Love Can Bite
I Concur...3 total reviews
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
I am befuddled. Other people flaunt their milestone posts and promote them to the hilt. You have hidden yours as far as possible, as though it were a dirty secret. And yet it is a fine poem, the most approachable of yours I have ever read (but I am no poet, and can only go to a minimal depth in interpretation). Until Snidely Whiplash showed his ugly presence I thought you were telling the prequel to your married life. Then I was slapped, and like you suffered from whiplash. But it did make for a more powerful ending. Thanks for this poem. Kate xx
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2022
  |
I am befuddled. Other people flaunt their milestone posts and promote them to the hilt. You have hidden yours as far as possible, as though it were a dirty secret. And yet it is a fine poem, the most approachable of yours I have ever read (but I am no poet, and can only go to a minimal depth in interpretation). Until Snidely Whiplash showed his ugly presence I thought you were telling the prequel to your married life. Then I was slapped, and like you suffered from whiplash. But it did make for a more powerful ending. Thanks for this poem. Kate xx
Comment Written 05-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2022
-
The tone set was purely mine. The gal knew how I felt and never wanted to hurt me. We were only friends, though my intentions was to hold her hand, and dream. As a freshman I was thirteen, graduated at seventeen, and never held a license until senior second semester, with one car in the family, my transportation did not invite dating unless she could thumb a ride with me or sit on my handlebars, and worse she was a year older.
Comment from Susan Newell
What a sad commentary . . . So many years of teased but unrequited love. Your poem is well written and holds the readers interest to the bitter end. Speaking of end, in your last line do you mean "learned?" You also have an "edit leftover" at the bottom that needs to be deleted.
Sue
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2022
|
What a sad commentary . . . So many years of teased but unrequited love. Your poem is well written and holds the readers interest to the bitter end. Speaking of end, in your last line do you mean "learned?" You also have an "edit leftover" at the bottom that needs to be deleted.
Sue
Comment Written 04-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2022
-
Learned would maintain the verb tense and now does. Thanks. Also the trash has been removed. These saves are why I ❤️ You
-
:-D
Comment from Frank Malley
"Love Can Bite" is a catchingly named poem about a failed romantic expectation. Although it has some features of a poem, mainly its use of line length, it seems to me better suited to being a short prose piece. Unfulfilled adolescent projections are as common as adolescents, so the topic is worthy. What might have made it a stronger piece is some physical description of Chris, and something that warned the narrator to be a little wary. I'm rating it as a prose piece with a somewhat tentative excellent. It's important for writers to understand that real life experience can - and should be - modified to make a piece stronger.
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2022
|
"Love Can Bite" is a catchingly named poem about a failed romantic expectation. Although it has some features of a poem, mainly its use of line length, it seems to me better suited to being a short prose piece. Unfulfilled adolescent projections are as common as adolescents, so the topic is worthy. What might have made it a stronger piece is some physical description of Chris, and something that warned the narrator to be a little wary. I'm rating it as a prose piece with a somewhat tentative excellent. It's important for writers to understand that real life experience can - and should be - modified to make a piece stronger.
Comment Written 03-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2022
-
Thank you and let me say when I saw the new contest titled "love bites" I wrote a short story then re-read "Write a poem about love gone wrong or lost love." I immediately said whoa and asked through a thread if I could enter a Short story. No reply came and thus since the story was a true life experience I rewrote it as entered and consider it as written prose. As for pretty it was a short description but many adolescents had similar experiences and doing so could have left them losing their choice back when.
