Goodbye Mum
A harrowing experience. (757 words)13 total reviews
Comment from joann r romei
This was a heartwretching story, I felt the pain in every word, is your brother ok now? I hope so. Luckily you had your father and he had you. God bless you with the strength you deserve.
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This was a heartwretching story, I felt the pain in every word, is your brother ok now? I hope so. Luckily you had your father and he had you. God bless you with the strength you deserve.
Comment Written 27-Jul-2022
Comment from lyenochka
Although I knew your story, I loved the way you retold it here with the shock of the revelation and the revelation thirty years later of the true mother who was gone too soon. Very moving!
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Although I knew your story, I loved the way you retold it here with the shock of the revelation and the revelation thirty years later of the true mother who was gone too soon. Very moving!
Comment Written 21-Jul-2022
Comment from Sandra Nelms-Ludwig
Beautifully, written and heartfelt story by anyone reading it, I am sorry for your loss of your Mum at such a pivotal age. This story deserves the harrowing experience win. I hope you have photos and other mementoes to have in her memory. Blessings to you!
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Beautifully, written and heartfelt story by anyone reading it, I am sorry for your loss of your Mum at such a pivotal age. This story deserves the harrowing experience win. I hope you have photos and other mementoes to have in her memory. Blessings to you!
Comment Written 20-Jul-2022
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
No one can replace the mum that put the plaster on a grazed knee, kissed a hurt finger better, tucked you in at night. A birth mother is not the one who loved you and brought you up. I don't think your birth mother should have said that to you. I'm sorry you lost your mum at that tender age. Good luck in the contest, this really was a harrowing experience. Love and hugs, Sandra xx
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No one can replace the mum that put the plaster on a grazed knee, kissed a hurt finger better, tucked you in at night. A birth mother is not the one who loved you and brought you up. I don't think your birth mother should have said that to you. I'm sorry you lost your mum at that tender age. Good luck in the contest, this really was a harrowing experience. Love and hugs, Sandra xx
Comment Written 18-Jul-2022
Comment from Wendy G
You are so right about this being a harrowing experience! And extremely moving. What a dreadful thing for a young teenager to have to work through - not only the shock and distress of your mother's death, but the change in your father, and your brother heading in the wrong direction. I am glad however that you were able to draw very close again to your father. Your birth mother was quite insensitive in her insistence upon being called "Mother" - a bit ironic really! You've crafted your story with care and great skill. Sending best wishes for the contest - I am sure it will do well.
Wendy
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You are so right about this being a harrowing experience! And extremely moving. What a dreadful thing for a young teenager to have to work through - not only the shock and distress of your mother's death, but the change in your father, and your brother heading in the wrong direction. I am glad however that you were able to draw very close again to your father. Your birth mother was quite insensitive in her insistence upon being called "Mother" - a bit ironic really! You've crafted your story with care and great skill. Sending best wishes for the contest - I am sure it will do well.
Wendy
Comment Written 13-Jul-2022
Comment from LJbutterfly
Even though the title alerts the reader as to what the story is going to be about, and even though you awakened feeling something was wrong, it is still interesting, based on the clear and mysterious way the story is written.
"Get back into bed and stay there!" is an unexpected but realistic reaction. The events of the story are sad, but the telling of the story is engaging. Best wishes in the contest.
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Even though the title alerts the reader as to what the story is going to be about, and even though you awakened feeling something was wrong, it is still interesting, based on the clear and mysterious way the story is written.
"Get back into bed and stay there!" is an unexpected but realistic reaction. The events of the story are sad, but the telling of the story is engaging. Best wishes in the contest.
Comment Written 12-Jul-2022
Comment from jessizero
This was quite a story. I am sorry for your loss, though I realize it was a while back. I can see where your adoptive mother was your real mother. Thank you for sharing your touching story here. Best wishes to you.
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This was quite a story. I am sorry for your loss, though I realize it was a while back. I can see where your adoptive mother was your real mother. Thank you for sharing your touching story here. Best wishes to you.
Comment Written 12-Jul-2022
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
This is a tragic loss at any age, but as a teenager who still needs the care and advice of a loving mom it's even more tragic. I had a mother and step-mother also, and my step-mother was the saving grace of my life, so I understand your last sentence.
This is an engaging story and your emotion is shared through your words. My only advice would be to go back to the paragraph on the athletics championship and lean it down - it doesn't need to be more than a couple of sentences and it steals from the main story that you are trying to tell. As it's not important, except in passing as the reason you might be imagining things, it would add more impact to your story if it's pared down.
Otherwise, a truly harrowing experience - thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2022
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This is a tragic loss at any age, but as a teenager who still needs the care and advice of a loving mom it's even more tragic. I had a mother and step-mother also, and my step-mother was the saving grace of my life, so I understand your last sentence.
This is an engaging story and your emotion is shared through your words. My only advice would be to go back to the paragraph on the athletics championship and lean it down - it doesn't need to be more than a couple of sentences and it steals from the main story that you are trying to tell. As it's not important, except in passing as the reason you might be imagining things, it would add more impact to your story if it's pared down.
Otherwise, a truly harrowing experience - thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 12-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2022
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Thanks for your empathetic and supportive comments. Regarding the paragraph on my athletics involvement, I feel it is important to the story because it shows Mum and Dad's involvement as a team to support both my brother and myself in our activities, and also introduces the people that I had to phone later to say I wouldn't be going, as one of the tasks I did.... so I do feel it conveys more information than merely providing a reason for why I might be imagining things. I wanted to provide more backstory that just describing a sudden death.
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Only the author knows how best to convey the WHOLE story. Good luck in the contest.
Comment from Cindy Decker 2
Lisa,
It took tremendous strength for you to recount this tragedy.
My mom meant the world to me. In a way, I felt your grief.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
You sad and poignant story has more than one theme; the one I like best, is that you stayed loyal to your adoptive mom. You loved her and were grateful for her.
Your story is exceptional, Lisa. I am sorry I'm out of 6 stars.
Good luck with this one!!
Blessings,
Cindy
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2022
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Lisa,
It took tremendous strength for you to recount this tragedy.
My mom meant the world to me. In a way, I felt your grief.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
You sad and poignant story has more than one theme; the one I like best, is that you stayed loyal to your adoptive mom. You loved her and were grateful for her.
Your story is exceptional, Lisa. I am sorry I'm out of 6 stars.
Good luck with this one!!
Blessings,
Cindy
Comment Written 12-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2022
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Thanks for the empathy of your comments, Cindy. It was over 50 years ago that Mum died, and my birth mother is dead now as well. Ancient history, but it still tugs my heart... I will never forget that awful morning in 1969.
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
This must have been awful for you. Awful at the time, awful having to wait so long for grief to run its course (it is true that grief has no timetable, but 30 years of tears building up is an extremely long time), and awful that your birth mother seemed so insensitive. Well-written. Kate xx
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This must have been awful for you. Awful at the time, awful having to wait so long for grief to run its course (it is true that grief has no timetable, but 30 years of tears building up is an extremely long time), and awful that your birth mother seemed so insensitive. Well-written. Kate xx
Comment Written 12-Jul-2022
