First Day
A tiny story with a moral.10 total reviews
Comment from Sandra Nelms-Ludwig
It's a cute short, short story. However, it seems so complete. The font size is ideal for easy reading. The visual is adorable. Curious, why does the child refer to herself as a slug? It would make more sense to me that the issue of race which will follow her throughout her life be dealt with straightforward. The question could be asked~"I'm the only brown child at my school." "No worry we will be there." said her brothers. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2022
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It's a cute short, short story. However, it seems so complete. The font size is ideal for easy reading. The visual is adorable. Curious, why does the child refer to herself as a slug? It would make more sense to me that the issue of race which will follow her throughout her life be dealt with straightforward. The question could be asked~"I'm the only brown child at my school." "No worry we will be there." said her brothers. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 13-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2022
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It's just a little story for children, a metaphor. It could also have been the other way around.
I think a long time ago I wrote one about a purple snail that nobody liked because of her colour even though she was prettier than all the other brownish snails.
The picture is misleading, I know, but if I had chosen a picture of a slug and a snail the surprise ending would have been spoiled.
Thanks so much for reading.
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The picture is indeed misleading. Maybe one of a school would be better. You are welcome.
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You're probably right. But I never ever meant to be racist. Quite the opposite.
xxx
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I don't think that was your intent.
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Glad to hear that.
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However, I would change the visual so there would absolutely not be any misunderstanding.
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Done!
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Your heart is in the right place.
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That's a great compliment.xx
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Deserved!
Comment from evilynne
THAT IS A cute contest entry. The concern regarding being different is certainly valid. Your author's note is of interest; the picture is a good compliment to the story. Best of luck in the contest. Evi
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2022
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THAT IS A cute contest entry. The concern regarding being different is certainly valid. Your author's note is of interest; the picture is a good compliment to the story. Best of luck in the contest. Evi
Comment Written 13-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2022
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Thanks so much for this kind review. Best.
Comment from Bill Schott
This fifty-word flash fiction story, First Day, has the required word count and tackles the issue of not only being different from others, but feeling that way as well. The slug versus snail metaphor suggests then similarity along with the missing protection. Interesting.
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2022
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This fifty-word flash fiction story, First Day, has the required word count and tackles the issue of not only being different from others, but feeling that way as well. The slug versus snail metaphor suggests then similarity along with the missing protection. Interesting.
Comment Written 13-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2022
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Thanks for reading and sharing your opinion.
Have a nice day.
Comment from Rachelle Allen
Poor Sally! She'll have to learn to learn to adapt, toughen up, get a bit of a hard shell...oh, wait...
Very cute mislead (the picture made me think I was reading a true story, you little tricker...). If expanded, it has the potential for a really good children's book!!
Good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2022
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Poor Sally! She'll have to learn to learn to adapt, toughen up, get a bit of a hard shell...oh, wait...
Very cute mislead (the picture made me think I was reading a true story, you little tricker...). If expanded, it has the potential for a really good children's book!!
Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 13-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2022
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Thanks so much for reading, Rachelle. I like surprise endings in flash fiction. If the picture was more 'appropriate', I'd have spoiled that.
I love your review. You made me smile.
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No, no; the picture was PERFECT, actually! You played your hand exactly right!
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LOL. Thanks again.
Comment from Goodadvicechan
I like the picture. The kids are so happy.
From your story, the adopted girl is liked by her brothers. Children are the best. They have no discrimination. They treat everyone equally.
Thanks for sharing this.
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2022
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I like the picture. The kids are so happy.
From your story, the adopted girl is liked by her brothers. Children are the best. They have no discrimination. They treat everyone equally.
Thanks for sharing this.
Comment Written 12-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2022
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Thank YOU for reading it and sharing your opinion with me.
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
This is an excellent flash story. Not only does it correspond to all the dictates of the genre, but it gives considerable pause for thought concerning an important current problem. Well done Kate xx
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2022
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This is an excellent flash story. Not only does it correspond to all the dictates of the genre, but it gives considerable pause for thought concerning an important current problem. Well done Kate xx
Comment Written 12-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2022
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Thank you. Your review is very kind.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
I think you get the idea and concept over pretty well in this short piece.
'Will the other kids make fun of me because I'm adopted?- need closing speech marks here.
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2022
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Hi there,
I think you get the idea and concept over pretty well in this short piece.
'Will the other kids make fun of me because I'm adopted?- need closing speech marks here.
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 12-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2022
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Thanks so much for your review and for noticing the typo. I'll fix it right now.
Comment from Fleedleflump
I think people - especially children - will latch onto an obvious difference when attacking or defending. I was bullied because I was very tall and my hair was unruly. A friend was bullied because he wore glasses, and that was uncommon in his class. Public figures here in the UK have been picked on for being 'not black enough' in the eyes of the public. In the school where my wife works, white children are routinely bullied because there aren't many of them. I suppose it comes down to where we drawn lines of definition - is it racism if it's just picking a visual aspect to taunt with (similar to glasses or hair) for no purpose beyond taunting somebody, or does there need to be some quantitative discrimination in order to be considered racism - ie treating somebody differently because of their culture? I have no answers, of course - you just sent me on a thought journey :-)
I very much enjoyed your thought-provoking piece.
Mike
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2022
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I think people - especially children - will latch onto an obvious difference when attacking or defending. I was bullied because I was very tall and my hair was unruly. A friend was bullied because he wore glasses, and that was uncommon in his class. Public figures here in the UK have been picked on for being 'not black enough' in the eyes of the public. In the school where my wife works, white children are routinely bullied because there aren't many of them. I suppose it comes down to where we drawn lines of definition - is it racism if it's just picking a visual aspect to taunt with (similar to glasses or hair) for no purpose beyond taunting somebody, or does there need to be some quantitative discrimination in order to be considered racism - ie treating somebody differently because of their culture? I have no answers, of course - you just sent me on a thought journey :-)
I very much enjoyed your thought-provoking piece.
Mike
Comment Written 12-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2022
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It is a complex subject and one that saddens me.
I have Nigerian friends who say there are people who only want to befriend them to be able to show off (as if having a black friend made them better).
I'm a teacher, like your wife, and even though in this school I don't have too many foreign students, I love it when I do because I can learn from them.
I was also bullied when I was fifteen and I think it changed my life. It has made me more empathetic, but also less confident.
My youngest son was also bullied because he was plump when he was little. They used to call him meatball. Now he's short for his age, but extremely thin. He plays basketball, lifts weights and will never ever eat a sweet. Which worries me a little bit, if you know what I mean.
Thanks so much for your review. It's been a pleasure to read it, you've made me think as well.
Comment from lyenochka
Well, that picture wasn't what I was expecting when I read the last line. I guess that could be a way for children to understand the differences. Physical differences can cause children to tease someone, but I have seen children who don't notices such differences at all. It all varies.
Best wishes in the contest!
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2022
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Well, that picture wasn't what I was expecting when I read the last line. I guess that could be a way for children to understand the differences. Physical differences can cause children to tease someone, but I have seen children who don't notices such differences at all. It all varies.
Best wishes in the contest!
Comment Written 12-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2022
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Depends on how they are brought up as well. Or what they are used to. We go to a Catholic church in which there are parishioners from many different countries. Most of us are white, but there are also lots of Nigerians and Filipinos.
When my daughter was little she wasn't used to seeing black people (it was a couple of years before we started going to this church) and one day at the supermarket, we went past a black man and she pointed at him and said, 'Look, Mummy, Michael Jordan!' Luckily, the man thought her remark was very funny.
My youngest son, however, has grown up surrounded by Nigerian kids and has never seen the difference. I have a lovely picture of him and a black friend dressed as angels for the Christmas pageant that speaks volumes.
Thanks for reading.
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So glad you son experienced such a multicultural environment. Wish all kids could have that.
Comment from Wendy G
A necessary theme to explore - how to explain racism. People do fear what they don't know, yes, but it is often reinforced by older people who should know better. Very young children are usually very tolerant and accepting until they learn to be otherwise. best wishes for your thoughtful nd thought-provoking entry.
Wendy
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2022
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A necessary theme to explore - how to explain racism. People do fear what they don't know, yes, but it is often reinforced by older people who should know better. Very young children are usually very tolerant and accepting until they learn to be otherwise. best wishes for your thoughtful nd thought-provoking entry.
Wendy
Comment Written 11-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2022
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I do so agree. My children have lived in a multiracial environment ever since they were little and have grown into respectful, kind adults. They only see humans, not colours.
Thanks for reading.
