Paved in Joy
That path to freedom is paved in joy28 total reviews
Comment from Julia Hefner
Wow!!! That was intense. Really made me think and I had to read it over and over. But in a good way. I appreciated your explanation and was glad to see that I did get the poem! Strong words, vivid descriptions (meat grilling) that will make people think and make people uncomfortable-there is definitely a place for that and a need for that in art! Thank you for taking this subject on.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2022
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Wow!!! That was intense. Really made me think and I had to read it over and over. But in a good way. I appreciated your explanation and was glad to see that I did get the poem! Strong words, vivid descriptions (meat grilling) that will make people think and make people uncomfortable-there is definitely a place for that and a need for that in art! Thank you for taking this subject on.
Comment Written 28-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2022
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Thank you, Julia :-). I'm so glad you liked and connected with it!
Mike (contest over now, so I can finally sign off my replies!)
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
I enjoyed this poem, both for the story and for the interesting rhymes. The incorporation of the acrostic element flowed well and was unforced. The only thing I found a bit sad was that you didn't manage to tailor your rhyme schemes to the stanza distribution. That would have been really cool. Kate xx
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2022
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I enjoyed this poem, both for the story and for the interesting rhymes. The incorporation of the acrostic element flowed well and was unforced. The only thing I found a bit sad was that you didn't manage to tailor your rhyme schemes to the stanza distribution. That would have been really cool. Kate xx
Comment Written 28-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2022
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Thanks so much, Kate :-). I initially wrote it as a double sonnet with an additional final line, and laid out the stanzas according to that, so the rhymes were pattern to stanzas at that point. Unfortunately, that was completely baffling to the first reviewer, who couldn't see the acrostic element because I hadn't ordered the stanzas according to the acrostic words. So I gave in and changed the spacing (and added notes, which I hate doing, but did so here for the same reason). I'm really glad you like it!
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
This was a good entry for the Rhyming Acrostic Contest.
I liked your poem but the rhymes need a little work. However, I'm not an expert.
Goodluck in the contest.
Gypsy
"Poetry heals the wounds inflicted by reason".- Novalis
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2022
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This was a good entry for the Rhyming Acrostic Contest.
I liked your poem but the rhymes need a little work. However, I'm not an expert.
Goodluck in the contest.
Gypsy
"Poetry heals the wounds inflicted by reason".- Novalis
Comment Written 28-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2022
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Thanks, Gypsy :-). I did indeed go for a few near and partial rhymes, but I thought there were still plenty for the contest. I'm glad you liked it.
Comment from GARY MACLEAN
You really chose a long phrase for the acrostic form, but you did it justice.
One suggestion:
1st stanza, 4th line (god's) should be (God's)
I get your meaning and I have to agree with it. There will always be the majority "poor" who will dutifully feed the minority "rich." I don't ever see a way out.
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2022
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You really chose a long phrase for the acrostic form, but you did it justice.
One suggestion:
1st stanza, 4th line (god's) should be (God's)
I get your meaning and I have to agree with it. There will always be the majority "poor" who will dutifully feed the minority "rich." I don't ever see a way out.
Comment Written 28-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2022
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Thanks Gary :-). I used lower case on gods as it's plural to indicate I'm using it to infer humans who act as thought they are gods. So glad you enjoyed this piece.
Comment from the13thpoet
Hello fellow poet. Thank you for sharing your poem, I think you executed well within the rules of the writing prompt. Not just a word or two but a sentence! IMPRESSIVE! Good job and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2022
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Hello fellow poet. Thank you for sharing your poem, I think you executed well within the rules of the writing prompt. Not just a word or two but a sentence! IMPRESSIVE! Good job and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 28-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2022
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Thank you so much! I was really pleased with this one but a couple of early reviews knocked my confidence. Thankfully, it's been more popular after that.
Comment from Bill Schott
This acrostic poem, Paved in Joy, follows the vertical first-letter formatting theme THAT PATH TO FREEDOM IS PAVED WITH JOY and churns the mixture of labor, accomplishment with the reality that some work and some benefit.
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2022
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This acrostic poem, Paved in Joy, follows the vertical first-letter formatting theme THAT PATH TO FREEDOM IS PAVED WITH JOY and churns the mixture of labor, accomplishment with the reality that some work and some benefit.
Comment Written 28-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2022
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Thanks, Bill - so glad you liked it :-)
Comment from dmt1967
This poem says it all. How the workers are repressed by the rich. They do the work and build the roads for the wealthy to use. Good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing. Have a great week.
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2022
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This poem says it all. How the workers are repressed by the rich. They do the work and build the roads for the wealthy to use. Good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing. Have a great week.
Comment Written 28-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2022
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Thank you! I'm really glad you liked it :-)
Comment from lyenochka
Your rhyming acrostic contains a profound and philosophical message. I like how the poem urges reader to use the power within to conquer by choosing joy. Best wishes in the contest!
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2022
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Your rhyming acrostic contains a profound and philosophical message. I like how the poem urges reader to use the power within to conquer by choosing joy. Best wishes in the contest!
Comment Written 28-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2022
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Thank you so much :-). I'm really glad you liked it.
Comment from Jumbo J
Hi Author,
well, no easy feat to construct an acrostic-rhyming poem of length and subject matter such as this.
For me, this a a very clever composed poem with metaphor galore to allow a story to unfold.. maybe some a tad forced in to fill the gaps? Regardless, it read well and got the grey matter working... and yes, demanded of me multiple reads, as if to say... read me, you'll get it in the end.
Thank you for the notes though, they helped immensely.
All the very best in this contest... you put in a lot of time and effort, I hope you are rewarded justly.
With our thoughts we create...
equal billing.
Kind regards,
James.
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2022
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Hi Author,
well, no easy feat to construct an acrostic-rhyming poem of length and subject matter such as this.
For me, this a a very clever composed poem with metaphor galore to allow a story to unfold.. maybe some a tad forced in to fill the gaps? Regardless, it read well and got the grey matter working... and yes, demanded of me multiple reads, as if to say... read me, you'll get it in the end.
Thank you for the notes though, they helped immensely.
All the very best in this contest... you put in a lot of time and effort, I hope you are rewarded justly.
With our thoughts we create...
equal billing.
Kind regards,
James.
Comment Written 27-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2022
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Thanks, James, for sharing your reaction with me. I'm really happy you liked the piece.
Comment from Irish Rain
So very true, the workers seldom enjoy
the fruits of their labors.
But, if they focus on what they DO have, they are
richer than the wealthy.
Loved this,
blessings...
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2022
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So very true, the workers seldom enjoy
the fruits of their labors.
But, if they focus on what they DO have, they are
richer than the wealthy.
Loved this,
blessings...
Comment Written 27-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2022
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Thank you! I'm so glad you liked it :-).
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Have a nice week!!
