of that is explained in my first two comments below.
"Madeline, I've been trying to get your attention for about five minutes. [If this is still Cordelia speaking (as she was in the previous paragraph, do not close the quote from the previous paragraph. Just start the quote beginning the next paragraph.]
It is so confusing because she is saying essentially the same thing in the third paragraph as she said in the second paragraph. It is fascinating if she is doing that ... but I don't think I would begin two paragraphs in a row with Madeline's name.]
that once was our home of sorts. [That once WERE our home of sorts. ("Were" agrees with "Walls".) Even though the walls were part of their home, the agreement has to be with what is actually in the sentence, not what is implied.]
I picture our portals pulsing behind us as we leave. [Geez, I love this image!]
She laughed slapping her lap. [You have a problem lapsing into and out of the past tense. You need to establish a tense from the beginning and stick to it.]
anyone be attracted to drinking blood red water? [You need closed quotes here.]
I think the answer was a look of disgust and raspberry of frustration, [I don't understand raspberry in this context. Does it refer to giving someone a "raspberry" by making a rude sound? By the way, I did see the explanation of "raspberry" in the author notes, but the usage in the sentence does not to A raspberry. It might be clarified by adding something like, "Sarah's answer was a look of disgust and THE SOUND OF HER raspberry of frustration." No confusion, no reader disengagement while she/he tries to figure out what you mean.
Overriding all my concerns is a very strong "five stars." Your storyline and theme and your underlying grounding in the occult give this story its multi-dimensionality. I just wish more of what you included in the author's notes were instead in the body of the story. The explanation of the Michael and Mary lines would be so much more effective if a character developed their meaning within the story.
You keep attracting me with every new chapter.
Jay
Comment Written 04-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2022
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Thank you for your wonderful review. Thank you for your observations. This works out well having you be one of the 1st reviewers. I can clean it up for the renewing of it. I give you an acknowledgement.
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I'm glad to be of help, Liz. I've been writing for better than 65 years now, and have learned a thing or two. But I still dread the thought that a writer might think I'm putting myself on a pedestal above the her or him.
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I sent this on another response. What these authors say has a lot that goes along with your review. Their attitude toward each other's writing echos mine toward your guidance.
https://open.spotify.com/episode/0KuAn4WZl1XJ5w8TfsGYFF?si=6nMVP9s2RIiBoY9iUQsaSg&nd=1&fbclid=IwAR2qemmbby-JvChMGRhAMD0_nEvgHRRNizK-mDrRx1V_cWCGaNJXEEhplsQ
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Thank you for including that video. I watched it (I assume Kathleen's not related to you, though O'neal is spelled differently -- never mind that.) Yes, if you and I have the same understanding of helping each other, I won't mention it again. I suspect though, as husband and wife, they spent a lot of time locking horns emotionally, than they let on. I do remember she said she wished she'd learned earlier that it was healthy for him to stay inside the characters and "play God" over them. Again, thanks for going the extra mile with this video.
Jay
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
I am glad that the Samuel/Madeline personality split has been resolved satisfactorily. Life in the Sixteenth centuary was beginning to overshadow the present alarmingly. Kate xx
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2022
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I am glad that the Samuel/Madeline personality split has been resolved satisfactorily. Life in the Sixteenth centuary was beginning to overshadow the present alarmingly. Kate xx
Comment Written 04-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2022
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Thank you for your insightful review. You are so right about the overshadowing.
