Two Strangers
An Empat Empat poem24 total reviews
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You did an excellent job with your club response, Yvonne. I enjoyed
reading it. First of all, the picture is awesome and so perfect for your
well thought out words. Your repeated line fits in seamlessly wherever
it appears in subsequent verses. The rhyme scheme was adhered to.
What stands out to me, though, is the story. Your personification of
the sun and moon worked perfectly. I could see and 'hear' their story
as I read. This poem would make a great picture book for young kids
or an article in a kid-friendly magazine. I believe they would enjoy
the 'struggle; between the sun and moon. Your nature poems are
always a pleasure to read.
Thanks for participating, Jan
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2022
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You did an excellent job with your club response, Yvonne. I enjoyed
reading it. First of all, the picture is awesome and so perfect for your
well thought out words. Your repeated line fits in seamlessly wherever
it appears in subsequent verses. The rhyme scheme was adhered to.
What stands out to me, though, is the story. Your personification of
the sun and moon worked perfectly. I could see and 'hear' their story
as I read. This poem would make a great picture book for young kids
or an article in a kid-friendly magazine. I believe they would enjoy
the 'struggle; between the sun and moon. Your nature poems are
always a pleasure to read.
Thanks for participating, Jan
Comment Written 15-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2022
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Thank you so much!!!!!
Comment from Pantygynt
I was intrigued to read that this form originated like the pantoum in Malaya. The Malay language has no plural and when one is needed the word is simply repeated. In the written language a small 2 is underscored or overscored - I can't remember which - following the word to be pluralised. Google translate gives the meaning of 'empat' as 'four' so the English name of the form would be 'Fours', which makes sense as we have four stanzas of four lines each.
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2022
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I was intrigued to read that this form originated like the pantoum in Malaya. The Malay language has no plural and when one is needed the word is simply repeated. In the written language a small 2 is underscored or overscored - I can't remember which - following the word to be pluralised. Google translate gives the meaning of 'empat' as 'four' so the English name of the form would be 'Fours', which makes sense as we have four stanzas of four lines each.
Comment Written 15-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2022
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Thanks for reviewing.
Comment from Fleedleflump
This is a brilliant idea for this format because the descending refrain is like the moon or sun, setting through the course of the poem. I love that they each cast their own scene, and remain ignorant of one another. There is much in life that could be reflected by this!
Mike
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reply by the author on 15-Jul-2022
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This is a brilliant idea for this format because the descending refrain is like the moon or sun, setting through the course of the poem. I love that they each cast their own scene, and remain ignorant of one another. There is much in life that could be reflected by this!
Mike
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2022
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Thank you for a lovely review. I'm so glad you like it.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this cute club entry. I never thought of those two strangers meeting in the sky, but yes. Although each has their own jobs and complement each other, they never meet.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2022
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Thank you for sharing this cute club entry. I never thought of those two strangers meeting in the sky, but yes. Although each has their own jobs and complement each other, they never meet.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2022
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Thank for a great review.
