Eternal Battles
Each season has to fight for supremacy.7 total reviews
Comment from Jesse James Doty
The seasons battling with each other? What sort of nonsense is this? I read for a while and got your drift and then skimmed down to the end to let you know that I think you have no idea what you are writing about!
I have never read such malarkey!
Anyway, I saw no mistakes or typos so I gave you a fiver for having the gall to write this.
Jesse
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2022
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The seasons battling with each other? What sort of nonsense is this? I read for a while and got your drift and then skimmed down to the end to let you know that I think you have no idea what you are writing about!
I have never read such malarkey!
Anyway, I saw no mistakes or typos so I gave you a fiver for having the gall to write this.
Jesse
Comment Written 17-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2022
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Grin. Thanks for reading my malarky!
Comment from royowen
I like the way you've personified the seasons, and in this case made winter the spokesperson for the other seasons, it sparked a poem from me. The day and night give us a perspective on darkness and light, truth and lies, summer and winter, cold and heat, then we have, new birth and death, the fallowness of winter, the death in autumn, nature rests in winter and is reborn in spring, all sorts of wonderful metaphors in life. It's children that glory in all seasons. Well done, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2022
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I like the way you've personified the seasons, and in this case made winter the spokesperson for the other seasons, it sparked a poem from me. The day and night give us a perspective on darkness and light, truth and lies, summer and winter, cold and heat, then we have, new birth and death, the fallowness of winter, the death in autumn, nature rests in winter and is reborn in spring, all sorts of wonderful metaphors in life. It's children that glory in all seasons. Well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 15-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2022
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Thank you. I'm glad it made a spark!
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Bless you
Comment from Jay Squires
This was a joy to read. Your personification was stunning and consistent throughout. I'm probably one of the few who didn't read the title and subtitle before digging into the text. Usually, I do. I must say, though, that I rather enjoyed the momentary confusion because it led me to the delight of discovery when it finally dawned on me that this wasn't really a flesh-and-blood person living in the ice-house. So ... huge kudos for your magical performance. But looking back on it, I wonder if maybe you could have been a tad more indirect and elusive in your title and subtitle. Something to thnk about anyway.
You make it very difficult to read critically. I found only two tiny nits in one sentence, and recorded them before being swept away by the magical tour-de-force. Here it is:
Plants begin to flower, the rivers ice melt, [ ... the rivers(') ice melt (s)]
Once again ... a true delight!!
Jay
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2022
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This was a joy to read. Your personification was stunning and consistent throughout. I'm probably one of the few who didn't read the title and subtitle before digging into the text. Usually, I do. I must say, though, that I rather enjoyed the momentary confusion because it led me to the delight of discovery when it finally dawned on me that this wasn't really a flesh-and-blood person living in the ice-house. So ... huge kudos for your magical performance. But looking back on it, I wonder if maybe you could have been a tad more indirect and elusive in your title and subtitle. Something to thnk about anyway.
You make it very difficult to read critically. I found only two tiny nits in one sentence, and recorded them before being swept away by the magical tour-de-force. Here it is:
Plants begin to flower, the rivers ice melt, [ ... the rivers(') ice melt (s)]
Once again ... a true delight!!
Jay
Comment Written 15-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2022
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Thank you, Jay. I appreciate your review and finding that pesky nit!
Comment from Erika Seshadri
This is so creative and well-written. You use beautiful language and unique phrasing throughout. Very nicely done.
I look forward to reading more of your work.
Take care,
Erika
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2022
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This is so creative and well-written. You use beautiful language and unique phrasing throughout. Very nicely done.
I look forward to reading more of your work.
Take care,
Erika
Comment Written 15-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2022
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Thank you, Erika! I appreciate the review and that illusive and exquisite sixth star!
Comment from Liz O'Neill
Your mysterious setting will draw the reader in: "It's made of my own ice. It remains cold enough to cool the heat of my emotions on long dark nights." This whole account is a giant wonderful metaphor. I like the use of personification too. This is excellent A+
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2022
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Your mysterious setting will draw the reader in: "It's made of my own ice. It remains cold enough to cool the heat of my emotions on long dark nights." This whole account is a giant wonderful metaphor. I like the use of personification too. This is excellent A+
Comment Written 15-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2022
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Thank you so very much, Liz. This means a lot to me.
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It is stunning. Stuff like that makes me want to ask, "how do you come up with this stuff???
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Thanks, Liz. I have a strange imagination... I think it sees nature personified as a reality!
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Cool...that's what makes you such a good writer. Have you discovered Jay Squires on here. He write a series of screen plays about Miss Fanny Barnwarmer. It reminded me of your regional dialect stuff I love that you do. She talkin' with a reporter 'bout som incident thet heppened when she wus jus a little thing. Each chapter is short. I know you'll love it & it might give you sum insprashun te write sumptim like it.
Comment from dellsworthpoet
A very nice personification. It almost becomes a mythology tale. The flow is good. The images are clear. The progression is well thought out. The end is a nice wrap up.
Thanks for a good read.
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2022
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A very nice personification. It almost becomes a mythology tale. The flow is good. The images are clear. The progression is well thought out. The end is a nice wrap up.
Thanks for a good read.
Comment Written 15-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2022
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Thank you very much.
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You are welcome.
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
You have some wonderful imagery and desciption in this piece, of a rare quality. However, I think you could improve it even further by careful revision (and it deserves this):
Go for powerful verbs. Eliminate weak or imprecise ones.
Go for direct run of phrase.
Kate xx
Potential SPAGs and flaws for your consideration:
need calling > redundant. Delete one.
ages-old > age-old
combat handed to us > strange construction. What does a general do? perhaps DIRECTS a battle (doubless there are better ones)
as she weaves her crazy quilt to keep Mother Earth warm as > repetition of as = weak ? while for one
a battle in Vermont that is especially epic > an epic battle in Vermont
finally get > get is a weak, imprecise word . Avoid except in conversation. Here use ? persuade
her leaves > autumnal / the leaves
I get my magic built up enough > I build my magic up enough
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2022
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You have some wonderful imagery and desciption in this piece, of a rare quality. However, I think you could improve it even further by careful revision (and it deserves this):
Go for powerful verbs. Eliminate weak or imprecise ones.
Go for direct run of phrase.
Kate xx
Potential SPAGs and flaws for your consideration:
need calling > redundant. Delete one.
ages-old > age-old
combat handed to us > strange construction. What does a general do? perhaps DIRECTS a battle (doubless there are better ones)
as she weaves her crazy quilt to keep Mother Earth warm as > repetition of as = weak ? while for one
a battle in Vermont that is especially epic > an epic battle in Vermont
finally get > get is a weak, imprecise word . Avoid except in conversation. Here use ? persuade
her leaves > autumnal / the leaves
I get my magic built up enough > I build my magic up enough
Comment Written 15-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2022
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Thank you so much for this useful review! I'll be looking to make changes!
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oops should have written direct turn of phrase (sorry, I'm dyslexic, and sometimes concentration slips)
