Contest Collage
Viewing comments for Chapter 47 "cumulus clouds - haiku"keep your hope alive....
54 total reviews
Comment from Frank Malley
Haiku can be designed with different syllable formats. The 17 syllable seems the most used, but in "Cumulus Clouds," Shelley Kaye uses a 3-line form using 4, 5, and 4 syllables. I'm no expert on haiku, but I have few comments mainly having to do with the sound of her word choices; my suggestions reflect my own preferences for sounds and are not the basis for the excellent review I give this poem.
Line 1 sets the topic; it's fine.
For line 2, I like 'Float 'tween Earth and Sun.' However, it uses an apostrophe, which may be discouraged by haiku form. I liked 'Floats 'tween Earth and her star' even more, but it's six syllables. 'Glides beneath Earth's star' again has an apostrophe. Nothing I found was just right.
I feel that neither pronunciation of 'respite' works well, and besides the word has an academic ring to it that introduces cleverness in a poem that reveres nature. 'Shady haven,' perhaps, or Shady sanctum.'
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2022
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Haiku can be designed with different syllable formats. The 17 syllable seems the most used, but in "Cumulus Clouds," Shelley Kaye uses a 3-line form using 4, 5, and 4 syllables. I'm no expert on haiku, but I have few comments mainly having to do with the sound of her word choices; my suggestions reflect my own preferences for sounds and are not the basis for the excellent review I give this poem.
Line 1 sets the topic; it's fine.
For line 2, I like 'Float 'tween Earth and Sun.' However, it uses an apostrophe, which may be discouraged by haiku form. I liked 'Floats 'tween Earth and her star' even more, but it's six syllables. 'Glides beneath Earth's star' again has an apostrophe. Nothing I found was just right.
I feel that neither pronunciation of 'respite' works well, and besides the word has an academic ring to it that introduces cleverness in a poem that reveres nature. 'Shady haven,' perhaps, or Shady sanctum.'
Comment Written 10-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2022
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hmm🤔interesting thoughts.... i do like the 'haven' line.... will try some things out! thank you frank! 🤔👍🌥️❤️🖊️
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Be well, Shelley. Frank
Comment from June Sargent
A very creative haiku capturing the moment a cloud offers some temporary shade from the hot sun. Artwork complements this perfectly. Should do well in the contest.
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2022
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A very creative haiku capturing the moment a cloud offers some temporary shade from the hot sun. Artwork complements this perfectly. Should do well in the contest.
Comment Written 10-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2022
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thank you june ☀️🌥️😎 ❤️🖊️
Comment from dmt1967
The picture an the poem work really well together and I enjoyed the flow and the words painted a picture as well. Good luck in the contest and have a great weekend. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2022
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The picture an the poem work really well together and I enjoyed the flow and the words painted a picture as well. Good luck in the contest and have a great weekend. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 10-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2022
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thank you dmt 😎☀️🌥️🆒👍
Comment from Joanne Gill-Maddick
This is a beautifully written haiku. It has a Lovely overall presentation background and font. Nice photo to compliment your words as well. Well done.
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2022
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This is a beautifully written haiku. It has a Lovely overall presentation background and font. Nice photo to compliment your words as well. Well done.
Comment Written 10-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2022
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thank you joanne! 😎☀️🌥️🆒👍 😀❤️🖊️
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Your welcome
Comment from Lilly Flowers
Haha - I liked your cute line in the notes section that went well with the poem you have presented. I enjoyed the alliteration in your short, short. That image you chose is amazing - a feast for the eyes. Regards, Lilly
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2022
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Haha - I liked your cute line in the notes section that went well with the poem you have presented. I enjoyed the alliteration in your short, short. That image you chose is amazing - a feast for the eyes. Regards, Lilly
Comment Written 10-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2022
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hehe😂👍 thank you lilly 😎☀️🌥️🆒👍
Comment from John Ciarmello
I loved the depiction of the clouds as a bright day star. What a wonderfully exciting imagination, but I believe I may have told you that already. :) A wonderful contest entry. Best, JohnC
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2022
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I loved the depiction of the clouds as a bright day star. What a wonderfully exciting imagination, but I believe I may have told you that already. :) A wonderful contest entry. Best, JohnC
Comment Written 09-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2022
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hehe thank you john! 😂👍😎🌥️❤️🖊️
Comment from Paul McFarland
I had to give that one a second shot, but finally got it straight in my head. I like the oblique reference to the sun. You should do okay in the contest.
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2022
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I had to give that one a second shot, but finally got it straight in my head. I like the oblique reference to the sun. You should do okay in the contest.
Comment Written 09-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2022
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thank you paul! 😎🌥️⭐🖊️
Comment from Jesse James Doty
What a wonderful way to start a poem, cumulus clouds sound so alliterative and fun to say out loud. As well as breeze by brightly is fun to say and read. The beautiful picture is dazzling in its simplicity.
Thanks for sharing such a bright and simple haiku.
Jesse
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2022
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What a wonderful way to start a poem, cumulus clouds sound so alliterative and fun to say out loud. As well as breeze by brightly is fun to say and read. The beautiful picture is dazzling in its simplicity.
Thanks for sharing such a bright and simple haiku.
Jesse
Comment Written 09-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2022
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😂hehehe👍 thank you jesse! 🌥️😎🖊️
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Thank you, Shelley, for the emojis.
Have a wonderful weekend!
Jesse
Comment from Cindy Decker 2
Author,
Congratulations on your all time best award. It is well deserved.
I remember as a child, I would wait for the clouds to cover the hot sun, so I could get respite from the sizzling heat.
Good luck with this and all your
work.
Blessings,
Cindy
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2022
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Author,
Congratulations on your all time best award. It is well deserved.
I remember as a child, I would wait for the clouds to cover the hot sun, so I could get respite from the sizzling heat.
Good luck with this and all your
work.
Blessings,
Cindy
Comment Written 09-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2022
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thank you cindy 😎🌥️👍❤️🖊️
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😊
Comment from elainec4
Haiku is my favorite!! I enjoy reading them and re-reading them to get the most out of those few syllables. Your entry is great. Perfect artwork to complement your well-chosen words.
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2022
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Haiku is my favorite!! I enjoy reading them and re-reading them to get the most out of those few syllables. Your entry is great. Perfect artwork to complement your well-chosen words.
Comment Written 09-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2022
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thank you elaine! 😎🌥️👍🖊️