The Sperm Donor, Susan's Story
Part IV, The conclusion.34 total reviews
Comment from Heidi Tillotson
I find it interesting how the other characters left the lawyer out of the loop. Everything moves in a tight circle. Maybe too tight. The dialogue was good, and the story moved along at a good pace.
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2022
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I find it interesting how the other characters left the lawyer out of the loop. Everything moves in a tight circle. Maybe too tight. The dialogue was good, and the story moved along at a good pace.
Comment Written 06-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2022
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Heidi, thank you for your review! Terry.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
OH!!! I want more! What happened next, will Chet and Sam have a chat, will Chet get some money, will he become Sam's heir? You can't leave us like this, Terry!
This has been such a fantastic story, which could happen. I wish I had a six left! Now, if you told me you are going to write an epilogue, I'll save you one from tomorrows influx! Very well done, I've enjoyed it all! :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2022
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OH!!! I want more! What happened next, will Chet and Sam have a chat, will Chet get some money, will he become Sam's heir? You can't leave us like this, Terry!
This has been such a fantastic story, which could happen. I wish I had a six left! Now, if you told me you are going to write an epilogue, I'll save you one from tomorrows influx! Very well done, I've enjoyed it all! :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 06-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2022
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Sandra, thank you for your great review. An epilogue good idea.Let me think about that. Terry.
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Think quickly! xx
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LOL. I think I want to condense it into one story instead of installments. I have thought about the opening being a flashback to the time Sam made the donation.
The last part would be an epilogue where they discuss the issues you raised and maybe discuss Chet's half-sister. That is my current thinking.
I am delighted you enjoyed it. Terry.
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That would work very well. You have to end it nicely, though, Sam would be a good dad to Chet in the years he has left. xx
Comment from Susan Newell
Terry,
I wish I had a six. This was indeed a surprise twist at the end. But dare I ask, is it really the end? Will Chet get his money? Now that everyone knows will Sam create a father-son bond with Sam? I guess some things have to be left to the reader's individual assumptions. You did a great job with the installments and recaps. If you ever turn it into a single piece, it would be easy to rewrite the intros to avoid the repetitions you don't like. Great, great job!
Sue
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2022
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Terry,
I wish I had a six. This was indeed a surprise twist at the end. But dare I ask, is it really the end? Will Chet get his money? Now that everyone knows will Sam create a father-son bond with Sam? I guess some things have to be left to the reader's individual assumptions. You did a great job with the installments and recaps. If you ever turn it into a single piece, it would be easy to rewrite the intros to avoid the repetitions you don't like. Great, great job!
Sue
Comment Written 06-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2022
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Sue, thank you very much. I am going to turn it into a single piece. When I do that, I am thinking of a bit of a prequel and a little more at the end with Sam and Chet.
Thank you for the suggestion to make a serial. Terry.
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Poifect!
Comment from Wendy G
An excellent story, and very thought-provoking - except I did wonder why he did not recognise his own son as he worked for him and probably looked like him at least in part- yet others made no comments either. Now, what will Sam do for his own son, money-wise? Anyway it was very intriguing, and interesting. I enjoyed the whole series, and each was well-written.
Wendy
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2022
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An excellent story, and very thought-provoking - except I did wonder why he did not recognise his own son as he worked for him and probably looked like him at least in part- yet others made no comments either. Now, what will Sam do for his own son, money-wise? Anyway it was very intriguing, and interesting. I enjoyed the whole series, and each was well-written.
Wendy
Comment Written 06-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2022
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Wendy, thank you reading and reviewing. When I edit the four parts into one longer story, I may address some of those questions you raise. Terry.
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The other thing is that the women in the last story did not keep his privacy at all - they all knew, and then also told the son his identity. Anyway - a very interesting series. Best wishes for the compilation.
Comment from Jay Squires
Wow! Such twists and turns. It was more imaginatively plotted than I would ever have even tried. Yet it is logically linked. My cowboy hat's off to you there, pardner. I only found one area could easily go unnoticed:
Sam's face reddens from embarrassment. [A shift to the present tense.]
But to subtract out that nit from the 7 I'd planned, still gives you a 6.
Jay
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2022
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Wow! Such twists and turns. It was more imaginatively plotted than I would ever have even tried. Yet it is logically linked. My cowboy hat's off to you there, pardner. I only found one area could easily go unnoticed:
Sam's face reddens from embarrassment. [A shift to the present tense.]
But to subtract out that nit from the 7 I'd planned, still gives you a 6.
Jay
Comment Written 05-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2022
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Jay, thank you for the six stars! You are a real jewel! Terry.
Comment from Shirley McLain
I am surprised at the ending, and you did a wonderful job with the entire piece. I didn't see a thing that needs fixed. I hope you have a wonderful night. Shirley
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2022
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I am surprised at the ending, and you did a wonderful job with the entire piece. I didn't see a thing that needs fixed. I hope you have a wonderful night. Shirley
Comment Written 05-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2022
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Shirley, thank you for the review, I am delighted you enjoyed the story. Terry
Comment from Sarah Robin
I enjoyed the four parts. The transitions from one part to another were very good. I was interested in this story as I had friends who used donor sperm. I also liked the ending. The answers were in plain sight!
I enjoyed reading all 4 of the parts. There was a good transition from one part to another. The premise interested me since I had several friends who used donor sperm, I liked the ending. The answers were always in plain sight. It was an easy read and I think most people will enjoy it. Sarah
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2022
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I enjoyed the four parts. The transitions from one part to another were very good. I was interested in this story as I had friends who used donor sperm. I also liked the ending. The answers were in plain sight!
I enjoyed reading all 4 of the parts. There was a good transition from one part to another. The premise interested me since I had several friends who used donor sperm, I liked the ending. The answers were always in plain sight. It was an easy read and I think most people will enjoy it. Sarah
Comment Written 05-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2022
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Sarah, thank you for the wonderful review, Terry
Comment from Debi Pick Marquette
Mr Terry Broxson, I did not in a million years expect that ending! What a shocker! I am impressed my awesome friend, as that was one helluva story. You supplied everything needed for this four part brilliant story. And I couldn't imagine how he would turn out at the end since he did deceive the others, but I guess for generous reasons. However I am always looking for that happy ending and so happy I found it in your story! Thank you Terry for this genius mini series! As Always and as your biggest fan! I loved it!
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2022
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Mr Terry Broxson, I did not in a million years expect that ending! What a shocker! I am impressed my awesome friend, as that was one helluva story. You supplied everything needed for this four part brilliant story. And I couldn't imagine how he would turn out at the end since he did deceive the others, but I guess for generous reasons. However I am always looking for that happy ending and so happy I found it in your story! Thank you Terry for this genius mini series! As Always and as your biggest fan! I loved it!
Comment Written 05-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2022
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Debi, thank you for the six stars!!! What a wonderful review, you are very kind. I am delighted you enjoyed the story. Terry
Comment from WLHall
Surprising twist you have there! I'm glad you are learning from others you admire. You can't get better if you don't get advice. I especially like the comments you made at the end. I don't reach out much for tips because I feel like I may be bothering other writers. I just came back to Fanstory a couple of months ago and posted 2-3 things (3rd place for the 1-6-1 poem. Anyway it seems I can't get going now. Thank you for including your comments. Great job!
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2022
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Surprising twist you have there! I'm glad you are learning from others you admire. You can't get better if you don't get advice. I especially like the comments you made at the end. I don't reach out much for tips because I feel like I may be bothering other writers. I just came back to Fanstory a couple of months ago and posted 2-3 things (3rd place for the 1-6-1 poem. Anyway it seems I can't get going now. Thank you for including your comments. Great job!
Comment Written 05-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2022
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Thank for the wonderful review. And Welcome back. The writers I mentioned were part of a FanStory Interview series I posted recently. If your interested on page two in the portfolio are interviews with a couple of poets, Lyenochka, and RG Star, they are very good. Terry.
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Thank you for the information. I assume it?s in your portfolio?
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Yes it is. You will have to scroll through the stories, but you can see them. Terry
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Thank you!
Comment from Jesse James Doty
Well, this deserves a sixer! I loved reading about the gay couple and their son who remained nameless until the very end. Then, the plot twist as the lead character finds out that his son has been working for him for fifteen years! Loved this story! Well done, my friend! Bravo!
Thanks for the best intrigue and drama this site has known. No kidding! You have improved so much that I can hardly recognize you!
Jesse
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2022
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Well, this deserves a sixer! I loved reading about the gay couple and their son who remained nameless until the very end. Then, the plot twist as the lead character finds out that his son has been working for him for fifteen years! Loved this story! Well done, my friend! Bravo!
Thanks for the best intrigue and drama this site has known. No kidding! You have improved so much that I can hardly recognize you!
Jesse
Comment Written 05-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2022
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Jesse, wow thank you for the six stars!!! I do appreciate your very kind review. Terry.
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Glad I could do it!
Terry, you are improving nonetheless.
Take care, my friend,
Jesse
