When the time comes
Life within death.30 total reviews
Comment from Paul McFarland
Once I saw your video, I had a different feeling about you. I used to be bothered by your poems, but now you still have an effect on me, but it is different. This poem would do well in a slam.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2022
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Once I saw your video, I had a different feeling about you. I used to be bothered by your poems, but now you still have an effect on me, but it is different. This poem would do well in a slam.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2022
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I'm glad the effect is different and I believe you csn see the truth meaning behind my poetry. It's all truth though. Yes this will be perform at the next slam. Looking for the right music to go with this one.
Comment from Anne-Marie brison
Dear author,
Well done on this awesome piece!! Thank you so much for the opportunity to read this!! May God bless you and your family!!
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2022
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Dear author,
Well done on this awesome piece!! Thank you so much for the opportunity to read this!! May God bless you and your family!!
Comment Written 23-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2022
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You welcome.
Comment from nomi338
The idea of peace after death can be inviting. But! You were given life for a reason. You were chosen as a spoke person so you are obligated to speak. Your words will be like a torch, chasing away the darkness of ignorance, Lighting up the night with the light of truth. If you attempt to leave before the job is done, you will be punished. If you damage your gift by the over consumption of harmful substances, your gift will be removed and you will be banished from life, without the promise of future peace. Therefore balance is required. Good write, I enjoyed your poem.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2022
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The idea of peace after death can be inviting. But! You were given life for a reason. You were chosen as a spoke person so you are obligated to speak. Your words will be like a torch, chasing away the darkness of ignorance, Lighting up the night with the light of truth. If you attempt to leave before the job is done, you will be punished. If you damage your gift by the over consumption of harmful substances, your gift will be removed and you will be banished from life, without the promise of future peace. Therefore balance is required. Good write, I enjoyed your poem.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2022
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Thank you. How have you been? Did you get a chance to watch any of my poetry slams from the link I sent you.
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I am well thank you. I did indeed watch one of them and intend to watch others. I already knew going in that you were gifted. Some spoken word artists seem so angry and bitter. I was pleased that your message was not diluted by shouting and posing. Let your words speak clearly and your message will be even louder.
Comment from WriterHeather
An interesting poem with a lot of detail and very well written. If I may...it was Spiderman who saved Mary Jane not superman. Lois lane was his paramour. Thanks so much for sharing.:)
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2022
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An interesting poem with a lot of detail and very well written. If I may...it was Spiderman who saved Mary Jane not superman. Lois lane was his paramour. Thanks so much for sharing.:)
Comment Written 23-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2022
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Yes it was a typo. I made the changes and also added some more lines so superman and Mary Jane will be in it and batman and Bruce Wayne lol. Thanks for your review.
Comment from dragonpoet
Charity,
This rhyming poem has no specific rhyme schem, but could be broken into rhyming couplets. It describes you faith beliefs about the after life. I think most people cry and funerals but find joy for the lost love on later.
I found three errors. It should be my soul and are not is. And Spiderman not Superman saved Mary Jane. I think a braid is plaited not planted.
Keep writing and stay healthy
Joan
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2022
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Charity,
This rhyming poem has no specific rhyme schem, but could be broken into rhyming couplets. It describes you faith beliefs about the after life. I think most people cry and funerals but find joy for the lost love on later.
I found three errors. It should be my soul and are not is. And Spiderman not Superman saved Mary Jane. I think a braid is plaited not planted.
Keep writing and stay healthy
Joan
Comment Written 23-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2022
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The rhyming lines and near rhymes are perfect. Many poets telling me to perform this in my next slam. Thanks for your review though.
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I didn't say there was no rhyme I am saying that there are some groups that are couplets and some groups the rhyme four or five lines in a row.
You're welcome, Charity.
Good luck in the slam if you choose to do it.
Keep writing and stay healthy
Joan
Comment from estory
This is an interesting concept, I liked the strong, unusual imagery in it, very original, and I liked how the emotions came through in the language. It is very poignant, very emotional, to hear someone talking about wanting to escape this life and its struggles and pains. I just wasn't sure about all the lines ending in periods. I think it deadens the rhythm a bit too much. I know it helps creates the downbeat mood you are trying to create here, but I think it might be better imagined with some more flow and drama to it. estory
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2022
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This is an interesting concept, I liked the strong, unusual imagery in it, very original, and I liked how the emotions came through in the language. It is very poignant, very emotional, to hear someone talking about wanting to escape this life and its struggles and pains. I just wasn't sure about all the lines ending in periods. I think it deadens the rhythm a bit too much. I know it helps creates the downbeat mood you are trying to create here, but I think it might be better imagined with some more flow and drama to it. estory
Comment Written 23-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2022
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Thank you for your feedback.
Comment from Terry Broxson
This is a well-written poem. While some might think you have a death wish, I looked at it a little differently. The key word is the first word in the title, When. I read it as accepting death. That is a big difference. Very well done. Terry.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2022
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This is a well-written poem. While some might think you have a death wish, I looked at it a little differently. The key word is the first word in the title, When. I read it as accepting death. That is a big difference. Very well done. Terry.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2022
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Yes it's a poem to give hope to those struggling between living or dying and peace to those who are actually dying of terminal illness and etc.
Comment from K.L. Rockquemore
This is a strong verse with a powerful message, one that I hope your readers will receive.
I appreciate the presentation as the artwork mirrors the sentiment left.
The rhymes work well and create a metre that flows like water.
Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2022
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This is a strong verse with a powerful message, one that I hope your readers will receive.
I appreciate the presentation as the artwork mirrors the sentiment left.
The rhymes work well and create a metre that flows like water.
Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2022
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I appreciate your honest review.
Comment from rspoet
Hello Charity,
You have power in your words that touch on pain and hope.
There is comfort in the thought that there is life in death
and that life will be better, but why must we wait.
There should be greener grass here and the time is now.
Well said.
Best wishes.
Robert
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2022
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Hello Charity,
You have power in your words that touch on pain and hope.
There is comfort in the thought that there is life in death
and that life will be better, but why must we wait.
There should be greener grass here and the time is now.
Well said.
Best wishes.
Robert
Comment Written 23-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2022
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Thats my goal. Thank you.
Comment from Jumbo J
Hi Charity,
the things our mind play for us to tune into... thoughts of things maybe not wished to be scrutinised by most, but reality is just what it is.
It's not all nice and rosy for everyone all the time... life may not be to some as it is for others. Yet life, and all it holds is something truly special in all facets of humanity.
Even the bad allows good, as good can sometimes be a close companion of bad... all hold truly inspiring experiences if one chooses to dissect the meaning and learning to each experience.
I've read your work before and applaud the 'you' in all I read. Is it perfect and tied up in a pretty bow? Hell no! Never is... is it perfect in meter and flow? No, it's not... but what it is, is a one of style that belongs to its creator exclusively. A story that has is own tune.
It's hard-hitting-gritty powerful truth, that's not flossed over, not blooming in flowers and butterflies... and to deny it would only disrespect its author.
But also let me say... would someone who had so much to give to those in need through their style of connection, do service to herself through leaving this earth as an escape?
We live through suffering and through that we grow... scared-battered, weary... but as the great Lou Gehrig said...
Pain and suffering is inevitable, misery is optional~~
Choice is all ours to how we use our wisdom and growth... do we use what we've been given and play our knowledge forward for an easier path for others through connection and the medium of one's art? Or do we waste our experiences to float as dust in the next westerly wind to blow through?
I say... let your voice ring out on the streets and to ever listens and get your truth, may they be as impressed through you art as I am.
Again, maybe this write is pretty dark... Sylvia Plath made her dark, a legendary status of art... now I'm not comparing you to Sylvia, because she is she and you are you... individuals who say it as it is birthed... left to stain the page with the blood it took to create.
I give this a gritty six stars... not because it hits melody, meter, rhyme... but because it is a different that should have its dues... a one of on this site, and that should be applauded with the truth, no platitudes, nor pity upon its subject matter.
Some of us fly, some of us crawl... some to scared to walk their own path, or to take chances and back themselves when things don't look so bright... I see your strength and power. I've seen it on youtube, slamming the hell out of it... be you, be great!
With our thoughts we create...
our purpose.
Kind regards,
James.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2022
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Hi Charity,
the things our mind play for us to tune into... thoughts of things maybe not wished to be scrutinised by most, but reality is just what it is.
It's not all nice and rosy for everyone all the time... life may not be to some as it is for others. Yet life, and all it holds is something truly special in all facets of humanity.
Even the bad allows good, as good can sometimes be a close companion of bad... all hold truly inspiring experiences if one chooses to dissect the meaning and learning to each experience.
I've read your work before and applaud the 'you' in all I read. Is it perfect and tied up in a pretty bow? Hell no! Never is... is it perfect in meter and flow? No, it's not... but what it is, is a one of style that belongs to its creator exclusively. A story that has is own tune.
It's hard-hitting-gritty powerful truth, that's not flossed over, not blooming in flowers and butterflies... and to deny it would only disrespect its author.
But also let me say... would someone who had so much to give to those in need through their style of connection, do service to herself through leaving this earth as an escape?
We live through suffering and through that we grow... scared-battered, weary... but as the great Lou Gehrig said...
Pain and suffering is inevitable, misery is optional~~
Choice is all ours to how we use our wisdom and growth... do we use what we've been given and play our knowledge forward for an easier path for others through connection and the medium of one's art? Or do we waste our experiences to float as dust in the next westerly wind to blow through?
I say... let your voice ring out on the streets and to ever listens and get your truth, may they be as impressed through you art as I am.
Again, maybe this write is pretty dark... Sylvia Plath made her dark, a legendary status of art... now I'm not comparing you to Sylvia, because she is she and you are you... individuals who say it as it is birthed... left to stain the page with the blood it took to create.
I give this a gritty six stars... not because it hits melody, meter, rhyme... but because it is a different that should have its dues... a one of on this site, and that should be applauded with the truth, no platitudes, nor pity upon its subject matter.
Some of us fly, some of us crawl... some to scared to walk their own path, or to take chances and back themselves when things don't look so bright... I see your strength and power. I've seen it on youtube, slamming the hell out of it... be you, be great!
With our thoughts we create...
our purpose.
Kind regards,
James.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2022
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Thanks for your detailed and awesome review. Poetic voice of the streets will never die.
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So happy to hear that Charity.
Slam the slammers!
Kind regards.
